Navigating the Land of If: Understanding Infertility and Exploring Your Options

I probably brought a slightly different perspective to reading this book than many readers. My infertility journey ended several years ago when my husband & I made the painful decision to abandon infertility treatments & live childless/free. It's been a long time since I cracked open a guide to infertility, and in fact, I have given away most of the ones I had in my collection. However -- the shadow of infertility & loss continue to hover over my life, which is why, even after all these years, I continue to read books, articles & blogs about it -- including Mel's blog, Stirrup Queens, which I love. She is a great support for those of us in the ALI (adoption, loss & infertility) community, and so I was keen to read her book. Even though I found some sections more interesting/applicable than others (as I'm sure most readers did, or will), I loved the book, and I wish it had been around when I was going through treatment. Most infertility guides that I've read tend to be a tad clinical. Not this book. The tone is that of a slightly older/wiser girlfriend who'd already been there/done that and is filling you in on what to expect when you're NOT expecting and trying to do something about it. It's a book I would definitely recommend to anyone going through infertility. It would also be fabulous to read if you're a fertile person hoping to gain some insight into what a friend or family member is going through and how you can best support them. Because my husband & I wound up living without children, I was particularly interested in what Melissa would have to say on the subject, and went straight for the chapter on childfree living first. Very few books on infertility say much about the childless/free option beyond a few paragraphs -- so I'm always interested to see how the subject is covered in any new IF book that I come across. I'm happy to say she more than did the subject justice. The whole concept of "choosing" to live childless/free is one that many women in my shoes struggle with, but Melissa makes the valid point that, rather than accepting the childfree option as a "default," you have to take an active role in carving out your future. Melissa covered many aspects of living childfree. She makes a point of distinguishing between living childfree by choice and childfree after infertility, and also between taking a break and actually choosing to live childfree. She suggests a trial period (something an infertility counsellor recommended to my husband & me). She talks about how the childfree are frequently made to justify their choice (so true), and what happens when one partner wants to live childfree and the other doesn't. I also learned a lot about other aspects of the infertility journey. And oh, to have had Melissa's list of comebacks to unthinking friends & relatives 10 years ago...!

This book was very well written, and I felt like a very compassionate friend was helping me through. It felt SO non-judgmental and inclusive, but without any of the annoying PC stuff. A lot of it is stuff I already had to struggle through, but it would have been a companion for Unsung Lullabies on my shelf had I had it earlier. I'm sure many will find lots of comfort and info between its covers. I like the realistic view of how cycles really go. No fluff here. The pregnancy stuff now at the end is comforting to me as well and so were the recalls of Melissa's experiences. I always felt Uunsung Lullabies was missing that... a personal touch that helped you know the writers had been there with you. I also really liked the snarky aspect. It makes you feel like you weren't alone in some of those bitter feelings and shows that even someone as kind and inclusive as Melissa has been has had them. In short, it validates, and that's all any of us want. Well done.

This is The Book for anyone experiencing issues with family building--or for anyone who loves someone who is wrestling with these issues. Thorough, accurate, excellent. And funny and insightful too.

Where to begin? Medically, this book is painstakingly accurate. Emotionally, Ms. Ford took such care in covering the many emotional pitfalls of dealing with infertility. Reading this book sometimes felt like sitting with a close friend whose shoulder you could cry on, and she would ALWAYS say the right thing. If you're dealing with infertility, one thing I can promise you is that this book will make you feel less alone. A big thank you to the ultimate Stirrup Queen!

I got the book in the mail a few days ago. I have found it to be quite witty and informative of the ins and outs of the Land of IF. It covered places other books may not have, such as conversations and when people give unwanted advice (Which as anyone might know, can be rather unpleasant all around.) I liked the three levels on reply she offers up, and examples for each. While other's advice may be unwanted, her advice was quite sound. I'd definitely recommend this to others.