Is He Straight?: The Checklist for Women Who Wonder

My friend was telling me about this book because she was married to a gay man, and bought the book when it was recommended to her by a friend. I am single, but I am in a serious relationship and we were planning to get married in the Fall. I told my friend that my boyfriend is a very non-sexual person. My friend said that this is the time to read the book, before I get married, so I won't make the same mistake that her and her friend did. I would have never imagined that his sexuality would be an issue, because he is a very sporty, masculine man, and he has made negative comments about homosexuals. I am glad I read this book and could look for the warning signs before things got more serious with my relationship. My boyfriend denies having any issues, but he may not be able to admit it me or himself. Thank you for writing this book and saving me from a life of misery and confusion. Even if he is not gay, your book pointed out to me that I deserve to be happy, and should not settle for anything less.

Bonnie Kaye's book should be part of every woman's library. I wish I could have had it years ago. I went through so much anguish and pain over the cruelty that was done to me. It is a relief to know that this book is there for us.

Bonnie Kaye has written a text which undoubtedly can put the spotlight on marriages in trouble and that can not only help spouses come to terms with a life-altering problem, but also develop stragegies to deal with it. In her book, Is He Straight? A Checklist for Women Who Wonder, Ms. Kaye tells her own story in heartbreaking detail and shares with her readers HER way of dealing with the problems which ensue when a wife suspects her mate is gay or bi-sexual. She answers a variety of basic questions that cross the minds of wives faced with the possibility that their husbands are gay in a warm-hearted and authoritative manner; it's like having a good friend to talk to, someone who will listen to your problems and advise you from the point of view of having been their and having suffered the same fears and qualms. Her comments regarding concern for AIDS are most timely and can truly save lives. Her chapter dealing with children of a marriage on the brink of ending because of the revealed sexual orientation of the husband is very valuable in that it treats an issue that is crucial and one which often gets lost in the politics and selfishness of marital decisions based on sexual orientation. I recommend this book to anyone who has ever wondered about the sexual orientation of a spouse or significant other; the grief and anguish it can save is priceless.

When I first started running a helpline in England, UK four years ago to support parents with gay children, the majority of calls were from parents. But increasingly I and other helplines around the Country are receiving more and more calls from spouses of gay partners. These are mostly from wives with gay/bisexual husbands. We have tried very hard to obtain literature and support for these people, but apart from three ex wives of gay husbands who offer help by phone, there has been little else to offer them.So imagine my great joy when a friend of a friend gave me Bonnie Kaye's website address.I couldn't wait to get home to see what it was all about. I can't tell you how happy I was! Here at last was our lifeline.I immeadiately contacted Bonnie and we had a long 'chat' by e.mail. I recieved a copy of her book and couldn't put it down. It is an excellent book! I have recommended it to all 46 FFLAG ( Families and Friends of Lesbians And Gays) the UK national organisation of support helplines and groups members.I salute you Bonnie Kaye!

I read the book "Is He Straight, A Checklist for Women Who Wonder" at the urging of my wife. I have never been 100 percent honest with her about my sexuality because it was far too painful. I've justified my outside relationships to her claiming I was "bisexual." In Ms. Kaye's book, she hit the nail on the head. I am using that as an excuse to avoid the reality of my life. I am afraid that admitting I am homosexual will turn over the world that is secure and toss me into one that is so terrifying to me. I don't want to lose my wife. I do love her. As Ms. Kaye stated so eloquently, I didn't intent to "trick" my wife when I married her--I did love her. I was hoping that these attractions to men would disappear if I loved her enough--but they didn't. I know that living a lie can only hurt us both. My wife keeps confronting me about the truth, but after reading the book I can no longer lie about it. I am going to start therapy here in Maryland soon to see how I can come to terms with myself and give my wife the chance she needs to persue happiness on her own terms. I am hoping we can remain close and the best of friends. Is He Straight has given me the courage to face my own nightmares. Thank you Ms. Kaye, wherever you are, for giving me the courage to do what's right.