How to Love

This small volume's simple, audacious title encapsulates its basic line of advice: how to find and grow a loving relationship. If such instruction has been dispensed by innumerable self-appointed experts before, this book is rather like getting it straight from Leo Tolstoy. He's the one who famously observed that happy families are all alike, every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. Perhaps Dr. Livingston would not generalize so with respect to lovers, but he explains all the ways someone can be the wrong person for you and why. Equally important, he boils things down to a simple list of what's needed to get things right with Mr. or Ms. Right. Both matters are addressed for the long term, meaning decades of marriage. If we could all read this early enough in life and, more rarely, see some aspect of ourselves in the partners we should try to avoid, the world would be a happier place.

I have purchased this book for all my friends, especially those who have young adult children. If these young adults read this book, and really take the time to get it, they will save themselves trouble later. This book is a must for everyone who is looking for that meaningful and lasting relationship. In this book you will recognize most everyone you know (their personality traits); the people to steer clear of (they may seem great at the time, but you will be in for heartache if you hook up with them). It answers lots of questions about yourself, people you know and past relationships (and family too). I highly recommend this book. I especially like the way Dr. Livingston writes.

How to Love "How To Love" could just as easily have been titled: "Finding The Right Person To Share Your Life With and Avoiding Those Who Can Cause You A Lot of Unhappiness and Pain." Dr. Livingston,a medical doctor and practicing psychiatrist,uses his many years of experience and counseling to teach us how to dramatically increase our odds of finding the right life partner by identifying dangerous behaviors we should be on the lookout for,then pointing out the many essential virtues we should seek. His short essays on various topics clearly indicate a professional who has had the benefit of hearing many sad stories and sharing that experience to help keep the reader from becoming yet another statistic. Some of the book's headings include: *The most dangerous food to eat is wedding cake (not that being married is a problem, but sharing a relationship with the wrong person is) *The trouble with parents is that by the time they are experienced they are unemployed *If it weren't for marriage,men and women would have to fight with total strangers It's hard not to like a guy like this. Two sections really stuck out for me. One was: "No hell is private". It deals realistically with the problems people face when having to deal with drug abuse and how we can become conflicted by wanting to help,yet not losing ourselves in the process. Another was Dr. Livingston's section on the virtue of kindness. I wrote a book about kindness being a principal road to happiness("Your Unfinished Life").His section on kindness is the best I've read - and I've read many. How would you like to be in love like this: " In the presence of one disposed to kindness you will notice an absence of guile,an ability to listen,and a disinclination to compete. If you can reciprocate,you will experience a growing feeling of safety and trust. You may find yourself disclosing things about yourself that you previously have been at pains to conceal: fears and vulnerabilities. The need for protection drops away, as does the requirement to be something other than you are. You experience, paradoxically, a growing satisfaction with yourself combined with a desire to be a better person. You feel that a great burden has been lifted from you. You are,at last, good enough. In fact,the image of yourself that you see reflected in your loved one's eyes may be nearly perfect. You would like this moment to last forever. Imagine that." Dr. Livingston's book is at once a potential lifesaver and a life maximizer, all thoughtfully and eloquently expressed. It would be hard for any reader not to find the Doctor's words speaking directly to many of her or his own life situations, accompanied by wise and experience-based counsel about the best directions to move our lives in next.

As a writer, Dr. Gordon Livingston has that rare gift of taking a complex subject and explaining it to the reader in a way that is easy to understand. Gordon makes you examine the topic from what is good for you and what you need to avoid when entering a relationship based on love. His gentle but confronting style forces you to pause and think about your good, bad and ugly relationships. Love is not easy to find or accept but Dr. Livingston gives you an opportunity to explore for yourself how you could have a healthy loving relation. This book should be read by men and women who desire to love and be loved."How to Love" is a treasure that you need to read and share with your friends and loved ones.