Old Friends CL

After spending a year at Linda Manor, a nursing home in Massachusetts, Pulitzer Prize winning author Tracy Kidder offers no generalized discourse on the problems of aging in America, but rather a touching story of friendship, reconciliation, and peace. Joe Torchio is 72-years-old, a former probation officer, and has suffered a stroke. Bitterly railing against the losses that have beset him in life, the death of a son, the birth of a retarded daughter, Joe has forsaken his Catholic faith. At 92 years of age, Lou Freed is blind yet resolutely curious about everything. He is a Jew who is not terribly religious but is sometimes given to pondering theological questions. The pairing of this unlikely duo as roommates might bode bickering and discontent. Not so in Kidder's hands - we find a gradually blooming friendship which enables both men to live in their new environment and face limited futures with equanimity, courage, and grace. This is not just Lou and Joe's story, it may be your story or mine. Of course, it is a tale of old age and approaching death. It is also a toast to life. - Gail Cooke

This reads like eloquent fiction, but is in truth the story of Tracy's father. He doesn't say which character his father is, and he doesn't insert himself into the story. But what a wonderful, heart-bending story it is. At all times the sadness of the situation is eclipsed by the bravery and courage of people without hope; people who do the best they can, and it is more than enough. For any of us who will grow old, which is most of us, this is a must read.

"For most of those long-lived, ailing people, Linda Manor represented all the permanence that life still had to offer. It was their home for the duration, their last place on earth." Thus writes Tracy Kidder in "Old Friends", an account of life in Linda Manor, a Massachussets old folk's home. It would be a useful exercise to watch a day's television and see how many elderly people are featured. The old are increasingly invisible in our society. Once respect for one's elders was a maxim in most cultures. Now all has changed in the consumer capitalist west; with a prevalent worship of a narrowly-defined sense of "youth" - physically slim, impulsive, impatient; and the traditional virtues of the elderly - experience, deliberation, rumination - are derided in that accurate barometer of the spirit of the times, advertising. In medical training, there is an unspoken but clear bias against the elderly; students are advised to ensure that the stereotypically scatty little old lady sticks to matters of strict clinical relevance.The notion that we have anything to learn from the elderly has disappeared from most contemporary culture. The elderly are a nuisance, a problem to be medicated and managed and forgotten. Kidder's book - unsentimental and heartbreaking, a clear-eyed portrait full of dignity and beauty and humour - is a counterblast to the cult of youth and the pathologising of old age. Increasingly we, as young people, live lives surrounded by people of our own age only - the decline of large families mean that we are less likely to have infant siblings or indeed much older siblings, while the large extended family gathering is increasingly dwindling.The blurb on the back of "Old Friends" begins:"What's wrong with Tracy Kidder? A robust man, even a youthful one, a father fit and healthy, with years of life ahead of him: why did he voluntarily enter an old people's home?" One might fear a self-fixated meditation on the authors own concerns; but Kidder is an absent presence in the book; he gives his elderly cast the stage. The focus is mainly on Lou, a serene, wise ninety year old Philadelphian; and his roommate Joe, a tempermental impatient seventy-two year old who chafes at existence in the home after an active life. Kidder presumably had an extraordinary degree of access; not merely physical but also emotional. We are taken into the rooms of the dying, the deepest fears of those who will shortly join their ranks, the sadness and guilt of relatives. We see the power structure of the nursing home, a relatively enlightened one where nevertheless elderly people with enormous professional and administrative experience are made - with the best intentions - to feel like children.We learn from the elderly in this book; and the elderly learn from each other. The gruff taciturn Joe is gently coached by Lou into telling his wife he loves her. Joe and Lou coach the staff of Linda Manor in tact and sensitivity- for example the hearty "Did you have a bowel mov

This is the story of Joe and Lou and their days in Linda Manor, and it is a story of growing old. Kidder juxtaposes the wrenching images of residents struggling with dementia and rapidly failing health with those of residents reaching out to one another in new friendships and coming to terms with their pasts. He deals frankly with the disadvantages of even the finest nursing home care: under-staffing, lack of empathy for residents, loneliness, and even lousy food. And he doesn't hesitate to acknowledge the imminence of death in such places. But, ultimately, this isn't a sad or depressing book. Joe and Lou accept that death is close, but they also learn to reconcile who they've been with who they've become. They find comfort and joy in their friendship, and their conversations provoke more smiles and quiet chuckles than tears. A topic that could have been rendered maudlin by another writer becomes an engaging treatment in Kidder's prose.

In Tracy Kidder's wonderful book, the answer to this question is a resounding "yes." Kidder's book is a cinema verite-style documentary into the daily lives of several residents of Linda Manor nursing home, with a special focus on two men, Joe and Lou, who are assigned to the same room. Strangers at the beginning of the book, these two very different men become "old" friends over the course of a year. Kidder's book captures vividly the experience of being alive and alert, full of memories and emotions, in circumstances that greatly restrict freedom of movement and freedom of choice. It challenges the reader to face the unwelcome realities of aging, but in a way that allows us to recognize the humanity and dignity of people regardless of their age.I am not reassured by Kidder's reporting that half of us will spend at least some of our last time on earth in a nursing home. But after reading this book, I feel that I have faced some fears that I've been avoiding. I can also see, when I look at others, the complete arc of their lives, from birth to death, and that perspective does much to make me thankful for whatever the present moment happens to hold for each of us.