Pain and Pretending: You Can Be Set Free from the Hurts of the Past

This book is a great tool for anyone who was abused as a child and anyone trying to help victims of child abuse. This book will not be very helpful for those who are suffering from domestic abuse or abuse in adulthood. Other books I recommend: If you were abused in childhood: The Narcissistic Family by Robert M. Pressman & Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman, Healing the Shame That Binds You by John Bradshaw, Too Good for Her Own Good by Claudia Bepko and Jo Ann Krestan, Your Chil’d Self-Esteem by Dorthy Corkille Briggs, Parenting from the inside out By: Mary Hartzell and Daniel J. Siegel, Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves by Naomi Aldorf, Between Parent and Child by Haim Ginott and Alice Ginott, Children of the Self-Absorbed by Nina W. Brown, Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy by Craig Faustus Buck & Susan Forward, Pain and Pretending by Rich Buhler The Wizard of OZ and other Narcissists by Eleanor D. Payson, An Adult Child's Guide to What's Normal by John C. Friel and Linda D. Friel, Books for helping someone that endured child abuse: Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy by Craig Faustus Buck & Susan Forward, An Adult Child’s Guide to What’s Normal by John C. Friel and Linda D Friel, The Narcissistic Family by Robert M. Pressman & Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman, Pain and Pretending by Rich Buhler Books that would help a women that has been or is being abused: The Dance of Anger By Harriet Lerner, Not to People like us By Susan Weitzan, Why does he do that? By: Lundy Bancroft, Codependent No More by Melody Beattie, The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans, 10 Lifesaving Principles for women in Difficult Relationships by Karla Downing, Next Time, She’ll Be Dead by Ann Jones, The New Codependency by Melody Beattie Better than boundaries, Victory Over Verbal Abuse by Patricia Evans, When Love Goes Wrong by Susan Schechter and Ann Jones, Too Good for Her Own Good by Claudia Bepko and Jo Ann Krestan, Controlling People by Patricia Evan, The Emotionally Abused Woman by Beverly Engel, The Verbally Abusive Man- Can He Change? By Patricia Evans, It’s My Life Now by Megan Kennedy Dugan and Roger R. Hock, Wounded by words by Jeenie Gordan, Karen Kosman, & Susan Osborn 2nd half going back to abuse may be dangerous, Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them by Paul Hegstrom, Sweet Suffering: Woman as Victim by Natalie Shainess, Emotional Vampires by Albert J. Bernstein, The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout, The gift of fear by Gavin de Becker, Emotional Blackmail by Susan forward, Donna Frazier & Susan Frazier, Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love them by Susan Forward and Joan Torres, It’s my life now by Meg Kennedy Dugan & Roger R Hock

I just read this book and I believe this book is excellent. I didn't want to put the book down once I started, and I will probably read it again. It will touch many people and help them move on with their lives from the hurts from the past. This book is not only for victims, it can be for the average person. It is very informative and will help the nonvictim be more understanding toward someone of victimization. People sometimes don't know why they do things, react a certain way, or have strong opinions. Rich Buhler helps one realize and gives examples of people that were in some form victims of abuse in their childhood. This book gave me a lot of insight and made me look deep inside my soul. I would highly recommend this book to anyone and everyone!!

Pain and Pretending by Rich Buhler is an excellent book and a must read for anyone who is ever suffered from any form of abuse or wishes to counsel those who have. Rich gives insight into a person's pain with understanding of why people who have been abused do the things they do or think the way they think. Rich offers healing for the wounded soul and the way of escape from a life time of hurts and pain. I believe it has the potential to stir up memories in order to get set free and live a more fruitful and productive life. Truly a book that expresses overcoming a life of dysfunction, hurt, pain, and pretending.

Lots of basic information and written in an easy to read, non technical style, I'd recommend this book for anyone new to the idea of recovery from past hurts and abuse or just starting to delve into therapy/recovery. It is a little too basic, as well as lacking in scripture, footnotes, additional research, etc. for the advanced reader or searcher. There are lots of "examples" and the advice given in the example stories are basic truths that can be applied and used either in the readers life or used by one that is helping or related to someone that suffered in their past. I'd recommend this book as a gift to someone that you know trusts you and could use a little nudge in the direction of getting some counseling.The other point that I found could be either a plus or minus, depending on the application, is that the author decided to really downplay the role of Christ, the Holy Spirit and the Father in healing and recovery. I know that he did this to make the book non-threatening to unbelievers and if used in that application, it is good that it isn't overbearing, but, on the other hand, for a the believing reader, it leaves a lot unsaid. I have heard the author speak, and I know he has a heart for Jesus, so I think he was just trying to get a good book into the mainstream that mentions that Jesus is the Way without turning a book on past pains and abuse into a book on getting saved. If you find that you are still having pouts of behavior that seem unexplainable in the general context of your life, and you haven't yet sought help, perhaps giving this book a read will ring a couple of bells and send you in the right direction.