Love Is a Choice: The Definitive Book on Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships

Reading this book really shed insight on myself. I felt like for each page I turned, I learned more about myself, and in many ways opened doors to accept myself, accept my childhood and now have the tools to heal past traumas and learn from them. I am grateful to come across this book. It does have Christian philosophy in it, but I do not mind that at all! I do recommend this to others who are in toxic relationships, or have recently gotten out of such, or need to deal with past life traumas.

"Love is a Choice" is getting to the root of an issue that much of self-help theory is aimed at (or should be aimed at )resolving - codependency. The authors claim that at least 100 million people are suffering from codependency. If so (and I certainly believe them) then this book is sorely needed. We are seeing an expanded perspective of the meaning of codependency. "Love is a Choice" is useful because it is a workbook format, and for making progress with codepenency issues, a workbook is likely necessary. The authors' definition of codependency is "living in the myth that you can make yourself happy by trying to control people and events outside yourself. A sense of control, or the lack of it, is central to everything you do and think." In my view this is appropo. We can be codependent in relationship to people, situations, and things; however, in my perspective when we learn how to have healthy relationships with the people in our lives, our relationships with the other two (situations/things) also work themselves out because we are putting people first. My suggestion: get going on this work!

This book surprised me. It fell into my hands with perfect timing in midlife. While I am not as deeply affected in many areas "lost childhood", "abuse" etc. there are many concepts that were most helpful. I identified with "passive abuse" through emotional absence of my parents and the fact that I measure others' childhood by my own as the "norm" because it's all I know. Also tremendously helpful is the concept of "repetition compulsion" where I am 'driven' to recreate as an adult the home I grew up in - in everything from taste in decor to relational patterns with my wife and children. Despite the quality of lack of it in some areas of the home I gerw up in, it was nonetheless the place I found what security I could. I want that security again. I have been searching for "home" for many years and now I know why. Other helpful chapters were "The Snowball Effect of Addiction", "Anger" and "Codependent or Healthy Relationships" as well as "Codependent or Interdependent Relationships." We think codependency is something extreme but it is a matter of degree really. We all are somewhat codependent and is at the very least evident in the degree of emotion with which we respond to others. Also "The Roles People Play" in which I could recognize all my siblings at different times in one or more patterns behaving in response to our pain (hero, scapegoat, mascot, lost child, placater, rescuer, martyr etc.) Finally key chapters were "The Stages of Recovery", "Leaving Home and Saying Goodbye," "Seeing Yourself in a New Light," "New Experiences and Reparenting." I have recently bought the companion workbook I intend to work through. I have also begun discussing a few concepts with my siblings and finding some reception and agreement. Another book that's just as helpful is "Kids Who Carry Our Pain" by Hemfelt and Warren.

Awesome workbook! Hard work and difficult things to look at in your past and in your life, but very helpful in dealing with codependency and boundary issues. I highly recommend this for those wanting to work on codependency issues.....probably best to work through with a counselor or fellow struggler.

I found the information in this book very helpful. It is easy to read and understand. It is encouraging. It provides insight into what's going on when you're trying to cast off old ways of living that hold you back. This book is worth reading, not only for the information to help you grow personally, but to be more aware and understanding of others in your life. Although the authors may be religious, this does not come across heavily in the book and would not complicate a non-religious person using the information and insights to change things they don't like.

I consider this book one of the best books I have ever read. It really helped me see how I was hurting myself by being caught up in the patterns of my family.It really helped me understand what a relationship wtih Christ was about. I also recommend "Boundaries" I have given a number of copies of this book away.