Into the Silence: The Power of Stillness in Living and Dying

This is a book I was able to read in one sitting, and I highly recommend it to those of us in the "sandwich generation", caring for kids and parents, too. It's about love and loss, but it's mostly about love and promise-keeping. The author promised her mother she'd be there at the end, and she kept that promise in so many ways, I was surprised and inspired. When the mother thinks she's in another time and place, the author kindly lets her be. It made me look at myself and blush at the way I am with my own parents, always hurried and irritable about their forgetfulness. I loved the way the author's mother comes back to life while drinking in her children's love and attention, and I'm sure I've seen that happen with my own parents. I just didn't notice it before. The author takes such care in describing her mother and siblings, injecting telling details great and small, that I felt I knew this family and felt their love and pain. The book is also sobering, though, in that it details how much physical labor is required when caring for someone, and the amount of time the caring required, even with people occasionally coming in to help. I am a better daughter for having read this book, and I will be a better person when it's my own time to say goodbye because of it.

Reviewed by Paige Lovitt for Reader Views (12/07) "Into the Silence" is a beautiful tribute to Judith Ashley's mother, Enid. While the author was residing in the United States, her mother was dying of cancer in England. Ashley went to be with her towards the end. "Into the Silence" tells the story of coming to terms with dying. Essentially, you are learning to live while dying. This story taught me to evaluate my own life. As I read, I felt that it is important to learn to live like you are dying, because if you wait until the end, it might be too late to clean up the loose ends. As the story progresses, Enid's life is revealed. She sounded like such a wonderful woman throughout her whole life. As she was dealing with terminal cancer, she maintained her dignity and a sense of humor. She cleared up her loose ends by going through her possessions and by making amends with the people that she needed to. Ashley had to come to terms with seeing her mother deteriorate and knowing that her death was imminent. She also left her husband behind in the United States while she was there to be with her mom. It was also a learning experience for Ashley to see how each of her siblings dealt with her mother's illness. She saw that there was a great deal of differences in their coping skills. Most of the story is written in the form of letters that Ashley sent to her husband while she was in England. Her special relationship with her husband helped her to cope; however, it was obvious that she missed him greatly. This was another tribute to a wonderful person. Ashley's children also had to deal with losing their grandma in their own way. Just like her siblings, each adult child had their own personalities and coping styles. She accepted them for who they are and was able to see them grow through this experience. At the same time that she was losing Enid, her husband was losing his mother. Having to deal with both losses at the same time, gave them a better understanding of what each person was going through. "Into the Silence" will be a life-altering book for all who read it. It is a beautiful story about the love between a mother and a daughter, and about dealing with death. It also taught me how to deal with life. As I was reading, I asked myself about how I want to be remembered and what kind of legacy I want to leave behind. I learned that you can go through tremendous suffering and still maintain your dignity and humanity. It also makes you really evaluate what is important in your life. I learned that I need to simplify my life. At the end, I think that most of us will realize that so much of what we once deemed important was trivial. As Ashley states, "...I contemplated on what creates a full life, and I think it is the stillness in which we can dwell in every moment, even while attending to the necessary structure of everyday life."

Into the Silence honors the life, dignity and grace of the author's dying mother and, concurrently, inspires our soul to freely manifest our love, compassion, and acceptance of others as they are. Into the Silence, building on an exquisite contrast between the insightful and the mundane, distills the wisdom of a family of "enlightened gypsies" to quote the term Judith's son, Sandor, selects to portray her family. With a flowing style, Judith offers a testimony to her quest to achieve higher consciousness in the present moment, and her capacity to just be there in support of her mother finding closure with life. Judith, through her letters to her husband, HB, speaks directly to us about mindfulness, her philosophy of life, and her challenge to surrender to what is. Dr. Francois W. Sauer (CEO Trans Am Group)

I love this book. Through Judith's experience, that she articulated with such candidness, honesty, and humaness, I was able to let go of the layers of residue of guilt and regret regarding the passing of my own mother 6 years ago. I appreciated her honesty in relating the personal challenges that exist within families when confronted with the passing of a parent. This book provided some real healing with humor and "realness".

Judith's book is the journey of a mother and daughter during the last days of her mother's life. It isn't about dying, and then again, it is, but dying as a process of living. Judith writes this book through the letters she sends home to HB, her husband, as she assists her mother in the bedroom and shares with her family as they write and arrive to say their goodbyes. There is anxiousness, and fear, family humor, impatience, the hardwork of caregiving, and the joy and sorrow of being present in exquisite moments as the process unfolds. It's a book about HONORING and LOVING and BEING available moment to moment in her own and her mom's life. If you're looking for inspiration, without the load that traditional religion often puts on the acts of living and dying, then you might enjoy this journey between a mother and her daughter.