Longing to Tell: Black Women Talk about Sexuality and Intimacy

Take a literary journey with Tricia Rose, author of LONGING TO TELL, and read some revealing, heartbreaking, and inspiring narratives from a host of women of color who talk about sexuality, race, and their coming of age as a woman.Tricia Rose begins by sharing with readers the purpose and reason for this unusual project which opened up doors to allow these unknown and unspoken women of color to tell their stories. The women outlined in the book is of various ages, economic, and educational backgrounds. The extensive research and countless interviews propel this author's thought-provoking narratives from women breaking through a sexuality barrier that has always been unspoken of through generations of people of color. LONGING TO TELL rises to the occasion, orchestrating a context that speaks from the voices of women on their sexual relationships, and intimate clichés that thrust many into a naive state of ignorance and misinterpreting the art of intimacy.The women's names were changed along with other details to protect their identity due to some very graphic details in which they outlined their exposure to sexuality. It was a hard lesson for many and a rude awakening for others. They speak on growing up in dysfunctional surroundings, exposure to drugs, and going from one relationship to another. Several grew up with the pretense that if you had sex it meant love. They explain how their families and children had to endure their unorthodox and self-destructive behaviors that sometimes lead to tragic consequences. One woman speaks of how her young son was beaten to death by her boyfriend, and never realized the warning signs because she stayed in a haze of drugs. They speak candidly about their first sexual encounters with men and women. They speak on where they were and where they are today. They explain their process of healing along the path to finally taking control of their lives. All the women's narratives speak volumes on the depth and courage that made them survivors. In the end, the author sums up very eloquently the overall dynamics of the sexual ramifications that women of color encounter today. LONGING TO TELL by Tricia Rose is a well written book. Tears came to my eyes several times reading some of the stories, and I wanted to jump into the book and hug and congratulate each woman on revealing their personal journey. I applaud Ms. Rose for her insight and courage to develop, research, and talk with so many women who are sisters, mothers, aunts, wives, and friends offering them an outlet in which to speak. A must read for everyone because knowledge is the key to understanding and awareness. (...)

Longing to Tell consists of 20 Black women telling their stories about sexand intimacy. The women range from 19 to 48 and all have powerful storiesto tell about their experiences.All women discussed what it meant to be intimate or have intimacy with aperson. Intimacy was broadly defined and included more than just a sexualrelationship and included relationships with family and friends. Mostwomen defined intimacy in similar terms: a reciprocal relationship withsomeone where you can let down your guard and express yourself without outfear of being judged or criticized.Other themes that arose in the course of the book were Black women'srelationships with Black men. Some of the women had horrific experiencesattempting to love and sustain a relationship with Black men, and whilesome woman had sworn off of Black men and were dating outside the race orwere lesbians, most women were committed to finding love with a Black man.The negative stereotypes of Black women in the media and particularly thoseperpetuated by Black artists were discussed. Sexism within the Blackcommunity was also explored including the stress experienced by Black womenof having to navigate racism and sexism on the outside and then having tocome home to a situation where a woman's contribution and independence arenot valued and where a woman was sometimes viewed as little more thanproperty.The most disturbing subject in the book was sexual violence against women.Many (if not most) of the women interviewed told stories of incest,molestation, rape, sexual harassment or sexual degradation. The bookforcefully brought home the point of how vulnerable Black girls and womenare to sexual abuse and also helped me see that sexual abuse against Blackwomen unfortunately really is not all that surprising when one considersthat Black women have been and continue to be the objects of sexualdegradation in the media and little more than property in relationships.Until Black women are valued for the contributions they bring to thesociety as whole and to relationships in particular, it will continue to be"OK" to continue the sexual violence against our girls and women.Despite all the negativity directed at Black women, the book highlightedthe fact that Black women are an exceptional group who live in a worldwhere racism and sexism (within and without the Black community) affect ourdaily lives. Nonetheless, we are the keepers of the family and themaintainers of our men. The abuse we are subject to is unparalleled, butwe still strive. The book captured this uniqueness of Black women and away that I have never seen expressed before.I would highly recommend this book to all Black women as it represents acelebration of all that we are. Additionally, in reading this book I wasalso struck by how much Black men could benefit from the stories, and Ialso highly and enthusiastically recommend this book to Black men.5 stars(...)

I am currently a student at UCSC and took one course with Dr. Tricia Rose and could not get enough of it! She is awesome, funny, no nonsense, savvy, and above all, a REMARKABLE woman! I recommend this book to anyone who wishes to continue learning about African American culture and to gain insight on what many powerful black women go through in everyday life. Hopefully you all can meet Tricia Rose and be just as enthused by her as I amROCK ON PROFESSOR ROSE!

Why 'ordinary black women'? Because Tricia Rose has brought us the *everyday* lives of African-American women navigating life in the contemporary US. The women here are ordinary insofar as they face the same struggles with the forces arrayed against all black women in this culture: white supremacy, patriarchy, homophobia, and classism. But she never makes heroines or superwomen of the these women and that is why the book is so powerful. The stereotype of the black superwoman who can do it all is absent here. It's often painful reading, but it also reveals the possibility of identification with the experiences found here. 'Longing To Tell' is poignant, sad and, at the same time, joyous and determined. The book often seems like a story told by a close friend and that is another reason why this book is so important. Black women's experiences around sexuality and intimacy are always rendered as fiction, myth, tabloid 'news' feature, or pathology *without* the voices of black women. Rose's book writes against that long, ugly tradition and lends dignity to black women's relation to sexuality and intimacy with no moral judgement rendered. In short, mandatory. If I could afford to, I'd buy this book for all of my friends.

As an African-American woman who feels deeply compelled to reach out to other African-American women, to learn about them and about myself, I am often very frustrated at the level of discourse that is routinely passed off in the media - yes, both mainstream and African-American media - as being truly representative of all black women. So many of the superficial, cardboard archetypes that are presented - the baby mama, the loveless career woman who is waiting for a black man to make her whole so that she can "exhale," the gangbanger, the avaricious rump-shaking rap video seductress, the funny fat girl with loads of finger-popping attitude, the longsuffering nurturer, the white girl's selfless best friend/spiritual-soulfulness guru - seem unable or unwilling to get to the heart of who we really ARE, what we are really thinking and feeling about ourselves, our lives, our bodies. Thank God for this collection! These honest, thoughtful, first-person accounts read like transcripts of deep conversations, spiritual exchanges of intimate confidences between these remarkable women and me as spread out over a life-long friendship. We are so often isolated, silenced, shamed into keeping quiet about our pain and frustration, so that we won't air our "dirty laundry" in public and embarrass our race, that we've almost convinced ourselves that our only problems in life are external ones caused by "The Man" - admitting to deep problems within our own homes, our own culture, our own relationships is condemned as disloyal sacrilege. Hearing these women's voices speaking their truths out loud helps me as I continue to identify my own voice and gives me courage to speak out, too. Seeing their continued hopefulness despite all that they've had to face gives me strength. And it lets me know that I am not alone. I bought this book the day that it was released and finished it in one sitting. And I am encouraging all of my friends (and all of you, too!), regardless of race or gender, to read it as well. It is truly funny, sad, inspirational and thought-provoking. It speaks to the black condition, the female condition but, most of all, the human condition, in all of its complexity.