A few days after Matthew's death, I remember getting in my car one night and just driving. I wanted to drive so fast; I wanted to hit something and die. I felt so full of pain and deep, deep loss that I wanted to end my life. The only thing that stopped me from following through that night was the thought that I might take someone else out with me by mistake. Instead, I drove my car to the middle of nowhere, and I screamed and cried and screamed and...
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