Monstrous Regiment

Polly Perks disguises herself as a boy and enlists in the Army of the Duchess Annagovia in order to find her beloved brother, Paul. Not only does she have to cut off her long, blonde hair (which is an abomination unto the local god, Nuggan), she also has to learn how to pick her nose, scratch her crotch, and fart loudly in public. So far the Borogravian army very much resembles a major league baseball team. By the time she has been enlisted for a day in the Tenth Foot (also known as the 'Ins-and-Outs') under the command of the sadistic Corporal Strappi, Polly is cursing every folksong she ever heard on the romance of disguising herself as a boy and following the drum. Her fellow recruits, including a troll, an igor, a vampire, and a religious nut, fare no better, although the corporal goes easy on the vampire. Then Corporal Strappi learns that he himself is going to be sent to the front, along with his band of raw recruits, and steals off into the night. Now fat, jolly Sergeant Jackrum is in charge. Anyone who has ever read a fantasy or gone to a movie where a cunning, experienced sergeant takes charge, will know that the new recruits are now in for the ride of their short lives. Polly's life perks up (sorry) when a shadowy figure in the privy hands her a pair of socks and advises her to stuff them into her trousers. The advice that comes with the socks: "'It's a funny thing," said the voice, 'but they notice what's missing more than they notice what's there. Just one pair, mark you. Don't get ambitious.'" Polly follows her mysterious friend's recommendation, and the rest of "Monstrous Regiment" is a jolly-but-serious series of Terry Pratchett-falls as the recruits capture their first prisoners-of-war, visit their first tent-of-ill-repute, and generally learn how to survive in a war that their country is definitely losing. But if Borogravia is losing, why are the recruits being stalked by newshounds from Ankh-Morpork, who insist they're war heroes? Why has 'Butcher' Vimes put a werewolf on their trail? And why, oh why did Private Polly have to kick the presumed Heir of Duchess Annagovia right in his sock drawer? "Monstrous Regiment" is vintage Pratchett and if I ever decide to cross-dress and take the Queen's shilling, here is the book that will guide me.

Where others did not understand the motivations behind this book, I got it. I completely got it. In another time and another place, I might have donned the socks and wandered cluelessly off to war. Polly's antics are, to me, hysterical. The whole book had me laughing out loud (an annoyance to my family). I think that Pratchett has created a masterpiece in which he actually UNDERSTANDS what women go thru, without even trying. So much in the world of fiction is besmirched by filth that in order to get a good clean book you almost have to resort to reading childrens' books, which don't generally give me the intellectual fulfilment that I need. Terry Pratchett is the one exception to the rule. There has never been a book of his that I have not enjoyed thoroughly.

Borogravia is at war. Again. Or still. The country has been fighting with its neighbors so long that there aren't very many young men left to be soldiers. So even though a woman dressing as a man is an Abomination Unto Nuggan (garlic, chocolate, ears, rocks and much more at all Abominations unto the crazed Borogravian deity), Polly Perks dresses as a man and signs up for the Ins and Outs, the Tenth Division of the Borogravian army. No one looks too carefully; recruits are getting too hard to find.The title is a play on an obscure John Knox essay, a diatribe against women in leadership positions. Army life, officers, NCOs, patriotism, Army intelligence, institutional religion and especially sexism all get the Pratchett Treatment. More than any of his other books, I was strongly reminded of Mark Twain's later satires. Pratchett is a little gentler than Twain, and his approach is more methodical, but the same simmering anger is evident. Pratchett's distaste for the institutions and respect for the individuals is made completely clear. Stupidity, Polly Perks comes to realize, is simply too dangerous to have around.There are a few wonderful new characters, including Jackrum, a legendary sergeant in the Borogravian army, apparently ageless and, upon his word, "not a dishonest man;" and Maladict, one of Polly's fellow recruits, who has substituted a lust for blood for a lust for coffee (Pratchett is plainly a serious coffee drinker). And there are cameos of greater or lesser extent from Watch characters Duke Samuel Vimes, Corporal Angua, Buggy Swires and Reg Shoe; and William de Worde and his photographer, Otto. But mostly this is about Polly, an intelligent, decent person, placed in the madness and folly of war. She masters the art of impersonating a man - mostly belching and walking differently - practices shaving with a blunted razor and learns the importance of a strategically placed pair of socks. She learns how to tell if it is just the socks talking. She learns that sometimes when you ask, "Are we winning the war?" you might not be asking the right question. And she demonstrates that sometimes the right man for a task is a woman. Or perhaps several women. Pratchett touches on another theme, too, the difference between worship and belief. "Small Gods" focused on that distinction, and it plays a critical role here. Borogravians may worship Nuggan (even if they sometimes ignore the newest Abominations) but they believe in the Duchess, even though she may be dead. And, as events unfold, the difference is critical. There aren't many belly laughs, but this is a mature, amusing and instructive novel. It doesn't hurt that the themes are topical, but it's too much to hope that either Tony Blair or George W. Bush will read, let alone understand, what Pratchett is saying. Don't make their mistake.

First of all, Monstrous Regiment is the 28th Discworld book, and Pratchett is just getting started. Every time you think he has run out of ideas, he comes up with something new (or an interesting take on something old). This book is no different, as this time he examines the military and the military mindset. Is it a good one? SIR, YES SIR!This is another winning Discworld book. It's a bit different in tone from Night Watch, if only because the humour is broader. In Night Watch, the humour was on the side and it was a fairly serious book except for that. This has a serious point to make as well, but the humour involves everybody. It was refreshing to see. Pratchett has some good points to make on military matters in the real world, and he skewers the entire mindset (not necessarily of the men, who he never really disparages, but the planners). He does have the obvious stereotypes of the hard drill sergeant and the lieutenant who doesn't really know what he's doing and has no experience. But even these stereotypes he turns on their heads, shakes them upside down, and looks at what comes out. Pratchett, always a master of character, has created some new winners (though I don't believe they'll be back in another book, like some of Pratchett's recurring characters). Polly is the typical Pratchett hero: determined, relatively straight-laced, intelligent and resourceful. She's a wonderful viewpoint character, scared but determined to do what is right. When she's assigned to be the lieutenant's assistant, she's reluctant to take advantage of the position, though she does so to help out her mates. She helps Lieutenant Blouse along, though she's terrified of shaving him because she's never learned how to shave herself. Probably the best character in the book, though, is Jackrum. He reminds me a lot of Sam Vimes from the City Watch books, but with a different edge to him. He's a soldier and nothing else. He doesn't want to be an officer. He doesn't want to be a civilian. He wants to do his job, keep his lads safe, and bring them home. He doesn't like sneaking around and doing things different from the army way, and he's horrified when Blouse wants to use subterfuge to get into the castle they're supposed to take. He's a man of duty, honour, and integrity, and while he's always rough on his men, he also respects them. Of course, we find out there's a reason behind the man he is, which is what really cuts him apart from Vimes.The other characters are standout even if they aren't developed that much. There's the religious zealot who constantly speaks to "The Duchess," (the figure who, much like Queen Victoria, hasn't been seen much since her husband died, and who many feel is actually dead). There are a couple of fire-bugs who ran away from where they were being held. The best of this bunch, however, is the vampire (Maladict) and the latest in a long string of Igors in a Discworld book. Maladict has sworn off blood in order to be