Life After Birth

There are lots of books about how wonderful motherhood is, and there are lots of books that address the hard parts (Misconceptions, The Mask of Motherhood, etc.). Reading the first kind makes me feel crazy and inadequate. Reading the second kind makes me feel angry and used. THIS absolutely wonderful book told the whole truth, validated EVERY feeling I've ever had about the whole experience, and made me realize I'm normal, not crazy, and blessed beyond belief. A big thank you to this author. I've read many books about mothering. This one is by far the best.

I know that this book has distressed some other readers, but I'm grateful Figes and Zimmerman wrote it. They're dead right when they say other books tend to be DIY manuals and paint a wildly optimistic picture of the physical recovery you should expect. There's a big difference between "feeling well enough to get up and back to a normal adult routine" and "feeling well", and medically-oriented books and people often fudge the two. It should come as no surprise that a physical change and strain as big as pregnancy and childbearing should take much more than the eight or twelve weeks' recovery we're told to expect. In a good part of nature, the mother, flower, what have you _dies_ after giving birth or laying eggs; why should we expect childbirth recovery to be like a sprained ankle or a broken bone? Apart from the frankness on physical issues, I appreciate their indignation about how pregnant women are viewed in a society based on an uneasy near-equality and financial productivity. There doesn't seem to be any real role for us that recognizes we're simultaneously people and pregnant. And there's a strange embarrassment, even irritation, that seems to say, "Aren't you supposed to go be with the women in your family now (and stop reminding us that there's life beyond ordinary work and play)?" Well, for those of us who don't have many women in the family, don't have nearby family, or don't have supportive families, that's not helpful. So hooray for these two women, who've written a book about mother care, not just baby care.(Oh -- and to readers who wonder why anyone would go through pregnancy knowing the horrors that might await: Some of us do it because it's the best way we know to give to someone else, when it's time to do that. And frankly, if you let yourself out occasionally, things that sound physically nightmarish in your teens can sound pretty surviveable and transient in your 20s or 30s. You also begin to understand you're not going to keep forever anyway.)

Excellent book about the reality of motherhood-especially for first time mothers. I identified with so many of the emotional aspects of this book, and felt quite validated in my emotions. When I started the book I was really struggling with my feelings about becoming a mother. By the end, I think a combination of this book and time helped me work through many of the confusing things I was feeling.

As a first time mother at the age of 36, this book provided me with a great deal of comfort. Prior to having my first child, I practiced law for ten years. I assumed the stress associated with staying home to raise my child would pale in comparison to the stress associated with litigating. WRONG. Ms. Figes candidly discusses the fact that staying at home to raise a child is incredibly difficult physically and emotionally. There are so many contradictory feelings. Staying at home is both mind numbing (feed the baby, change the diaper, take a walk) and challenging (what should I do with the baby now?). Although you realize the importance of staying home to raise your child, you feel like you may not be the most ideal candidate to do so due to periodic feelings of resentment, boredom, and isolation. Life seems to be passing you by. You no longer have the time or energy to pursue your own interests. I took a cooking and photography class while pregnant, assuming I'd have plenty of time to do both once my child was born (they sleep all the time right?). WRONG AGAIN. Although there are opportunities to socialize with other mothers, they only want to discuss their children (not current events) and can be a bit competitive (you haven't signed little Johnny up for a preschool yet?). When you meet with other mothers, they seem intent on continuing the fairy tale myths associated with motherhood and are afraid to discuss any of the negative aspects for fear it will appear they do not love their child. This book let me know that I am not crazy and not completely incompetent. It acknowledges that being a mother can be an incredibly humbling experience. It also lets you know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and assures you that you have made the right decision. You can always go back to your career after providing your child with a secure beginning to life. I'm planning to read "Surrendering to Motherhood" by Iris Kranow next. It appears to have a similiar theme.