"Mom, Dad . . . I'm Pregnant": When Your Daughter or Son Faces an Unplanned Pregnancy

When our 21 year old daughter came to us with the news, were were shocked, then went through the hurt, broken dreams, anger, and disappointment. Her daddy was crushed and saw his dream for his daughter's perfect wedding shattered. He couldn't talk to her for a week, fearful of saying something he wouldn't be able to take back. This book gave us insight and helped us cope, along with a lot of prayer and family support. All parents go through emotions that will run deep at different times. We didn't review the book until after the baby was born--I think at many times we were still in denial. We are so glad we read this book and finally accepted God's plan for our daughter's life, even it it wasn't until her seventh month. We had forgiven her and supported her after that initial shock, but accepting in our hearts that this was going to happen was difficult. This book is worth the read for every heartbroken parent. We now have a beautiful granddaughter and our hearts are healed.

The whole day is fuzzy in my memory. The conversation between my sister and I is even a bit hazy around the edges. I think we were in the car on the way to Walgreens. But I do remember the date. Christmas Eve 1999. Nothing changed that day, but I learned that a lot of things would change soon. It was the day my little sister, then 19, told me she was pregnant. I wasn't there when she broke the news to our parents a few weeks later, but I have been there over the last four years to see our family come together to cope with and then celebrate the addition of Morgan Mackenzie to our family. So it was with great personal interest that I picked up MOM, DAD...I'M PREGNANT: When Your Daughter or Son Faces an Unplanned Pregnancy. The book is written by Jayne E. Schooler, whose own daughter, Kristy, got pregnant while she was a 21-year-old college student. She describes the experience this way: "A husband and wife planned and saved all of their lives for the trip of their dreams. They wanted to go to Italy. Carefully saving each spare dime or dollar, they prepared for the journey. They learned the language. They studied the culture. They purchased just the right clothes for the season they would be there. The day finally came and they boarded the plane. After many hours in the air, the flight attendant announced, 'We will soon be landing. Welcome to Holland.' Startled, the woman frantically pushed the call button, shouting 'There's some mistake. We are supposed to be landing in Italy.' The flight attendant, attempting to calm the woman, explained, 'This plane does not go to Italy.' Quite sure that they had simply erred when boarding the plane, the husband asked when the next plane would leave for Italy. The flight attendant replied, 'Sir, I am sorry, there are no planes to Italy.' Disappointed beyond belief, the husband and wife looked at each other. 'It wasn't supposed to be this way,' they cried. It wasn't supposed to be this way... 'Holland' is not the place this couple planned to be. 'Holland' is not the place where hundreds of thousands of parents facing an unplanned pregnancy with a daughter or son want to be either." She goes on to set up the premise for her book: "Parents have two choices when they arrive in 'Holland.' They can remain disappointed, angry, and embittered, thus missing all that God has for them at this rerouted destination. Or they can, through God's mercy and grace, embrace all that God has for them as He is allowed to rebuild and restore the family." It's the second decision that Schooler advocates, and her book is a detailed map to help parents navigate the streets of "Holland." She candidly shares her own experience with Kristy, who decided to keep her child with the help of her parents. But the book also thoroughly surveys all of the different options open to families caught off guard by an unplanned pregnancy. Chapters explore issues such as the pros and cons of adoptions, the challenges of three-generational livin

As an adoption professional, I wish I had had this resource 36 years ago when I first started out in the field of adoption and pregnancy counseling. This is a book we have needed for a long time. It is wonderful for both those family members directly effected by an unplanned pregnancy as well as professionals in the field, lay persons, clergy and pregnancy resource centers. What healing it can bring to women and men who are faced with a crisis pregnancy and to their families, friends, faith community and other persons we may not even realize are touched by the situation! Jayne touched my soul and opened my eyes to issues I had not realized even with 36 years of experience. The families' stories are very encouraging and give hope to an often devastating experience for a family. Thank you, Jayne. We all needed to hear this!

What a need there if for this book! As usual, Jayne does an excellent job of presenting research and rich anecdotes to make her points. My family was in this situation years ago, and of course, no one talke about it, which only compounded the problem. Schooler has brought the subject out of the closet and will bring help to many. Thank you, Jayne, for another wonderful book!

Jayne Schooler is a long-time educator about adoption and foster care. Also a pastor's wife, she relates her family's experiences with a pregnant 21-year-old daughter in college. Using lots of quotes from experts and stories from other families she has interviewed, Schooler talks about responding to the crisis of unplanned preganncy. This book is for parents of both the pregnant young woman and the young man: several chapters focus on the issues faced by a family whose son is part of an unplanned pregnancy. Other chapters talk about the long-term impact of abortion; the option of adoption; the challenges of three-generational living; shedding secrets; and restoring the family. There are three appendices with contact information for helpful organizations. Readers might also enjoy a workbook-style book "How To Survive Your Teen's Pregnancy" by Linda Perry, which aims at practical advice and steps to take in addition to personal stories as featured in this book.