How to Survive the Loss of a Parent

I was a bit disappointed as I read some of the other reviews. I believe the reviewers missed the point and by doing so, missed out on benefitting from the book. Grief is a process and there are no short cuts. I believe that's the author's main point when she tells her counselees that the group won't necessarily bring them relief. The point of the group, and the book about it, is that you are not alone. There are others out there who understand the kind of pain you're going through, because they're experiencing that kind of pain too. No book is going to take that process away. Every person grieves differently, as this book demonstrates, but we must all experience it in our own way. For some of us that means there WILL be long, sleepless nights of endless tears, days when you can't get motivated (or weeks, or months??) and you lose interest in things that once were important to you, or perhaps you're one who just goes numb and can't seem to snap out of it, etc. There will also be some family relationships that change either temporarily or, in many cases, permanently (see the other book recommended below which has a chapter about just this), and some families where feuds over wills and trusts may break out. Such is human nature. There are no quick fixes (This is why it's so important for us all to be wise and have our estate planning as complete, specific and in order as possible before we die, so our families don't have anything to fight about!). The benefit of a book like this which takes you through a group grief counseling session, is two-fold: 1) You can identify with some of the things that the people in the group have gone through and find comfort in knowing you're "normal" at a time when things, frankly, don't feel like they'll ever be "normal" again, and 2) If you're willing to do so, you can use the same exercises the author takes her counsellees through and do them for yourself. Though doing the exercises won't necessarily take away the pain of grieving, you may very well come to some deeper understanding and acceptance. This book was one on a list recommended to me by the hospice counselor recently when my mom died. It's the second from the list that I've read and I'm pleased to find that it's very different from the other (Also an excellent book which I would strongly recommend for a different approach: "When Parents Die" by Edward Myers). Just as we all grieve differently, we probably have different needs for comfort. I hope some who didn't find the help they were seeking here will give Mr. Myers' book a read.

I just finished reading this book. While it did not pertain too much to me being an only child, it did make me realize that a lot of my thoughts are normal. That alone helps some.

Although not as good as Therese Rando's HOW TO GO ON LIVING WHEN SOMEONE YOU LOVE DIES, this is good in presenting a wide variety of responses to the death of a parent. I think a key here is recognizing that there is not just one "proper" response to the death of a parent, but that a wide variety of responses are possible and appropriate. The format of a therapy group allows the presentation of different responses and different weays of working through grief. I think the reviewer from Hawaii who criticzed this book was looking too much for something to mirror her own experiences, instead of accepting this simply as the presentation of a range of exeperiences none of which may necessarily mirror what one feels oneself. As with the book by Rando, I found this most useful simply because it said to me that I shouldn't necessarily have the same experiences others would have or have had.

This book has helped me with the thoughts and feelings I've had since my parents death to see that those feelings are normal. This is the next best thing to actually going to a support group. I highly recommend this book, in fact, I just bought one for a friend of mine who lost her mother a month after my mother died.

Having lost both my parents in the span of the last three years, this book touched on many important points on the stuff you really go through. It's not the answer but is useful in giving a general roadmap and tools of recovering from what is without a doubt the toughest experience in life.