Stalking the Soul

I wish I had read this book years ago. I went through years of therapy trying to figure out and explain my mother's hurtful behaviors towards me. The impact of these hurt felt devastating, but I was never sure if it was just me being too sensitive. This book is trememdously validating. It explains the abusive tactics, the inner psyche of the abuser and the victim, and the impact of being subject to such abuse. If you ever wonder if you were the target of emotional abuse, read this book. It'll save your life and bring you clarity.

Though I am an avid reader, I have never chosen to write a review before. But this book shook me to my very core. An earlier reviewer said she could only read a certain amount of this book at a time. I had that exact same experience. I felt while reading this book as if I had existed in the middle of a psychological horror movie and was only beginning to understand the real peril in which I had been unknowingly fighting for my very survival. I found out during my marriage that my exhusband had been diagnosed with sociopathic personality traits. He had set out to destroy my reality, which he almost did. I had never had psychological problems of any kind but after months, maybe years of abuse, I contemplated suicide, and I voluntarily signed myself into a hospital for psychiatric help for three days and was diagnosed with reactive depression. After leaving that relationship, within six months I was involved with another cruel, manipulative abuser for over three years. I went to counseling and my counselor told me I was being too hard on myself. I was blaming myself and literally killing myself trying to fix what could never be fixed. I had the physical symptoms: stomach and chest pain, disorientation, self-isolation, and many more. I was holding on by a thread. I never thought it could happen to me...I am fairly bright, I have an advanced degree, and I was very successful in my career. But I so greatly underestimated the capacity for deviousness, duplicity, and intentional cruelty of fellow human beings I so loved and trusted. I see their behaviors and manipulations so clearly in this book. I also learned that some of my own personality traits, so positive in a healthy setting, made me a walking magnet for narcissisitic and passive-aggressive personalities. I now know these abusers had impenetrable anger that had nothing to do with me. But I was there and I was an easy target and, in my ignorance, I allowed them to make my life almost unbearable. I am still trying to work my way back, but now I understand and I am making progress. I have two other books on emotional abuse, and, while they are good, neither comes close to the precise behavioral descriptions contained here. If you are reading this because you suspect there is something wrong in a relationship, you are probably right. I highly recommend this book. You cannot fight your enemy until you know your enemy.

"Stalking the Soul" will illuminate emotional abuse in a way that will shake you to the core. Marie-France Hirigoyen has insight that is usually reserved for those who have walked the path. I was impressed with the depth of her knowledge of narcissism and the insidious and covert nature of the disorder. Emotional abuse is a double-edged sword because it is so hard to prove. You'll go crazy just trying. The abuser is careful to reveal himself only to his victim while showing his false self, the one that hooked you, to everyone else. Manipulation is second nature to the emotional abuser, allowing him to slowly and methodically erode your sense of self and to murder your soul. The latter being their goal. You have become their prey, some'thing' to conquer. I immensely appreciated and respected Marie-France Hirigoyen careful avoidance and rejection of blaming the victim. She shows in compassionate detail how it is your very strengths and talents that make you perfect prey to a narcissist, not your weakness, as so many other books on the subject will have you believe. Blaming the victim is just another layer of abuse and this author discredits that theory with a few strokes of her mighty pen. She appears to have an intimate understanding of the inner workings of a mental abuser and her knowledge flows freely from the pages directly to you. Where it is the abuser's goal to destabilize, Marie-France Hirigoyen is the friend who lovingly shakes your shoulders and shouts "It's not YOU," leading you back to sanity. As a reminder, this book was originally written in French and the small translation difficulties should not deter you in any way.

Oh my. Oh my oh my oh my. I could only read bits of this book at a sitting. Dr. Hirigoyen equates emotional abuse with trauma. That explains my intrusive thoughts and flashbacks while reading it. This is SO satisfying to one who has experienced the lasting effects of emotional abuse. At last! Someone understands! This book is not for the timid. It is a clear-eyed, and unabashedly biased (toward the victim) look at the abusive process in varied aspects of life - the family, in business, and in the intimate relationship. Grit your teeth and read this one. It's a keeper.

Finally . . a book that TRULY understands emotional abuse. Why abusers abuse, why victims take it, how outsiders respond, how & why many psychologists deal with it incorrectly, and what victims can do etc. This book should be required reading for all people involved in abuse in any way. It could return the power to the victims and render many abusers impotent(i.e., powerless). I'm going to read it again SLOWLY.