A Confession

The starting point of this work always fascinated me. Here is a great genius of mankind, recognized throughout the world as an immortal creator of Literature. He is the father of a large family and has a wife he has loved and who has loved him. He has great wealth .In other words here is a person who seems to have almost everything most human beings strive for in their lives and do not attain in any way close to the level at which he has attained them. And yet it all turns meaningless to him, and he in despair asks the question of whether there is anything to truly live for, what can give life true meaning. For he too senses that Death will take him and all his worlds, and their meaning away. His answer comes from within his own personal Christian faith. It is not a formal church faith but rather has to do with the message of God he hears in his heart, the message of love for all of mankind. Meaning is to be found according to Tolstoy in living in a spiritual way in which stress is placed in goodness with others and sharing with them whatever one has to give. The meaning of life is living according to this voice of God he hears within. This is the answer Tolstoy gave, but the evidence of his life suggests it did not satisfy him. For his questionings and doubts persisted throughout his lifetime, and his life did not end in some great gesture of affirmation and love but rather in his running from the once- beloved wife, who for years had embittered his life, as he hers. This work cannot of course compare to Tolstoy's great novels in scope or even in human interest. It is a look at a great man's ' soul' at one stage of his life but in giving that life omits many of the great skills Tolstoy made use of in other writing. As spiritual guide it has never seemed to me to provide the kind of answers to life meaning I have been looking for. Yet I understand how it may be of much help and consolation to all those who have suffered crises similar to that of Tolstoy.

Tolstoy's Confession was written during his time of deep internal spiritual struggle. Upon his renunciation of a life of aristocratic wealth and worldly pleasure, Tolstoy longed for the sense of true peace that he saw in the peasant class. Thus he embarked upon a search for meaning and happiness through a life of simple faith, manual labor, and poverty. He formulated his own Chrisian philosophy based on Christ's Sermon on the Mount stressing the existence of the Kingdom of God within the human heart, civil disobedience, and total pacifism. This "law of love" is explored deeply in confessional form throughout this autobiographical work. Although this particular approach to living the life in Christ ultimately did not cultivate in Tolstoy the deep inner peace that he yearned for, I feel that many of his ideas can be beneficial to people both within the Church as well as not. Regardless of the validity of his doctrine, it cannot be denied that this is an authentic, genuine, and very human confession of a man searching for God and some meaning to life on earth. Although I personally disagree with many of Tolstoy's points, I still hold his Confession to be a universal work that deserves a fair exploration by all who have ever felt a similar need for inner peace and true reconciliation with God.

When reading A Confession I felt as if I were listening to a wise, animated friend. This book spoke to me. Tolstoy convincingly details the reasons not to live only to conclude that the best thing to do is to continue living. Since it is not a particularly well-known Tolstoy work, I thought it deserved some promotion here. It really is wonderful.

I first read, A Confession, more than 15 years ago, when as a confused teenager, I was looking for some meaning to my life. Who hasn't gone through this? Through reading a biography of Tolstoy, I found out about, A Confession. Immediately after reading this book, I felt a sense of relief that someone had put into words that which is always in the back of all our minds: The question of, What is the Meaning of Life? A Confession is a simple, straightforward account of Tolstoy's religious and spiritual crisis at the age of 50, when his family, fame, wealth, etc., lost meaning for him. The two-year period, on which A Confession is based, details in depth his struggles, and eventual salvation. This memoir gives great comfort, and peace to anyone who asks, "is this all there is." The book also shows the brilliance of the one of the world's great authors in communicating across the ages to humanity at all levels. Mike Gosling ([email protected]