Lessons in Becoming Myself

I could not put down Ellen Burstyn's "Lessons In Becoming Myself" after I read through the first thirty pages or so. The book draws directly from Burstyn's personal diary, kept since childhood, providing plenty of detail. I had to adjust to the writing style, particularly in the beginning, since it reads like a diary, not an autobiography. Despite that, this searingly honest memoir will grab you as she charts her journey for authenticity and truth. Burstyn covers her very difficult childhood - abusive parents and a high school tragedy - through her reversals of fortune to her astounding triumph in show business. She is best known for her groundbreaking film roles in "Alice Does Not Live Here Anymore" (a woman awakens to the process of living her life as a primary, not a secondary, person), "The Exorcist", and "A Requiem for a Dream." She does not pull any punches as she recounts her childhood in Detroit; her brother's near fatal struggle with pneumonia; an illegal abortion which she felt due to sin kept her from bearing children; her three failed marriages including a mentally ill husband who stalks her for years; and the multiple relationships she entered into whenever a man seemed interested in her (including an affair at age nineteen to a man who was fifty-two). "I was a pushover for any man who actually seemed interested in me." She talks about her many failures, failures she would cry for. These included failures of judgment, of choices, but most of all, her failures of love. She also admits to her many addictions - cigarettes, marijuana, some drugs (including psilocybin which may have started her husband Neil on his never-to-return psychotic path), men, and alcohol, judging, gossip, negative thinking, and the material world. The real story in "Lessons" is Burstyn's lifelong spiritual journey as she investigates varied spiritual paths and "healers" in the hope of finding the meaning of life...and "self." She lost her Catholic faith early but quickly came to realize that "God shaped a hole in her heart." Her salvation begins when she ended up in therapy which "began her rescue from the morass of unconscious self-destruction and bad attitude...bringing what's hidden in the shadows into the light of consciousness, recognizing the patterns, deepening the understanding, and literally taking responsibility for who she was." There is something in Burstyn's story for everyone to identify with and/or to learn from. "Lessons" is a frank and unsparing account of a star's journey as an actor, and a human being.

I was so excited to see this book from Ellen Burstyn having been a huge fan of her as an actress, and did not expect what I read. The title is perfect as it chronicles her search for her true identity and purpose in this life. She acknowledges her own faults but uses them as a springboard to the next level of understanding herself. It is the journey of a woman truly committed to the fulfillment of the search being the search itself and "seeing" things in their truest form - not only in her acting but in all phases of her life. She has weathered the storm and journeyed deep within to reveal herself culminating in what she obviously treasures as one of her deepest moments as an artist - the scene she shared with her "son" in "Requium for a Dream". This book is about protecting one's sacred self and allowing that true version to keep going deeper and reemerging a little bit better, truer, more aware. I had the feeling of being transformed after having read it, and felt the need to commit to myself in the same way. Read this book! It will change your life.

Ellen's mother was neither emotionally distant nor simply "challenging" - Ellen was a punching bag for her mother and when she was big enough it stopped because they ( her mother and stepfather) realized she would fight back. Once she was old enough she split the scene physically but this reader was surprised that Ellen continued to have a relationship with her mother until her mother's death at a ripe old age- the good DO die young.( Ellen was physically beaten and tortured by the rage of both her mother and step father for years- this is not an exageration)-. As far as the genetic father - truly creepy , but he's a minor player except when ellen tries to salvage some worth from this relationship. Bottom line- virtually all healers of this "stripe" ( Ellen) have had backgrounds requiring that they understand the depths of cruelty and jealousy of their own power and overcome and forgive and forgive and forgive. How frightening to be all alone in the world with no support- and threatened daily- aware of the immense talent and bright future up ahead- barely able to breathe and believe it could come true...I was thrilled for Ellen when she leaves home on a bus, penniless but rich in dreams- gleeful to be out of that prison called parental home.Ellen is an open target for men who just want to steal her beauty, but eventually people like Strasberg give her morsels of the truth- she has power- it's called TALENT and jealousy of this was the motive behind her mother's attempts to belittle her- to destroy her. I enjoyed reading about Ellen's conceptual contribution to the story line and content of her most prominent roles- unlike some readers I suspect that Ellen had an even greater impact on most of the works than she can even decipher from hindsight. It wasn't until recently ( Thank you madonna for one) that women in the arts were given the credit and MONEY ( ie true value) that they deserved. Ellen learns as she moves along but much too late - the statute of limitations has run out. I have just finished the book and it has left me reeling ; the archetypal impact of this story being told - at this time- is very wondrous. Ellen seems to have only a minor grasp of the impact of the heroine's journey she has lived out and revealed to us with no varnish.There are hints at it of course, the word divine feminine kept coming up- and this stuck in my mind- but that's another road completely. Groundbreaking and in some ways non linear- this memoir is very very rich.

I have been a fan of Ellen Burstyn's since I first saw her in Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore as a child. I was drawn to the sense of realism she instilled into the character of Alice and soon checked out her other performances in such films as The Exorcist and The Last Picture Show, which proved to me that Alice wasn't a fluke. She is one of the true talents of her generation. Needless to say, I couldn't wait to read her memoirs. What a life she has led! What is most amazing about this memoir is her honesty. She does not shirk the more unpleasant details of her life but faces them head on. I suppose it is this honesty that informs her craft as well. This memoir ultimately has made me admire her all the more.

Ellen's mother was always too busy for her and could never fully connect with her daughter's dreams. Ellen wound up spending much of her life in a vain effort to impress her mom, and not until full maturity was she blessed with the wisdom that some people are just un-impressable and don't really care very much, even perhaps about their own children. As for her father, much of the pre-publication publicity about LESSONS IN BECOMING MYSELF centered on her weird dad, and all I can say is, you've never read anything like it. Jennifer Connelly, you thought you had it bad in REQUIEM FOR A DREAM, but you should have asked Ellen Burstyn for tips on how to handle infinitely sleazy sex situations! Her father, whom she hadn't seen in years, came on to her in a very graphic way, jumping into her bed, when as a young adult she paid a visit to him and his new wife. He never gave up on his hope of bedding her, even on his deathbed! He's sickening and you can't believe she survived this incest trauma, but maybe it just gave her wisdom about men being pigs. Even before she was famous, Ellen had the knack for attracting genius male artists, and some of the liveliest chapters of her book involve her encounters with the great. You get an extended glimpse of Jackie Gleason (Ellen was one of his dancers on his TV show in the 1950s), and in a very different direction, when she visited France, she was taken by two Texans to meet the elderly modernist painter Marc Chagall at his home in Saint-Paul-de-Vence. Chagall was so taken by her that he brought her out to the balcony and sat with her on his terraces, leaving poor Madame Chagall to deal with the other guests inside. Let's see, who else? She met the architect and futurist Buckminster Fuller and he wrote a lovely poem for her, bemoaning the fact that he was too old to make love to her, but their souls would always be intertwined. Oh, and Carlos Castaneda has dinner with her, then shows up the next day with the manuscript of his new book (THE SECOND RING OF POWER) asking her to make a movie of it! "Carlos Castaneda was very real, as were his experiences," she states flatly, but I don't know how she knows this for sure. It wasn't like she went to Mexico with him or anything. Maybe she picked it up from his aura. She is super into the New Age, so if you get tetchy about New Age notions, you might as well skip this book. I guess you wouldn't be reading a book called LESSONS IN BECOMING MYSELF if you were allergic to the way we think here in California! By the time she hit it big, Ellen was already in her mid-thirties and more mature at handling stardom than some of her 70s cohorts. She gives unvarnished portraits of the camaraderie of movie sets, and details her adventures making THE LAST PICTURE SHOW in Texas, stuck at a motel for weeks and watching the inevitable romance between Bogdanovich and Cybill Shepherd. Cloris Leachman won the Oscar for the part, and behind her she overheard poor Ann-Margret