Marriable: Taking the Desperate Out of Dating

When now-married couple Hayley and Michael DiMarco met on an Internet dating site, they had a combined total of over 40 years of dating history behind them. Michael is a self-confessed "lemon" who was once divorced, had several live-in girlfriends, and after over two decades of desperate dating experience realized his need for a closer introspective look at what his actions (misdeeds) said he was. After committing himself to overhauling his relationships and his view of marriage the way God intended, Michael's dating life changed dramatically. Hayley, whose past included some missteps as well, teamed up with Michael to write this witty, pithy, humor-laced guide to playing the "game" of dating for the purpose of equipping Christian men and women with the "pieces" they need to win the ultimate prize: marriage. Their premise is that the dating ritual is truly a game, and both players (meant in the most positive sense of the word) have to understand the subtle "dos" and "don'ts" --- otherwise, everyone loses. The authors present their material with a warning not to denigrate the dating game into calculated encounters entirely devoid of emotion, but rather to temper these romantic "moves" with "logic, faith, and trust." Ground rules for dating begin with understanding the basic differences between men's and women's approach to this dance. Men chase, women are pursued. Men provide, women nurture. Men communicate differently, while women desire different things from the relationship. And then, the DiMarcos offer their finest line: "If you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you've got." Point taken. Both sexes will find chapters specific to their gender and others pertinent to men and women alike. (In truth, males and females will glean some tidbits of insight by taking a look-see into the inner workings of the opposite sex's psyche and studying every chapter.) The DiMarcos are nothing if not thorough in their offering of topics, which include the desperate lies women tell themselves; how men will lie to get what they want; discerning when someone is out of your league; casting off non-legit reasons for not dating; how being friends is a waste of time for both people; male porn and its dangers; unveiling the ugly female porn; why marrying a best friend is a no-no; what it looks like to be a real man; how women can increase their mystery quota by being quiet; why nice guys are always a step behind the pack; and the savvy, safe rules for online dating. Each chapter is filled with user-friendly advice and chock-full of eye-catching sidebars where both authors chime in on topics they're passionate about in a "he said/she said" format. Loaded with humor --- some biting, some kindly --- readers will laugh one moment and then pause for thought in the next. In every case, men and women alike will close the final page with a greater understanding of navigating the potentially treacherous waters of dating and be more fully prepared to play

October 7, 2005 ... this is the book you should read before you go on another date. This book contains the things your mother never told you should and shouldn't do. I have attracted several fantastic dream men. I was able to keep my cool and make myself appealing for the first few weeks until my inpatience took over and wanted to go straight into a full blown relationship, including sex. Little did I know that dating at the early stages is what Hayley and Michael describe as playing hide-and-seek. The whole fun of the GAME is to hide and make him find me! There is no fun in hiding in the middle of the living room because I'm afraid he won't find me. Besides, if he doesn't go looking for me or easily gives up, that probably means he's lazy. Who wants to date a lazy man anyway?? I'll let him go! I didn't realize how desperate I came out even though I felt I was alright. The book contains a lot of common sense items, but the analogies they use make it click in your brain (like the hide-and-seek example). I think this book is written mostly for women (the majority of the readers anyway), but men can get many great pointers as well. I wish I had read it a month ago before I spooked yet another dream man away, but Father knows best and He'll send a better one as soon as He says I am ready. May 20, 2007 Dear readers, here I am 2 years later and still support the message in this book. Might seem a little bit like common sense to others, but for those who do not know the common sense stuff this book is incredibly helpful. It changed me, the way I see dating, and the way I go about it. I recomend this book 100%, I don't see myself getting to were I am today if I had not read this book. I still wish I had come around this book earlier in my life.

As a serial dater of "nice guys", I always wonder why I end up taking control of the relationship and hear the words. "why are you acting like a man?" Marriable tells the nice guy, "because you aren't!" Don't get me wrong, Marriable has some tough chapters to swallow for women as well like, "Desperate Lies Women Tell Themselves" and "Shut Up and Be Mysterious." Bitter pills, but good medicine. Practical, funny, relevant advice with a cool layout. I read it in one night. Nice guys and the rest of us all need to get "Marriable".

Disclaimer: I am a 50-something married librarian by day, and moonlight as a clerk at a Christian bookstore two nights a week. That said, I see alot of books each day. But not many like Marriable. Hayley and Michael DiMarco wrote this atypical dating guide and evidently have great input in the design and feel of the book through their company Hungry Planet (a description of what their company does is in the back of the book.) But more on the design in a moment. I normally wouldn't read (let alone review) a book on dating, but whenever I see books on dating, courtship, or finding 'the one' in a Christian bookstore, I tend to pick them up to see how the authors over-romanticize, over-simplify, or over-spiritualize the process. Marriable does none of these. I would not be surprised to see this book in the aisles of Costco, Sams, or Target. It has that kind of broad appeal. It's also worth noting that most non-religious readers will enjoy this book as well. The authors did well to omit any bible references (since the bible has no references to dating despite many forced associations by some authors)or churchy phrases. Take note though that those with heavily left leanings or that buy condoms in bulk will feel a significant idealogical rift. Refreshingly, the DiMarcos are realistic and inventive in offering up observations on what dating habits or philosophies may be keeping you from experiencing freedom in your search for a spouse. And did I mention they're very witty? That is both in their writing and in the design of their book. As a previous reviewer noted, the authors interject side conversations between themselves in the margins, and the design of the book will either A) wow you or B) make you woozy. But that seems to be Hungry Planet's stock and trade, designing books for the multitasking reader. This paperback is printed inside and out in full-color and many of the photos and captions are hilarious. Others went over my head. If you enjoy reading magazines, surfing the internet, and using picture-in-picture, you'll love the layout of this book. If you've never bought something or paid a bill online, this book probably isn't for you. Overall, some of the advice given in Marriable is just good 'ol common sense, but there seems to be a lack of that these days. At times the authors make sweeping generalities, but I suspect that is merely to keep the conversation lively. With no bible verses and no sex before marriage, Marriable is bound to leave ultra-lefties and ultra-righties both complaining. Now that sounds like something that Jesus would do. Even if you're a 'haven't been marriable for 23 years' woman like myself, Marriable is worth purchasing for a single friend. Just allow yourself a chuckle or two before you gift it.

My younger sister (who's currently in high school) handed this book to me when we were shopping at our local bookstore. She said, "you've got to get this, Hayley wrote Dateable (a book for teens...I'm almost 30). I bet you'll love it!" I cringed and said, "oh great, another dating book." I picked it up and flipped it over to read on the back cover, "Oh great, another book about being single and finding 'the one', right? Wrong..." From the back cover to the innards of this book, Newlyweds Hayley and Michael DiMarco (who met online) seem to be one step ahead of the objections to advice from the 'singleminded' all the while chipping away at attitudes and views that are rarely questioned in the dating and courtship world. Witness the chapter "Don't Marry Your Bestfriend Unless You're Gay", (not an endorsement of gay marriage but rather) a tongue in cheek reference to the imperfect comparision of what a best friend is (typically same sex) and what a spouse should be. Other chapters include "Stand Up and Be a Man", taking a seriously funny look at the lazy, non-risk-taking-guy phenomenon that this reviewer has had quite enough of, "Desperate Lies Women Tell Themselves" confronts female readers with the silliness that goes on in our minds justifying unmarriable behavior on our part and our future-ex's part, "How Being Just Friends Is a Waste of Time" pokes holes in the Group Dating and the 'seat-filler' dating philosophies, and finally "Nice Guys Really Do Finish Last" explains the initial female attraction to the bad boy and how to add a little bad boy spice without the eternal damnation generally associated with those hot peppers. The entire book is written in a unified voice with clever interupptions, almost a side conversation between the couple, interspersed throught the margins. The visual design of this full color paperback is almost dizzying and kept this 29 year-old with ADHD reading! I literally read this book in one weekend- it's definitely a fun and sometimes convicting read! To sum up, Hayley and Michael DiMarco answer the oft-asked question: "What if Dr. Laura married Jon Stewart and they wrote a book?"