I'm Not Your Kid: A Christian's Guide to a Healthy Stepfamily

Eye-opening and inspiring, this book is a comforting prayer, a wise instruction manual, and a heart that understands all rolled into one. You'll find the author's gentle words and honest experiences coupled with clear guidance for the mountain of challenges stepparents face. It's a definite keeper for your library. Early on in the book, Adkins tells us "there are no perfect marriages, because there are no perfect people." We fail, we harbor "great expectations" when we try again, and we struggle under the weight of guilt and fear that threatens to destroy us. "God's grace, however, keeps the door open to establish the Christian family." Yes, even the stepfamily, she tells us, because God uses imperfect families every day. With Biblical references, Adkins reminds us that a stepfamily entrusted to God can overcome hardship and grief to build something wonderful, just life families thousands of years before them. "Believers in stepfamilies have the same awesome opportunity to become agents of grace and redemption." What a comfort! The author discusses the complicated lives stepfamily members lead and how "weeds of the past" such as bitterness and guilt can threaten the family. Then she gives us "weed killers" we can start applying today to help ourselves and those around us. She shows us the difference between destructive and constructive thinking and how we can make choices to be dependable and responsible regardless of others' choices. She stresses the importance of family rules and gives us valuable insight into what discipline is and what it isn't. Perhaps my favorite part of the book is Chapter 9: Proactive Stepparenting. With simplicity and compassion, Adkins shows us how to make it through those common steplife challenges with the "spirit of power, love and a sound mind" [2 Timothy 1:7]. One of her "power points" to guide us is self-control, and I appreciate the attention she gives this topic; it's an area I need a little work in myself now and then. She makes a critical point that both guides us and relieves us. "Many times, the people who make the biggest impression on us are not those who tell us how to live, but those who *show* us how to live. Self-control means staying off your soapbox." Adkins goes on to help us see how we can feed the minds and souls of these children entrusted to us, at whatever age, and how to foster belonging in our families by receiving and passing on God's grace. In the final chapter, Hope for the Journey, she comforts us with a reminder that hope comes from persevering through adversity, learning from others' victories, and allowing God to work in our lives. There's even hope for us stepparents. This book meets its goals to help stepparents strengthen their marriage, meet the unique challenges of steplife, and reaffirm to the stepparent that her life is in God's hands and He can work miracles anywhere. What a blessing bound in pages.