I Am Alive and You Are Dead: A Journey Into the Mind of Philip K. Dick

I Am Alive and You are Dead by Emmanuel Carrere has been on my books to read list for awhile. I have a weakness for biographies and autobiographies of writers, and if it's a writer who I all but worship as a god, well, all the better. Philip K. Dick is one of those writers who, once I discovered all those years ago with Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, felt compelled to read every book I could get my hands on. There are a few here and there that I have missed, but I have read the vast majority of Dick's works, and perhaps none was more haunting than Valis, particularly the author's introduction to the novel. Not having any use for religion myself, I felt a bit betrayed that a writer I idolized could have written something so strangely spiritual. It seemed like it had to be all a joke. I know exactly how those French fans felt at that science fiction conference,Carrere describes in I Am Alive and You are Dead because I have been there. If anything, though, it was Valis that made me want to read more about the life of Philip K. Dick. Carrere calls the biography he's written "a peculiar book," and says he has attempted to portrary Dick from the "inside." I can't say whether this is the result, but the book chronicles Dick's life with an empathy that seems born of a true fan, who wants to understand this writer and share his story with the world. He tells the story of Dick's decent into madness with honesty, and yet avoids passing judgment. It is a tragic story and a dark story, all the more disturbing because it is a true story and not a work of fiction. I have seen what madness can do to a person firsthand, and I'm always the last person to classify what others call crazy as insanity. Sure it sounds crazy that Jesus could appear in some girl's toilet bowl, but then millions of people go off to church each Sunday, many of them believing in things that look a whole hell of a lot like insanity - a virgin that gives birth to a semi-divine child, a person turning into a pillar of salt, a dead person disappearing from a tomb. When it comes right down to it, The Bible is full of as much weirdness as say, The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch. I appreciated the fact that Carrere never tried to paint a caricatureof Dick, but presented the man as he was, and showed the way he struggled to understand the seeming insanity taking over his life. Carrere also does his best to link the different epochs in Dick's life with the books he was writing at that time. He doesn't cover all his novels, but a fair number. The result is that the reader can see the inspirations behind some of the themes, and in some cases the outright autobiographical nature of the works. I have read no other biographies of Dick's life to date, and so, have nothing to compare this book with, but found it a solid and well-rounded effort. It may not be quite as page-turning as one of Dick's novels, but it is written in a way that is engaging and entertaining.

What a fascinating journey through a bizarre and brilliant mind! I had always wanted to learn more about Philip K. Dick, but had been turned off by other articles and books that had drained the life from Dick's story with overly dry and pedantic prose. In contrast, Carrere offers psychological insight and philosophical speculation that can only be described as "Phildickian." As one who had read all of Dick's better-known works, Carrere seems to have reanimated Dick's spirit in this compelling, partially novelized tale. What the reader sacrifices in footnotes and verifiable fact is more than made up for by the sheer human interest of the story.

As a longtime Philip K. Dick fan who has read almost all of his novels, I was prepared to be disappointed, but this book was eye-opening. It is said that authors write what they know, but somehow that has always seemed an approach unlikely to apply to any writer of "science fiction," let alone PKD. It was a revelation to read this biography, because over and over again, one sees how Dick's life found its way directly into his books, especially his characters. Not just in obvious places such as "Valis" or "Confessions of a Crap Artist," but in virtually every one. The author puts you effectively inside Dick's head in what was a hellacious life, even if much of that hell was Dick's own doing. And at times you find yourself not sure whether Dick himself is a character in a novel written by Carrere, and thus you feel as though you are reading one of Dick's books, with their endemic uncertainty about what is real and what is fiction. On top of all that, it is as well-done a biography of a modern author as I have read, and intriguing enough to make me want to read Carrere's fiction.