How To Start A Conversation And Make Friends -Revised and Updated

I am a pastor who has a gift of gab and a number of friends, some of them close. My sister (who is the ultimate friendly person) and I were raised by parents who knew how to converse well, so we picked up these skills in a natural setting. We are both real schmoozers. My wife is also highly relational. So, unlike many self-help book reviewers, I am reviewing from a different perspective: I did not read this book for personal growth reasons (I do read books on other subjects to address my weak spots, however), but to try to help instruct others who struggle here.For many years, I have dealt with folks who wanted to learn to converse and make friends. When one is brought up with those skills, it becomes difficult to enumerate exactly what it is we talkers do. When I read, "How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends," I said to myself, "Yep. This is a lot of what we (and many other people strong in this area) do." Gabor has organized and put into outline form the most basic principles of conversation and friendship initiation. And that is a whole lot more helpful than saying, "I don't know. We just do it!"Gabor also allows for differing personalities and relational styles. Although we may have to leave our comfort zone (in time, change becomes comfortable), we need to be who we are and converse with others based upon who they are.Please understand that this book is limited in its scope. It can help people initiate friendships, but it does not direct one toward relational depth. This book can help folks make a number of casual friends but not necessarily close friends. For deeper communication, I suggest William Backus' book, "Telling Each Other the Truth," a volume that addresses matters like conflict resolution, honesty, etc. Gabor's book is not really intended to guide you into relational depth. It does a great job for its intent: helping you chat better and initiate the early stages of friendship. For some folks, their instincts may kick in at that point. Others will need to study further.The other limitation of this book (and there is no way to avoid it) is that the directives can be overwhelming because of their sheer volume. My advice is to choose a few areas to work on. Once those practices are incorporated and become second nature, then it is time to add a few more. In a sense, the book is arranged in order of importance, with the early chapters being the most crucial to master. I recommend starting at the beginning.In addition to Gabor's insights, I suggest hanging around and imitating those who seem to have it together in these departments. There is nothing quite like seeing conversation in action and then telling oneself to "go and do likewise." It may seem awkward at first, but, in time, it can become second nature. Some folks (who have difficulty choosing the right words) might even consider practicing a conversation in an empty room, almost memorizing a script.On quotable section reads, "Most shy people

I bought this book based on the recommendations I read here and I was not disappointed. The book is easy to read and I finished it within an hour. After reading it I can definitely say that it provided me with some tips on improving my conversation skills. I found the section on how to start conversations very useful. The book also covers how to become more receptive, how to keep a conversation going, how to keep a balance between talking and listening and also gives ideas on how to meet friends.One concept the book does not cover is how to deal with folks who interrupt you. At my workplace, it is common for 2 or 3 people - at a meeting - to continually interrupt me or whoever is talking and provide their input. At times you can have several different communication threads going on because of this. The book also does not cover how the tone of your voice can effect your communication. If you speak to softly or with a monotone voice, others can find you boring. Overall, this book is a great starter book.

It won't cure you overnight, but what it will do is make you more aware of things that you might be doing wrong and it can be used as an outline when practicing conversation. It actually improved my conversation skills because I kept Gabor's main points at the back of my mind.

I began to overcome my shyness thanks to the reading of 2 other books, written by Barbara Powell and Phillip Zimbardo. These 2 books helped me to improve a lot my thoughts and attitudes, the starting point. They also gave me some very good orientations on social behavior, but not many. This book of Don Gabor fullfilled this lacuna. The author presents very good and fundamental advices, objectively, clearly and with good reasons for all of them. I am very satisfied in my practice of them.