Loose Girl: A Memoir of Promiscuity

Raw and exposed- definitely a page turner.

"Loose Girl" is really about a teenager who doesn't know what to expect from people. Early in the book she goes through one "one-night-stand" after another, graduating to "one-minute-stands" and other vapid sexual relationships. But nowhere is there any "playful" courtship; none of her "boyfriends" try to win her over with flowers or lame poetry. Not once does she get asked out to dinner and a movie (until she's in college). She doesn't seem to know that teenage couples can do fun things, not just have sex! Bill Cosby once talked about this on one of his call outs. He talked about a teenage girl who was having sex with too many boys and got pregnant. When asked why, the girl said she "I wanted to feel loved." As usual, Cosby said "if this girl is having sex with boys because she wants to feel loved, then she's obviously not getting love at home." Kerry Cohen's memoir is just that. This girl has no parents, at least not the way other kids do. Her parents are divorced, her mother has gone off to "find herself" and her father is an aging hippy who cares only for himself. So Kerry, now a teenager with no guidance, let's boys take advantage of her because she "wants to be wanted." She's aware of her sexuality from an early age and knows she can use it to get anything... except real love. It's not until adulthood that she develops "hobbies" and "interests" which is what should've happened in the first place. But as we all know, if the parents are not taking an interest in the children's lives, they'll find other people to take an interest in them... with deadly consequences.

From the opening paragraph, I was right there and stayed with Kerry through this agonizing journey. Our experiences are different, and yet, she made it so clear that the drive for attention and acceptance is universal--regardless of how it is played out. The story reminded me of the Oz narrative: when the emotional cyclone spun Kerry off course, she landed with a crash, but there was no yellow brick road and few good companions to accompany her. In her search for connection and meaning, she took shortcuts, but was too young to understand the destructive ramifications of those choices. Those expecting a salacious, sensationalistic memoir will be disappointed. Those valuing honesty without varnish or embellishment will be relieved that someone had the courage to tell the plain truth about how she got off course and found her way. Kerry acknowledges that this is a tenuous, unfinished journey and she takes it a step at a time. Far too many stories of this type are afflicted by a fast-paced narrative and an over-the-top conclusion ("I saw the light and skipped off into the sunset"). This type of terminal silliness rings false because it's been overused and abused (e.g., "A Million Little Pieces"). I trust Kerry's story because it is so bare bones. As she began relying on herself and engaging with the creative process via writing, she was able to connect more fully with life. She points out that this is part of a lifelong journey. Rather than force a conclusion, she stops the story in an interesting place leaving the reader wanting to hear more from her.

In "Loose Girl", Kerry Cohen has written a memoir of startling clarity and unblinking honesty. So often, memoir has proven to be a vehicle for proselytization or even vindication, but Cohen resists the temptation to assign blame or explain away the personal impulses that drove her to reckless behaviors and a pattern of promiscuity and heartbreak. Instead she is straightforward and clear, exploring her own weaknesses and her dysfunctional quest for love and intimacy through unrewarding physical relationships. Cohen's writing style is engaging and intimate. She writes about her sexual encounters with a real sense of presence, and when she falls into familiar patterns of behavior, the reader shares her stumbles with genuine pain. Parts of "Loose Girl" can be difficult to read, in the very best ways that a memoir can challenge a reader, and Cohen doesn't sugarcoat her experiences or attempt to explain away her behaviors. In her memoir, Kerry Cohen displays an addictive personality, but she also possesses keen self-awareness and a burning (and often heartbreaking) commitment to change. "This time will be different," she seems to say, over and over, and it is on the strength of her writing that we hope right along with her every time. The pain that she feels when old patterns reassert themselves becomes visceral. The book ends not with false epiphany or some kind of phony life change, but rather with a quiet sense of hopefulness and the feeling, perhaps no more than a whispered and fragile promise, that even the most broken of us can find happiness and perhaps even a measure of peace. "Loose Girl" is ultimately a story of quiet personal redemption, and I recommend it without reservation.

For a book about sex, this memoir is strangely bloodless. Or I should say, strangely sexless. On the surface, it's about nothing at all. I guess that's Cohen's entire point. She has a great line "trying to fill the emptiness with air". And that's about all it is. Even the actual sex scenes aren't at all hot (sorry guys!). Yet this book has a subtle power. She lures you in from the street with sex in her shop window, yet manages to steer you over to the compassion and insight aisle well before she's done with you. This book should be co-marketed in tandem with its (idiotic) male counterparty - "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" by Tucker Max. He has one showstopper line in there: "Female insecurity - the gift that never stops giving." That line may raise a question? Cohen supplies the answer. An excellent book.

I was riveted from the first page on and basically ignored my children all afternoon to read this book. Kerry Cohen has captured the sense of pride coupled with self-loathing and disgust that filled my teen and young adult years as I too sought something to fill an inner emptiness in the arms and beds of boy after boy. Sometimes very uncomfortable to read - but so powerfully honest I was compelled to continue. Excellently done, beautifully written and a book most women will see at least a part of themselves in. Highly recommend.