More Than Sex: Reinventing the Black Male Image: Reinventing the Black Male Image

Dr. Smith;I read your book, "More Than Sex: Reinventing The Black Male Image", a couple of months ago, and I just had to commend you on producing a must-read capable of transforming the lives of black men-and I'm speaking from personal experience. I am a 40-year-old, soon-to-be divorced, devoted father of three. I've been separated from my wife for more than two years (our second separation) and celibate for all of that time, as I began to cope with the frustrating realization that I had been a consistent failure in my attempts to establish the kind of lasting, fulfilling, healthy, loving relationship with a woman that I've longed for since I was a little boy. I am the oldest of four children of divorced parents. I haven't seen my father since I was 12, and with the exception of my paternal grandparents, there are few, if any, examples of healthy marital relationships among the aunts and uncles on either side of my family. I knew what I was looking for in a marriage; I have only during the past two years come to realize that I hadn't a clue as to how to achieve it. That is, until I read "More Than Sex."After reading your book, I've simultaneously:1) gained a clear understanding of the choices I made, and their consequences, that led to a failed 14-year marriage, 2) recognized patterns of behavior that pretty much doomed the long-term health and survival of my past romantic relationships with women, 3) learned how to recognize and avoid unhealthy relationship behaviors in myself and in potential partners (and thus allowed one potentially destructive, post-marital relationship to end, and subsequently resisted the temptation--based almost entirely on physical attraction-- to revive a fruitless past relationship) 4) learned what to expect and to offer to achieve the long-term, committed, healthy, loving relationship I've longed for all of my life.As a result, for the first time in my life, I am in a relationship where I feel I have more than a clue as to what I'm doing, the motivations driving my choices and my own expectations and sense of accountability. I constantly refer to passages in your book (highlighting the most instructional sections) to avoid backsliding into old, unhealthy behaviors and to remind myself of the new, healthy relationship behaviors you reveal and I've tried to adopt. The result is truly more than sex: a level of harmony, joyous friendship, mutual trust and respect, honest communication and deep emotional intimacy that I have never experienced in any relationship. Beyond that, the sexual attraction and energy we enjoy is nothing short of mind-blowing--and we haven't even had intercourse yet! (We are between the Infatuation and Barriers of Control stages of our relationship.)I've been recommending your book to anyone who will listen. I tell them that we think that because we fall in love, it means we know how to love, which is like thinking that because we sometimes get caught in rainst

I just finished Dr. Smith's book, and I have to tell you, it's really quite interesting! The author talks frankly about Black men and how they are driven by their sexuality. Anger, impotence, self-esteem, and their relationships with Black women are discussed. Perhaps the most wonderful part of the book would be the story about Dr. Smith himself. He is a Black man who came from an impoverished home, his father dying in prison and having an uneducated mother to becoming a physician. He shares true stories from patients that he's met throughout the years, and many of them I can identify with. It's about time someone talked about Black men with candor! Thanks for writing such a wonderful book!