How to Win Any Argument: Without Raising Your Voice, Losing Your Cool, or Coming to Blows

A friend recommended "How To Win Any Argument" to me because every day I make written proposals to potential customers for my custom design quilt manufacturing business. In the past, I always wrote proposals by singing the praises of our company, then talking about what it is I am proposing followed by pricing schedules, delivery dates, and terms. I never stopped to consider that my proposal is really an argument as to why we are the best company for the job, whether the job is big or small. Because the reality is I'm making an argument, my proposals now track Bob Mayer's format that writing in a way that is very compelling and readable. I have also used his "persuasion" tips in writing our new flyers and brochures. It's been three months since I started using the book's techniques and I'm convinced that we are getting more business from our mailers and that a much greater percentage of my proposals are being accepted. This is truly a 5 star book for anybody who sells. G.B. Senior Vice-President, Marketing

I am a new lawyer who just read Robert Mayer's book, How To Win Any Argument Without Raising Your Voice, Losing Your Cool, or Coming To Blows. This is a five star, must have book for any young negotiator! Law schools do a great job of teaching the law, but they fail to teach the skills necessary to persuade a variety of people. Mayer's book teaches how to make compelling and convincing arguments to support your position no matter who your audience is in a simple, no-nonsense way. As a lawyer, I deal with hostile and agressive lawyers attmepting to argue with me in an "in-your-face" way. Before this book, such tactics would distress me. But the book's tactics for bringing an attack to a screeching halt really work! Mayer's suggestions for creating a "consent zone" have really helped me communicate with opposing counsel by making them willing to listen to what I have to say. I have a number of friends who are also recent law school graduates and have told them about the chapter on how to write a great argument. They agree with me that How To Win Any Argument should be required law school reading. Like most young associates, I get overwhelmed from time to time with the work load. I start looking for paths that are highly efficient. But what the book taught me is that what is efficient may not alwys be effective. For instance, although email is efficient, it is extremely difficult to win an argument or state a position without a personal connection with the other party. It lacks the personal touch necessary to create trust. It is the relationship that opens the ears of an opponent, not the words themselves. Finally, this book details one of the most important issues for any young lawyer in her first job... how to get a RAISE!! I plan to use his tactics to not only ask for, but receive, a bump in salary! If Mayer's tips on how to get a raise work as well as everything else in his book, I'm sure to get it!

I found this book after I read an article in Men's Health magazine that had tips from Robert Mayer on How To Negotiate With An Angry Woman. The article based on Mayer's strategies talked about how to defuse anger and how critical it is to "build a discussion" because there can't be trust without a dialogue. Mayer's rule is basically to set the tone, the mood, the tempo, and the agenda of the discussion because Nobody is going to listen to logic until emotion has been dealt with. I keep this in mind when I deal with emotional people now and it helps me manage the discussion. The reason the article was in Men's Health is because the stress of arguing when you don't know how is harmful to your physical and mental well-being. Anyway, after reading the article I bought the book for myself and even sent it to some friends as a gift. It's a great read - HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!

It would be nice to recommend this book to everyone, because the world would be a better place if everyone either: A) played by these rules when arguing, or B) used these techniques when people were trying to persuade them. Anybody can learn these methods, which range from recommendations to stay calm to suggestions on shaping your message according to context. All are useful and presented in clear principles and vivid illustrations. However, getting most opponents to accept these rules would be nearly impossible. Robert Mayer is an attorney, but if you suppose (given the stereotype about wily lawyers) that he adds in some manipulative, tactical tricks, the weakness in his book is actually the opposite. Mayer mostly discusses ethical arguments, seeks win-win outcomes and seems to assume that you'll always be arguing with upright people. Because of this, he focuses on crafting your message - and does a superior job - but essentially doesn't touch on how to deal with abusive situations, entrenched irrationality, or simple threats and lying. We recommend this book with a drop of cynical caution: if you are naïve anyway, and must argue, also get some tougher, more wary advice. You may still wonder How to Win Any Argument if you end up opposing someone who is determined to win at any cost.