Mommies, Daddies, Donors, Surrogates: Answering Tough Questions and Building Strong Families

I'm really confused by the previous reviewer who felt the author of this book is cruel to those of us who are dealing with infertility! This could not be more untrue! I recommend this book very strongly. It is the one of the few books on the topic that talks about the full panoply of emotional issues faced by everyone involved in 3rd party assisted reproduction. This is not a handbook to pursuing gamete donation or surrogacy. The book Having Your Baby Via Egg Donation covers that ground. This it is an in-depth discussion of an extremely complicated topic, written by a psychologist with extensive experience in this area. I think this book is especially valuable for those of us who already have donor-gamete conceived children and are looking for guidance in the ongoing task of talking to our children out it.

Excellent practical advice. It really helped me get my head around the complexities of egg donation to create a family. I am in New Zealand and although some of the American references didn't apply, the issues are universal and addressed with a lot of care.

I love this book. I'm reading it slowly to not miss a word. Of the DE books I read this is the first one I feel is non-judgemental, and so very reasonable. I got it from the library (cautious by the reviews I read here) and am going to buy it just to keep it. Reading this book is easing a lot of the stress I'm going through on this path. Once issues are named and identified they lose their ability to subliminally torment you. The book is respectful enough to leave it to the reader to look at things her/his own way, after helping in laying out the issues. This book is written by a psychoanalyst and will be most enjoyed by people familiar with psychoanalysis.

I'm not sure what the ambivalence, and negative reaction, of the previous reviewers was based on. Or what the more recent reviewer was actually looking for that didn't get resolved. I find this a very insightful book that presses parents and others to investigate the emotional issues they're likely to encounter over time as the parent of a donor-conceived child. Especially the very real emotional issues of a couple in which one might consider the other more "his" or "hers" based on biological ties; cultural beliefs that many of us grow up with that need to be addressed with donor-assisted conception. Certainly to think that these issues won't come up, or are better left undiscussed, does a disservice to the child and the couple (or single parent, which is discussed as well). I agree that it's a wide-ranging book, which might seem a bit daunting at times, particularly for those looking for practical solutions rather than discussion. But since most clinics don't discuss many of these mental health concerns with clients, I think this is a highly valuable book that prospective parents can read in the privacy of their bedroom as they contemplate and consider the choices ahead. As author of "Choosing Single Motherhood," I know many women make conscious choices about becoming a parent. I think the kind of issues raised in Ehrensaft's book are honest, real and important for anyone to keep in mind when pursuing parenthood in non-traditional ways.