Lies My Mother Never Told Me: A Memoir

From the opening word of her memoir, Lies My Mother Never Told Me, to the final punctuation, Kaylie Jones puts her life in full view for all the world to read knowing full well her self-esteem, dignity, and emotional health will cannon fodder and become casualties of war. A war fought on the home front that ambushes, out flanks, and attacks her head on. The enemy is alcoholism and Gloria Jones, Kaylie's mother, is the face of that adversary. Being the daughter of a WWII veteran, Kaylie soldiers on to resurrect her life from the ashes of the battlefield. Although Gloria Jones may be seen as an evil character from a Disney movie, Kaylie portrays her realistically, yet tactfully does not post blame. Gloria, despite her horrible comments to Kaylie throughout her life is seen for her physical beauty, grace, sense of humor, and addiction that consumes the real Gloria and those around her. The brutal honesty in which Kaylie writes is an attribute to her as a writer, person, and healer. How does a child hearing numerous times, "If I had to pick between having your father of having you, I would pick your father" and not be cut to the core? This sets the pattern of verbal abuse Kaylie endures at the hands of her mother's addiction. It would be easy for Kaylie to blame her mother, but she doesn't. Kaylie does what all children of alcoholics or children whose parents are divorcing do. She blames herself and suppresses the hurt and anger in order to keep the peace. Having had years of experience, therapy, a supporting husband, and a tough, strong-willed, and insightful daughter, Kaylie is able to filter through the rubble and never place blame, but enlighten us to the true evil mustache-twisting antagonist, alcohol. Kaylie, herself, turned to the bottle as a way to cope with life. Her entire life she was groomed that alcohol is not evil, but the people who could not handle it are. Alcoholics are degenerates who are homeless and whose lives are in shambles. After all, her father wrote several novels while drinking heavily. That was "proof" he wasn't an alcoholic. Her mother functioned normally, had a wonderful husband and social life, and she drank heavily. Wasn't that "proof" she wasn't an alcoholic? They were alcoholics and Kaylie became one herself, but realized that despite her family's definition of an alcoholic, she faced the sobering truth and admitted it. Despite all the horrible things Kaylie experienced at the hands of alcohol, including the loss of her father as a teenager, she propels herself upward after hitting rock bottom. What Kaylie experienced was the control that "demon-alcohol" has on a person. As she starts her path to sobriety, Kaylie is met head-on and is refuted by her mother. Kaylie breaks away, not from her mother, but the stranglehold alcohol has on her life. Just as she described, alcoholics circle the wagons to defend their need to maintain their lifestyle. That lifestyle often flourishes because the alcoholic surrounds themselve

"When I was little my mother often told me, `If I had to pick between having your father or having you, I would pick your father.'" And so begins a memoir so poignant, so haunting, and ultimately, so full of grace, that I came away from the experience with renewed hope. In LIES MY MOTHER NEVER TOLD ME, Kaylie Jones offers her readers an honest, unsentimental glimpse into a world of literary celebrity, where both glamour and anguish reside. Jones's memoir is one of triumph, particularly, but not exclusively over alcoholism. Fortunately for us, she manages to tell her story (and that of her father James Jones, author of FROM HERE TO ETERNITY) without judgment. And considering the seriousness of the subject matter, I was surprised at how often I laughed out loud while reading the book. LIES MY MOTHER NEVER TOLD ME is a memoir for our times and destined to be a bestseller.

I can't remember the last time I read a memoir that made me want to grab a friend to share it with as much as this one. The book succeeds on several levels. Any fan of James Jones will find a tremendous amount of insider information about him and his contemporaries -- and he seemed to know every major writer and many celebrities. The author's own story of her attempts to succeed as a writer on her own merit and to understand family dynamics while rising above them was wholly absorbing. I loved the decision to preface chapters with stories her mother liked to tell at parties -- funny stuff, and it gave an added dimension to her portrait of her mother. Her story of a French tour operator's attempt to narrate a trip to WWII battle fields is perhaps the funniest thing I've read in years, and is alone worth the price of the book.

We've often heard that privilege is paired with pain, and that has certainly been true in the life of Kaylie Jones, daughter of acclaimed novelist James Jones (From Here To Eternity, The thin Red Line). She writes with searing honesty, apparently wihholding nothing. In fact, at times the reader may think she reveals too much simply because it would seem that revisiting some things would hurt too much. Yet, in the end, after lancing these painful memories, releasing the poisons she emerges stronger than she had ever dreamed. Born in Paris she lived in a sumptuous apartment with her father, her beautiful mother, Gloria, and adopted brother, Jamie. The centerpiece in that apartment was an antique 18th century carved wooden pulpit used as a bar. To her father this was a great irony , his way of thumbing his nose at his Christian forebears, "...all of it--the hypocrisy, the sexual repression, and the beatings his mother had given him in the name of God." Gloria did not physically abuse Kaylie, yet she ravaged her emotionally telling the child, "You're a mean, spoiled ugly girl. You bore me to death. I can't wait till you grow up." When Kaylie did grow, there was more vitriol, "You're a whore, you know that? Your father would be ashamed of you." The verbal abuse never ended for as long as Gloria lived. Yet, among friends Gloria could be amusing, a well liked raconteur. She would hold court among guests which often included the world's literary lights such as James Baldwin, William Styron, Norman Mailer, Willie Morris, and more. Parties at the Jones apartment often lasted through the night, often ending only at dawn. There were few prohibitions in their household save one - no one saw or would admit that both James Jones and Gloria were alcoholics. Jones died of congestive heart failure when Kaylie was 16. She would remember forever sitting by his hospital bed and seeing "her father's green eyes clouding over." She dedicated herself to his legacy, read the books he had read, determined to better know the man she so loved. At the same time she wanted to escape her mother's contempt and become meaningful for herself, not as a famous person's daughter. That proved to be a tortuous path as early on she drank far too much, and in time was suffering blackouts. She was sleeping with the wrong people, and eventually married the wrong man. It was only after years of searching and self-recrimination that she was able to admit that she too was an alcoholic, and take her first steps on the road to recovery. For the most part, Lies My Mother Never Told Me is not a happy memoir. In a day when many bury their family secrets this book is remarkable for its candor, the author is unsparing of others and most of all herself. Many struggle in life but few as mightily as Kaylie, thus we find ourselves rejoicing in her victory yet saddened by what she suffered to achieve it. - Gail Cooke

"Perhaps for me, Heaven is a well-lit, shining room with a long, beautiful table piled high with delicacies." Kaylie Jones is talking about her literary heroes, Tolstoy, Nabokov, Stendhal and her father, James Jones, sitting, eating, drinking and all they discuss is books. Kaylie approaches the table, her father stands and introduces her to the group and welcomes her to the table. This is a writer's dream and Kaylie Jones belongs here. Her memoir, 'Lies My Mother Never Told Me' has the ring of a winner. It is one of those books you can't put down, the writing and the story are so compelling that I want to ask, "Kaylie, how are you and your family and your sweet daughter, Eyrna?" She has opened her wounds so wide that the honesty that emanates from the deep inside must be a healing force. Kaylie Jones,what a lucky little girl, daughter of the famous author, James Jones and his glorious and lovely wife, Gloria. They lead a life of the rich and famous. Of course, from the outside that is exactly what you see, but when you look more closely, you discover the warts and the drinking and the emotional abuse of many years, the life of a daughter of an alcoholic. Kaylie lived her formative years in the light of the father's eyes. There were constant parties and traveling and drinking, but her father kept most of it in check. Sure, her mother would forget to pick her up from school until it was dark, but excuses were made and her father filled in the missing pieces for Kaylie and her brother, Jamie. But, then her father died, and her life as she knew it fell apart. She went to college and started writing. She had one or two jobs but her mother kept the money coming so that she could buy the booze and the drugs that she needed to keep her life together. She had several relationships and a marriage but they fell apart. Eventually, Kaylie realized one day that she was ready to stop drinking, and her real life started. Kaylie found the love of her life, married and had a child, Eyrna. She was writing and one of her books, 'A Soldier's Daughter Never Cries' was made into a film with Kris Kristofferson. She helped to run The James Jones Literary Society. A wonderful life, but, of course, there was her mother, Gloria. The same woman who was the love of James Jones's life, and the society woman who loved to party, was an alcoholic who made Kaylie's life miserable. The words that she said to Kaylie to describe her were so terrible and insensitive that it has taken Kaylie a lifetime to learn how to deflect them and let them roll off her back. It was not easy and took much work, but with the help of her husband, her friends who were recovering alcoholics and her lovely daughter, Kaylie persevered. This is not an easy read, the words and experiences were so grating that we could feel the pain, time and time again. Somehow Kaylie found the strength and the Black Belt she and her daughter won in Tae Kwon Do after much hard work,helped to give her the resolve that s