Mommy Wars: Stay-At-Home and Career Moms Face Off on Their Choices, Their Lives, Their Families

Beautifully written- many moving essays,all insightfull and with universal appeal. (This of course because all the writers are writers.) I had one aha moment that probably wasn't intended by them, and that is: I never had a nanny; I don't even know someone who has a nanny; heck, I am a Nanny. (I take care of my grandchildren so my daughter can work.) But still, motherhood has commonalities, as I said, and so this is a worthwhile book. Maybe for a follow-up we should have: Nannies' Views on Mommies. I'd leave out the Wars--these essays show the wars are mostly internal ones anyways. That's another aha moment. Enjoy!

Like most things in life, the decision on whether to stay at home or work is not black or white, but rather many gradients of gray. I enjoy reading this book because it spells out so many different scenarios, different reasons why women - mothers - make the choices they do. I love reading about how each woman handles the challenges she faces. I have grappled with my own identity since becoming a mother, and what I've come to realize is that there's no one right way, the key is figuring out what works for you and your own family. The examples in this book show how some women have arrived at that conclusion, and found their space that balances motherhood, career and their own personal development. Other examples in this book are in the midst of their struggle, in the midst of finding out what works for them. You should know that majority of the authors have the luxury of CHOOSING between being a stay at home mom v. working, or something in between. And, most of the women are in the publishing / writing / entertainment industry, which makes the book a big narrow in scope; I'd buy a sequel that had a wider range women both socio-economically and simply in terms of their career fields.

I read all of the literary reviews before buying the book, so I had very high expectations. I bought the book this past weekend, and could not put it down until I finished it. Wow. What an incredible and intense read. Before I even get into the writing, or the issues, I must first say that the essays are shockingly honest. I don't know how Steiner convinced all of these women to bare it all and just tell it like it really happened in their lives. It was fascinating to be a voyeur in all of their lives - the essays are raw and honest. No one puts on a happy face, and pretends their lives are perfect. You live through their highs and lows, and these women take you through some very personal and emotional times in their lives. I have been in and out of the workplace during my childrens' early years, and in one way or another, I identified with the feelings that every one of the women in these essays express. They are all very different, but they virtually all struggle at their core with issues of work / family balance. They are constantly questioning their own decisions, and very few of them are angst free. I feel like each of them had a voice that spoke to me, and for me, I had a sense of validation of my own struggles, as well as a sense of comraderie with many of these women. On the other side, some of these women also made me furious! Several of these women have a holier than now attitude that really pissed me off. I found myself wanting to scream at several of the writers. They are all highly opinionated, and I do strongly disagree with some of the perspectives. However, that I did not disagree with gave me insight into many moms that I just never have been able to understand. The writing was beautiful. Several of the essays made me cry, and not just a tear or two. Several of the essays are gut wrenching - reading for example about the struggles of a mother with an autistic child, a mother with cancer, and a mother suffering from post-partum depression. I struggle with my career decisions every day, and to bring to life the struggles that others have with these same kinds of challenges was an eye opener. I loved this book.

These are by and large wonderful essays, unflinchingly honest and profoundly thoughtful. I don't necessarily like every woman in this book, but I admire their willingness to open up their respective lives and thought processes for our inspection. The complaint that these women are homogeneous seems somewhat shallow and literal-minded to me. Yes, they're almost (not entirely) all women who have been writers at some point, but doesn't that come with the territory of a collection of personal essays? Yes, they are also primarily middle to upper-middle class, but that covers a lot of American women right there; more important, the issues explored, from depression to dealing with a disabled child to financial trade-offs are potentially universal. The range of voices and viewpoints is extremely varied, and I can only conclude that one or two of the naysayers here did not actually read the book. If you are not interested in exploring women's thoughts about the work/children balance, then I don't know why you would bother to pick up this book in the first place. But if you are, there is a lot here for anyone to identify with, take issue with, think about. I enjoyed the company of most of these women even when I disagreed with them, and think it's time well spent for anyone (fathers included) grappling with the question of who works and who takes care of the kids.

These 27 essays provide a wealth of opinions about the range of emotions, controversy and ambivalence that can fill the minds and hearts of mothers. Even those who think they know their values before giving birth may have a profound change of heart. Some decide to stay home. Others go stir crazy and go back to work. Then there are the women who face life-threatening conditions (cancer or something else), have children with disabilities or don't yet have children but are exploring the dilemnas that may face them. The most wrenching essay for me to read featured a woman who'd already made it through some very, very tough years as a single mom to two young children (her husband deserted the family), struggling with the indignities of welfare and making do as best she could. After she starts to become more successful, meets a decent man and has another child, she learns she may die within "8 months"....that is the grim prognosis...and that fact radically changes her life...forever. I won't go into more detail about that section because I don't want to spoil the suspense of you, the reader, discovering what happens next...but believe me, you won't be able to predict it. Very few of these women seem to be totally at peace with their decision, at least not without a period of angst and guilt (is this the universal norm for mothers?). Ambivalence and even guilt seemed to be the order of the day, something I could really relate to. I'd strongly suggest reading this with A Perfect Madness (another exploration of Motherhood) as it goes into greater depth when it comes to researching the challenges facing mothers today. Taken together, the two books provide a wealth of information. Both are honest and insightful. In Mommy Wars, you'll get a host of viewpoints, some full of ambivalence, some full of guilt and some fully comfortable with their choice -whether it is working or not working outside the home. You'll feel affirmed with some pieces, challenged by others and perhaps alienated by yet others. No matter the viewpoint, reading this book made me feel more connected to other women, since I've had both guilt about working and affirmation at well. My personal choice was to focus on parenting, primarily because my work schedule was not family friendly. Reading this book made me realize yet again (since this isn't the first book of its kind to appear) that I was not alone. Parenting is hard. Working can be hard, too. Juggling the two can be...well....very tricky. Sometimes it isn't workable at all. Other times you make it by the seat of your pants. But connecting with other women, whether on the pages of a book or at the park or over lunch..can serve as inspiration and support. It doesn't hurt to have some more of that. What ISN'T fully explored in this book (beyond what is implied in the personal essays) are the economic realities of work versus staying home. I wish there'd been a bit more detail about that. The reality is