Love Affairs: Marriage & Infidelity

if you are thinking about doing this, don't. the book points out all the reasons we have affairs and why they are harmful.

I found Richard Taylor's book very informative and helpful in understanding why married people cheat and choose lovers despite the fact they have no intention on leaving their spouse. I especially found the chapter Extramarital Fidelity interesting because I was in an illicit affair for 12 years and I learned that my lover was unfaithful to me as well in the end. Love turns to hate very quickly when an affair goes bad and it guided me through all the emotions I felt as I was trying to comtemplate why this man did to me what he did after all I sacrificed for him for so long. I enjoyed the real-life scenarios and the comments that were shared from the people that gave Mr. Taylor details of their marital woes/affairs while he was compiling information for his book. I definitely think it is worth reading.

I've been reading a lot on the subject of desire v. monogamy and this books seems to have a good grasp on the subject. There are some excellent, almost shockingly *practical* viewpoints that the author advances on what drives people into tri-angular relationships. I think it was very telling of men/women in general, utilizing "when things go wrong" as a point to begin the analysis. I could also recommend "Monogamy" by Adam Phillips for a more agressive, non-committed point of view. Both very thought provoking...

This book was written from a philosophical, non-moral standpoint and presents honest responses from spouses that were, for various reasons, dissilusioned with their marriages. Although this book is earth-shattering (it somewhat made me feel the pain that spouses feel when their husbands/wives cheat) it is crucial that this point of view was presented. It is brutally honest, but still honest. Taylor does testify that the marriage relationship is the best source of happiness in this world but that, sadly, many individuals in a marriage relationship take their spouse for granted. At the time I was reading the book, I felt miffed because there wasn't, in my mind, much pro-marriage advice being given. After pondering the contents of this book for many months, I am now convinced that nothing could be more pro-marriage than illustrating how fragile the marriage relationship can become once the spouses fail to meet each others most important emotional needs. Although I don't advocate that anyone just throw up their hands and resort to having affairs, the only way to truly prevent extra-marital affairs is to understand why they happen. Both men and women can learn from this book that if you don't concentrate on your spouse, someone else will and your spouse will, naturally, be flattered. I am getting married in three weeks and nothing has given me more of a sense of urgency then this book. It has alerted me to the realites of human nature and has, I hope, made me less blind. If you are disgusted during and after reading this book, then the author has successfully done his job. The book's primary purpose, in my mind, is to wake us up to reality. Maybe this book will illustrate how important it is to love, understand and appreciate your spouse. If you find it difficult to love, understand and appreciate your spouse, you'll discover that you have the minority opinion as competition will naturally come knocking.

In my late twenties, I found my marriage falling apart and shortly thereafter I found myself in an intimate relationship with my best friend. My best friend was married and he decided to stay with his wife. I was hurt and devastated and was deeply searching for some help understanding what I had felt and how to comprehend everything that was going on. This book helped greatly. I recently recommended the book to a mother of a friend who's daughter is in a similiar position. I am now actively dating, with a better understanding of who I am and the confusing elements of relationships. Someday, when I do find Mr. Right, I'll be much better prepared to establish a relationship, using many of the tools I was able to develop by reading this book.