I'll Mature When I'm Dead: Dave Barry's Amazing Tales of Adulthood

I gave one copy to a close friend turning 60 and the other to my significant other, turning 66. Predictable hilarity ensued. Dave is one of the most reliably funny writers alive (he's also a former Miami Herald colleague, so I was lucky enough to get the books signed - in amusing fashion, of course). For the record, Dave is as funny in real life as he is on the page - and a seriously nice guy.

One of the first book reviews I ever published was for DAVE BARRY TURNS FIFTY back in the day before Windows Millennium. Early on in that one, the former Pulitzer Prize winner wrote, "Come, fellow boomer. Take my hand and let us travel together on a voyage of exploration into our very favorite topic, which is us." "We" are still our favorite topic, and it's satisfying to report that age has done nothing to mellow his off-beat sense of humor. Except that he probably knocks work off a bit earlier to take advantage of the early bird specials in his native Florida. He might have a few more gray hairs and an extra family or two that weren't there in 1998. But protestations to the contrary not withstanding, Barry has matured, dragging his fans along with him. Is this a kinder, gentler Barry than we're used to, based on former titles such as DAVE BARRY HITS BELOW THE BELTWAY and DAVE BARRY IS NOT TAKING THIS SITTING DOWN, among his twenty-something books? Perhaps. Advanced age has given him a host of new topics to carp about as he helps us cope with whatever comes beyond Generation X technology, as well as a spot-on take on teenage vampire literature, the (r)evoution of male/female relationships, and the amazing ability of 24's Jack Bauer to refrain from visiting a restroom for eight years. On a personal note, we discover his true feelings about attending his young daughter's dance recital and his son's wedding --- "true" being a relative term that changes depending on whether any of his current and/or former spouses are looking over his shoulder as he composes his essays. "If you ask any dad if fatherhood is worth it, he will immediately answer yes. Why? Because his wife might be listening." On an uncharacteristically serious note, he uses his wit to extol the virtues of getting a colonoscopy, a topic that was way off his map until one of his brothers tested positive for colon cancer. He also discusses his vasectomy, but in a much more Barryan manner (I dare anyone to look at a bag of frozen peas the same way again). In fact, such procedures allow him to further opine on the whole health care industry in light of the Obama administration's recent goals, as well as the diminishing newspaper industry, which he had the foresight to leave several years ago. Insider information, I guess. The former Pulitzer Prize winner --- now a feisty 62 --- is the Peter Pan for the boomer generation. He won't grow up any more than is absolutely necessary, which in his case means not at all. Now there's a role model.

Tears. They were rolling down my cheeks at the dentist's waiting room while I read this book, in a futile attempt to keep from laughing out loud. Oh how I love a new Dave Barry book. And this material is truly new! Except for one essay, none of these pieces have been published before, which is rare for a Dave Barry book. And he is at the top of his game here, with 18 stories of what it means to be an adult. Don't let the goofy low-rent cover fool you. Barry digs deep in this essay collection, and there is as much intelligent understanding and wisdom as humor. A couple of the essays are as touching as anything Anna Quindlen has written: The Heart of Dadness and Father of the Groom. These two moving explorations of parenthood brought on the tears again. Barry will even make you call for a colonoscopy appointment. That's real power. A few of my other favorite Dave Barry books: Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need, Dave Barry's Money Secrets: Like: Why Is There a Giant Eyeball on the Dollar?, Dave Barry Slept Here: A Sort of History of the United States, Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys and Dave Barry Is Not Making This Up. Here's the chapter list: 1. The Elephant and the Dandelion (In Defense of Man) 2. If You Will Just Shut Up, I Can Explain (A Man Answers Questions from Women) 3. The Heart of Dadness: A Letter to a First-Time-Father-To-Be 4. Dance Recital 5. Technology 6. Solving the Celebrity Problem 7. Tips for Visiting Miami (No. 1: Are You Insane?) 8. Dog Ownership for Beginners 9. My Hollywood Career: The Big Dumpster 10. 24: The Ultimate Script 11. The Full Coward Package 12. The Health-Care Crisis (Wash Your Hands After Reading This) 13. Colonoscopy 14. A Practical, Workable Plan for Saving the Newspaper Business (I Sure Don't Have One) 15. Judaism for Christians 16. Fangs of Endearment: A Vampire Novel 17. A Festival of Grimness 18. Father of the Groom

Full Disclosure: I am Dave's "sometimes writing partner" of the Starcatchers series. But, because of this, I'm one of Dave's (only) critics! As a longtime Dave Barry fan, I feel like there's a hole in my Sunday newspaper. Like the kids got the scissors and cut out the most important part before I started reading: Dave's column. It's back! I'll Mature When I'm Dead is as if an editor has taken two dozen columns THAT YOU'VE NEVER READ (columns that are TWICE AS LONG as those ever published in newspapers) and put them in one place for you. It's a treasure! There is no need to recommend the pieces. Not if you've ever read Dave. Does he ever disappoint? I don't think so. You laugh, you groan, and you wince as he touches the truths of our everyday lives in ways we wish he wouldn't. There are dog stories, writing stories and even a vampire story parody. It's the best collection of his work, ever. And it's all new. Simply put: NO ONE DOES IT BETTER. You will reread this book many times, and leave it someplace handy in order to do just that. It's that good.

Disclosure: I am a huge Dave Barry fan, and have been since the 80s. I'll admit many of his past books have been essentially reprints of his newspaper articles. This book is different. It is fresh and full of new humor. I've read a good portion of his past work, and didn't recognize any of it as being repeated here. It also feels a bit longer than his past books. Dave's observations of the world around him are always funny. Laugh out loud funny. I wouldn't buy this for reading on the subway or anywhere else where people will look at you funny when you randomly burst out laughing. I'm not sure what else to say about this book. It is as funny as Dave has ever been and it is totally new and fresh material. I loved it.