Mennonite in a Little Black Dress: A Memoir of Going Home

Despite small rebellions, Rhoda Janzen stayed close to the Mennonite world she was raised in. That is, until she went to graduate school. At that point, too many of her social, philosophical and spiritual ideas were challenged, causing her life to become more secular. But she never severed ties with her family or the Mennonite community, so when crisis struck in the form of a divorce followed by a debilitating car accident, she was welcomed home with open arms. Her memoir, MENNONITE IN A LITTLE BLACK DRESS, centers on that homecoming but also celebrates a religious community more vibrant and diverse than most people realize. Janzen may have been primed for the secular world unwittingly by her parents, both of whom were college educated (something very unusual for Mennonites). She and her three siblings were sent to public school and were allowed some spiritual and intellectual freedoms by their thoughtful yet conservative parents. Though her parents may have been inwardly disappointed by her choices to become a poet/professor and to marry the emotionally uneven Nick, they wanted her to be happy and were kindhearted when her turbulent marriage fell apart. In her early 40s, Janzen found herself back in her parents' home, enveloped in a life of German folk songs, strudel, borscht, traditional handicrafts and pious religious beliefs. With biting humor and unflinching honesty, Janzen chronicles her divorce (the verbally abusive Nick left her for Bob from [...]) and shares childhood adventures and misadventures growing up Mennonite. And although it's Janzen's memoir, the star of the book is quite often her mother, Mary. Mary is funny, warm, and much sassier and worldlier than readers would ever expect. Janzen is tender towards her parents and Mennonite "oldsters" in general, nicely balancing out the tale of marital woe and strife. MENNONITE IN A LITTLE BLACK DRESS moves back and forth in time from Janzen's childhood to her current life. Her relationships with academia, religion, siblings, her ethnic heritage, and more are explored sharply --- and, at times, too briefly --- and with an interesting perspective and voice. Mennonite life (at least Janzen's Mennonite life) is brought into sharp relief, and all the gender inequalities, dogma and expectations are contrasted with moments of touching warmth, hilarity and unconditional love. From "the top five shame-based foods for Mennonite youth lunches" to living with a bipolar spouse, from the practice of marrying first cousins to the joy of racquetball, MENNONITE IN A LITTLE BLACK DRESS is pleasantly all over the place. Janzen's style is often conversational, and she masterfully turns phrases, finding the humor in pain and sorrow and the sacred in the ordinary. While sorting through the wreckage of 15 years married to Nick and recovering from the car accident, Janzen is sorting through her relationship to the Mennonite Church. Her memoir is emotional but never sappy, nostalgic but rarely romantic. Janz

One wouldn't think that a memoir about being raised in the Mennonite faith would be fascinating, but MENNONITE IN A LITTLE BLACK DRESS is just that. This heartfelt report is aided by the fact that author Rhoda Janzen writes exquisitely, as well she should, with her numerous advanced degrees in English and grammar. More significant may be her quirky view of life. As my mother would have said, with the greatest admiration, Rhoda is one gutsy broad. (Mom was a New Yorker who came of age during World War II; "one gutsy broad" was her highest accolade. And it's perfectly okay here to quote my mother, as Rhoda references her own countless times.) It probably is Rhoda's sense of humor which saved her sanity. After supporting her deadbeat husband Nick (though she apparently never thought of him as a deadbeat but, rather, as a creative genius), he dumps her for a "guy named Bob" whom he connected with on [...]. (Who knew?) This is exactly two months after Nick has browbeaten her into buying a house that will require both of them to contribute to supporting it, a house which is a 45 minute drive -- an icy 45 minute drive in the winter -- from the college at which she teaches. Her descriptions of Nick would be hilarious if those weren't so heartbreaking. As one gets to know Rhoda through the pages of her memoir, it appears predictable that the week that Nick departs for the land of the big penis, she has a devastating car accident. She makes it through the worst of her recovery with the support of good friends, colleagues and students. Once she has some sabbatical time -- sabbatical time but absolutely no money -- she finds her way back to her parents' home for succor. Her ruminations about her parents and their Mennonite lifestyle, which includes their committment to doing good in the spirit of The Lord, often are humorous but never mean-spirited. In the end, with amusement and great affection, she reveals the moorings of her parents and their church for their true value of decency. It is impossible not to like the Janzens for their pure and genuinely altruistic behavior. Rhoda is never less than fair, even generous, in describing Nick. She bluntly admits that she knew that he was bisexual when she married him, so his desertion of her and her gender was not a real surprise. She would be equally justified in writing that after supporting him for 15 years and finally moving to a house that he wanted and knew she couldn't afford on her own, his behavior was predictably and consistently heinous, but she never condemns him. MENNONITE IN A LITTLE BLACK DRESS is a fascinating book. I now know the difference between the Amish and the Mennonites, the distinctions among the many divisions of Mennonites. I had had no idea that there is a branch of the religion of Ukrainian Mennonites, which is from where Rhoda's grandparents had come. I liked Rhoda and her good cheer and I wish her every happiness.

I loved this book. It took me by surprise that the author, Rhoda Janzen, was able to blend in with and love her family so much - (loved the praying in Denny's scene) when her lifestyle was truly different than their value system. Rhoda is funny. And sensative to her family. The book was a bit disturbing because it seemed hard to believe a woman as bright as Rhoda could make such an awful choice in a husband, (he put her down constantly) yet, we all have blind spots...and he was handsome and witty. (Those are two things difficult to ignore.) I recommend this book if you want a good laugh. And want a great read!

Mennonite in a Little Black Dress is a book with a split personality. One one hand, it's the story of Rhoda Janzen's disastrous marriage to bisexual, bipolar and extremely disturbing man. After her marriage broke up, she got into a serious car crash. The story of her marriage could be the subject of a book in itself. Recovering from her injuries, she moved home to live with her Mennonite family where she reconnected with her family and religious upbringing. Her reminiscences about her mother and other friends and family members could also be a separate book. Janzen is a humorous writer, but her description of her marriage is just tragic. I can understand trying to find the humor (and there was some) in her relationship, but I wish she had let her guard down and let us readers into the pain of her marriage unravelling. When she describes her mother and the Mennonite community she grew up in, her humor feels more appropriate. It's interesting to get a peek into a community most of us know very little about (I always thought they were actually Amish with electricity). It's disconcerting however, to go back and forth between her miserable marriage and her affectionate family stories. I liked Janzen and her plucky attitude and hope she keeps up with her memoirs.

My expectations for this book? I assumed that this would be an account of returning to one's roots after going out into the real world. Beyond that rather banal description I assumed I'd get special incites into the Mennonite world, including possible rituals and practices with a horse drawn carriage or two thrown in and an account of farm life. In reality, this is a personal memoir that provides info. about carriages and Mennonite culture with food and recipes thrown in for a bit of flavor. However, at the heart of the matter is this wonderful account of how a series of unfortunate incidents brought the author back home. What I find completely amazing is that when even dealing with really serious or sad issues, Rhoda Janzen does it with such incredible style and humor that I found myself chuckling. Janzen's writing style is conversational. Her sentences are complex and descriptive, but they flow easily. Best of all, it passed my acid test. Normally if I can't get involved in a book within 20 minutes, that's it. I put it down and don't invest further time or effort. This book on some level reads like fiction. It's like a really good box of chocolates. I couldn't put it down. I loved the eccentricities of her friends and family. I LOVED THIS BOOK.