Ophelia's Mom: Women Speak Out about Loving and Letting Go of Their Adolescent Daughters

sorry- the follwoing is a correction: the title of the exhibit at National Museum of Women in the Arts is "Rapunzel, Rapunzel! Let Down Your Hair." thru Jan.27. (don't know how to retrieve the original so hope this will do. kmg

"Sometimes,ofttimes, women had to keep silent, have not spoken or named the unspeakable. With their men, they have seen with clear vision, and yet they have not spoken. Wisely, unwisely,they have kept their own counsel and held their tongues. "With each other, women have also kept silent, and if they have spoken to eachother, their men never knew. All these centuries, the vast underground murmur of women confiding to each other,consoling, grieving, laughing in a separate world,apart from men." I wrote these words for a juried art exhibit (Collaboration Between Writers and Artists) at The Washington Women's Art Center in 1981. An artist friend had created a quilt of a woman's head. The woman had no mouth. I also added brief versions of the tales of Procne and Philomel and Maiden Bright-Eye...(both stories address the forbidden territory and dangers of women who speak or put words to the unspeakable...) Shandler's anthology breaks the silence of women who are mothers in a new way-revealing that when it comes to their experiences with their daughters- women rarely have shared the truth or depth of their feelings with each other --until now. Anyone who lives near The Women's Museum of the Arts in D.C. should take the time to visit and delight in the exhibit of around the world writers' and artists' versions of the story of Rampunzel.(til late Jan.20002) --"Loving and Letting Go" ..as Shandler says is the task we must all face... as mothers of daughters, there are many pitfalls and pleasures along the way..

As a counsellor and mother who has raised three daughters from childhood to adulthood, I was very moved and touched by this endearing book. From bruised knees, typical childhood diseases, teen pressure, insecurity, and fears of rejection, drugs, and sex, we as Moms have stood by our daughters and silently prayed that everything would turn out alright with their world. The wonderful thing about this book is that parents everywhere realize they are not alone. "Ophelia's Mom" covers a variety of issues and is not just a book for Moms but Dads, too. As a parent, part of us wants to hold on, love and protect our precious daughters from all the hurts, fears and rejections of the world. On the other hand, the greatest gifts we can give our daughters are "wings" to fly on their own and the courage to try. They will make mistakes, they will be hurt, but they, like us, will become wiser, more understanding, compassionate and stronger adults for the lessons learned.This book is not just about letting go; it is about love in the face of all obstacles. "Ophelia's Mom" will touch your heart, and make you want to hug your daughter just one more time...simply, because you love her. This book is a five star plus and highly recommended.

Our youngest child of four is now a 15 year-old sophomore in high school. I am enjoying seeing her blossom and go through the teenage struggle. She is clearly doing well, and is finding her footing.At the same time, I can see that my wife finds all of this much more distressing than she did with the older children. Clearly, letting go is proving to be hard. How concerned should I be? I wasn't sure.Having read Ophelia's Mom, I can now see that my wife's reactions are very typical. I also see that there's more to feel good about with our younger daughter than I would have realized on my own. These wise, witty, wonderful women have given me a great gift by sharing their deepest fears and concerns.Whether you are a mom or a dad of a teenage girl, I think you will love this book. Dr. Shandler is very open in describing how her professional objectivity is overwhelmed by her maternal instincts. And she obviously raised two amazing daughters. Equally, her professional knowledge allows her to frame the material from the other moms to best advantage so it is easily to understand.I particularly liked the parts of Ophelia's Mom where she addressed the rest of the family. How does one's own mom affect parenting? What is a helpful role for husbands? The book has only two weaknesses. It could have used submissions from more people. Apparently, Ophelia's mom is shy about her experiences (or perhaps just too crazed while being in them). Dr. Shandler certainly put a lot of effort in this direction. Second, it would have been stronger if the Ophelia's had shared their thoughts with their moms so that the reader could see both perspectives more clearly. In the case of Dr. Shandler, she could clearly have asked her own daughters for help since Ms. Sara Shandler has gone public already in Ophelia Speaks about her experiences as a teen. Books like this often stimulate an outpouring of letters, so perhaps we will see Echoes of Ophelia's Mom in the future.Go give your mom and your daughter a hug!

What a comfort to read this book, If you are struggling with an adolescent daughter, do yourself a favor, take the time and read this. It will validate how you are feeling, and also help you to recognize that things are going to be ok......