Jay McGraw's Life Strategies for Dealing with Bullies

I was initially attracted to this book because of the author, Jay McGraw, whose investigative-type reporting pieces about kids and teens I'd seen on the Dr. Phil show (his Dad). He seemed to be able to communicate well with the kids he was talking to, and I find that he writes in the same way in this book, which is designed to be read by kids 9-12. There is a real knack in knowing how to talk to kids, and you either have it or you don't -- he's got it. I have interviewed hundreds of children in my child protective career, and you have to use a combination of leaving your adult mind behind and jumping back to that age group, as well as keeping up with the vernacular of the times in order not to sound like an ol' fuddy-duddy. Jay does an excellent job of this. The book begins by defining "bullying" which I felt was an excellent place to start, as, just by the word itself, it indicates that the problem lies with the bully, and not the victim. I've often thought, that kids who are bullied think they have done something to deserve maltreatment. Jay does a good job of explaining that some bullies are either internally miserable and want to feel power over others, and/or simply enjoy the attention they get from peers in saying and doing outrageous things to those they perceive too weak to fight back. Jay goes on to say that one way to fight being bullied is to change your perception about yourself that you can't do anything about it, and therein feel more confident in yourself -- something a bully definitely doesn't want to see. I was bullied daily as a child throughout elementary and high school for a weight problem, and I can say that this book would have helped me tremendously, whereas no teachers, parents, or friends could or would. "Turn the other cheek" gave me no tools or insight into the relationship I had with my bullies. One reviewer here has written that learning about the bully's motivation is not necessary to learn how to handle bullying, but I disagree, in that knowing the bully is not as confident as they appear to be is taking some of their perceived power out of the equation for the victim. It's easier to look at someone who is laughing at or verbally assaulting you as an insecure person making a scene for his friends' benefit, and trying to make you cower, than to see him/her as a frightening force against whom you can't retaliate. I think this book would be an excellent resource for elementary guidance counselors and teachers to use for mandatory classes about bullying, taking it chapter by chapter on a weekly basis, and involving parent-teacher organizations. The summaries, journal exercises, and quizzes (ex. "am I a bully?") are excellent tools in each chapter to use for group discussions with students. Also included are pledges for schools, parents, and kids to combat bullying in all its nasty forms. Bravo, Jay!

I saw this book and got it for my 10yo son who has been having a bully problem at school. We read the book together even though he is old enough to read it on his own... Reading it together really opened up a nice dialog between the two of us and I learned a lot more about his daily life and his daily frustrations at school. Every kid has to deal with bullies at one time or another. Even adults deal with some form of bullies at work on occasion. I found that the strategies and insight presented here in this book was very helpful to my son and it seemed to give him the confidence to deal with this kid at school. I know that he will use some of these techniques over and over in the upcoming years. I understand that these strategies won't work for all the bullies he will encounter over his lifetime, but it sure did work with the bully he has right now, so I am happy. Jay McGraw writes in a way that spoke to my son in a logical way that gave him some hope that he could indeed deal with this bully at school. He also presents some points that made for interesting topics for us to discuss as a family and my son was able to get some of his siblings to talk about their experiences when they were his age. I would recommend this book to friends.

Let me start off by firmly stating that this "IS" a very important book and the author is to be commended for brining this subject to light in his book and dealing with it in a very informative and helpful manner. Understanding that this book is meant for pre-teens and early teenagers, I felt that the author really "hit the nail on the head" on a lot of very important issues and subjects concerning bullies and being the victim of a bully. I know from personal and often times very painful experience what it was like to suffer through years of abuse from bullies throughout my school years. Not all of which took place just at school and only from other kids. And I can attest to the fact that it can affect you your entire life to one degree or another. A lot of that of course depends upon you and how you are able to deal with it. As I read through this book it brought back some very bad memories of things that I had gone through and thought that I had forgotten, or at least locked away somewhere never to come out again. I was wrong. I could certainly relate to a lot of the situations and responses that I had received from adults when I was bullied. I remember teachers adding insult to injury by making me feel like a crybaby when I complained to them about being picked on. You can bank on the fact that I only went to the teachers that one time, and never again. Being a kid and being picked on by another kid is one thing, but being humiliated by an adult on top of it just multiplies the effect a hundredfold. I could literally go on for quite some time on the things I went through, enough in fact to actually fill a book, something I may end up doing one day, but not today. The last act of bullying that I was subjected to as a child was so traumatic that it was literally a life-changing experience. As it turned out, a very good one for me, and not so good for those who would later attempt to bully or pick on me in some way or another over the years. Within weeks after this experience, I joined a Karate school in a nearby town and took to it like the proverbial duck to water. That was over 25 years ago now and I still practice my martial arts and also teach others. Heck, I've even written a few books on the subject and have even more coming out over the next few years. And that brings me to the one negative comment I have about this book and the author's viewpoint on the subject, which he doesn't really discuss at all, except to tell you that it is NOT an option, and that is, FIGHTING BACK! On page 111, the author makes several comments about fighting back, and here they are. "Don't start fistfights as a way of combating physical harassment." "There are a couple of good reasons why you shouldn't retaliate against bullies. First of all, you want to bring an end to these actions. Stooping to a bully's level only means you run a greater risk on continuing the bullying - or maybe even making it worse. You don't ever want to seem as though you are fann

I like this book. It's nicely written and it does a good job of explaining bullies and bullying behavior. The only issue I have is that the target age group for it is unclear since it's described as being for "kids." I selected this book to help my 8-year-old learn about bullying but I discovered that the style really isn't "kid level", it's for older teens. There's nothing wrong with targeting books for older teens but it would be a good idea for the description to reflect this. I think it would help to have different versions of this book that are targeted for specific age groups; there could be a version for young children, one for older children, and one for teens. So, while it's a great book, I don't recommend that a parent give it to a child and expect them to read and understand it, you may need to read it along with them. But then, this would be an excellent opportunity to spend quality time with a child to teach them something valuable wouldn't it? Contents Chapter 1: What is Bullying? Chapter 2: E-bullying Chapter 3: Why Do Kids Bully Others? Chapter 4: The Damage Bullies Can Do Chapter 5: Are You Being Bullied? Chapter 6: Are You a Bully? Chapter 7: Taking on Bullies: What Kids Can Do Chapter 8: No Innocent Bystanders Chapter 9: Educating Parents Chapter 10: What Kids Can Ask Schools to Do Chapter 11: Forgiving a Bully

I purchsed this book out of frustration to try and help my Asperger's child who has been the victim of bullying for many years. Even though this book doesen't even mention Aspergers, I must say, Jay McGraw has written a wonderful resource for kids, parents and educators. This book spends a lot of time identifying the different types of bullying, which I personally found to be extremely valuable for talking about the bullying and rude behavior that goes on at school. Jay correctly states that you need to "Get Real", that is, to admit to yourself that there is a problem before you can do anything about it. You do not know the relief my daughter felt when she recognized the behaviors of many of her "friends". For years she could not say that a way someone treated her was bullying. Having a book that spells it out in black and white is exactly what an Aspergers child needs. This book is not the magic solution to cure all the problems of adolescence, but it is a great starting point. I have purchased several copies of this book for her teachers because I feel it is that important. I also need to tell you that the writing style is very easy to understand. It is written specificly for kids ages 9 - 13. You will not feel overwhelmed reading it and neither will your child.