In Lieu of Flowers: A Conversation for the Living

I really hadn't had much experience with death, until one of my closest friends died unexpectedly. Not long after that, my mother died, and a couple of years later, my father. It felt as though a train had hit me. I was devistated for quite a while, and found Nancy Cobb's book to be very comforting. She writes with empathy, humor and understanding - like talking with a good friend. It's about life as much as it is about death, and I highly reccommend it.

At last a book that deals with death with humor, compassion and understanding. The conversational style captured my attention and held it much longer than previous and more academic books I had read on the subject. Halfway through the book I copied a quote and sent it to my minister. As I continued reading I realized I would have to send the whole book to him, since I knew that he would appreciate its refreshing and enlightening style and views. He surely would find much of the material useful to him in his work. I will always be grateful I found this book, if for no other reason than because now I know that soul and butterfly are one and the same in the ancient Greek language. How wonderful it is to always have that feeling of hope, wonder and joy whenever I see a butterfly. Thank you, Ms. Cobb, for that.

This book was very well-written, to the point, sensitive without being maudlin, funny, and makes an excellent gift for people who have everything---the subject matter is universal. It is also not a fad book and I think it will endure as a classic.

The final line in Nancy Cobb's "In Lieu of Flower" is "It is a benediction, really, a reassurance that we are able to emerge from sufferring--and be changed" describes the feeling I was left with after reading this book. Cobb writes about dying as a process. Her prose is luxurious, her perspective deeply spitual, beautifully hopeful while clearly realistic. She relates her personal experiences with death and how she grew through the sadness,pain and depression and moved into a place of peace, a long and difficult journey. She encourages us to see death a piece of life, to not fear the process as we watch it or as we live it. Cobb relates stories from friends and aqcuaintances that so touched me as to even raise the hairs on my neck. Sighting a butterfly will never mean the same to me again. It becomes apparent that our cultural biases on death are great. We are asked here to view death as a piece of life that involves the living as well as the dying, to view it as a time to grow and learn rather than to run and hide. When I finished this book, I felt as though my soul had been sipping on a soothing cup of chamomile tea. Then I ordered 3 copies to give as gifts.

A beautifully written, unusual memoir that offers solace, understanding, and honesty about death and dying. The Author's own experience as an only child, losing both her parents to Alzheimer's disease, is described with compassion and grace. A heartfelt and uplifting book that offers undertanding and healing words about loss and recovery.