No Visible Wounds: Identifying Non-Physical Abuse of Women by Their Men

This book makes apparent what those in charge of prison camps have known all along. Psychological abuse is more debilitating than physical abuse. If you even think you are in an abusive relationship or if you feel you have an adult child in one, read this book. It won't make it all go away but understanding is the first step to healing.

My copy of this book is dog-eared. It was the most helpful printed material I read as I fled from my abusive marriage the final time.Mary Susan Miller writes with incredible insight and sensitivity, and effectively identifies the complexities of nonphysical battering. If you are in an abusive relationship, get this book. If you have a friend in an abusive relationship, get it for her. If neither of the above apply, donate a copy to your local Domestic Violence Shelter. Every abused woman should have a copy.

I found this book just by chance. What a fortunate accident! Miller's description of men just like my now-ex-husband amazed me. Even so, at first I considered the book kind of simple. Then the memories started coming back, from two decades of marriage. His cutting remarks and actions that left me emotionally lost suddenly made sense. My always-failing attempts to make myself better for him, to make our marriage and family better, suddenly looked preposterous. A year after reading this book, old memories still surface with a profound new perspective. No Visible Wounds is not at all simple. It is enormously enlightening and liberating. I highly recommend this book. I am giving it to my own parents, who still don't understand why I divorced him, who this cruel man (they think he's delightful and sincere) still has wrapped around his little finger.

As a counselor in the field of domestic violence, specifically working with women's groups, I feel I've finally found a thorough explanation of men's non-physical abuse of women in our society. Dr. Miller does a phenomenal job of peeling the onion, i.e. defining and explaining all the convoluted reasoning behind men who control women by any means necessary. Dr. Miller calls this behavior what it is ABUSE. She points out that we are socialized to deny and accept and cover up domestic abuse. My favorite line is her description of our society's response to domestic violence, including non-physical abuse, as one of "learned helplessness". This book is enlightening for those who work with women in abusive relationships, for the women themselves and for all of us living in a culture that creates, reinforces and perpetuates abuse against women.

When I stumbled across No Visible Wounds, I felt I had found an ally in Mary Susan Miller. I have written my own book, Living On A Dream: A Marriage Tale, about my mother, a wife who fits the profile of the psychologically abused woman, as described by Dr. Miller. This book is a powerful one, a wake up call for many. Hers is a knowledgable voice about a subject that is rarely given the notice that it deserves. The problem of emotional battering has been overshadowed by the more visible problem of physical battering of women by men. No Visible Wounds is a hidden dilemma,and Mary Susan Miller's book is the important, and prehaps, the only qualitative book on the subject. Every woman should read this book, because it affects many, those who hide and deny, and those who know someone, a friend, or neighbor who lead lives of desperation. This book ranks alongside the other Dr. Miller's famous book, Alice Miller's Drama of the Gifted Child, a.k.a., Prisoners of Childhood.