How people change (Perennial library)

This thin book is so refreshing. It is anything but predictable to the self-help junkie. This is not self-help. This a realistic look at the discipline that it takes to change oneself. It takes an unexpected turn, bringing the reader closer to the author's own struggles. A great compassion came over me after reading this book.

Wheelis might argue that my writing this review is a conundrum: mandatory necessity versus arbitrary necessity. I cannot or will not answer that question. Suffice it to say that you the reader ought to make the time to read this slim book.His writing is embarrassingly succinct and refreshingly frank. Thus, the book invites several readings; I have read it several times. Keep in mind that the subject of this book is self-directed change. "So long as one lives, change is possible; but the longer such behavior is continued the more force and authority it acquires." How then do we change? "Insight is instrumental to change, often an essential part of the process, but does not directly achieve it."The author, to his credit, includes himself as a portrait of one who struggles with change. Read the chapter entitled "Grass." A friend, reading it, refused to borrow the book. She condemned the story as an example of child abuse. Superficially, it certainly seems so. One cannot avoid, however, the poignancy of the father's heartfelt remarks, "I wish you could understand, though, that I wouldn't be trying to teach you so fast if I knew I would live long enough to teach you more slowly." The father lay sick with tuberculosis, dying but months later.Wheelis puts the story in context that will resonate with all who read it: "Thus I was made a psychological slave." But, "A slave is one who accepts the identity ascribed to him by a master." So, can one change? How? I cannot answer that question. I can give you one last quote from Wheelis, "The new mode will be experienced as difficult, unpleasant, forced, unnatural, anxiety-provoking. It may be undertaken lightly but can be sustained only by considerable effort of will. Change will occur only if such action is maintained over a long period of time."Or, was B.F. Skinner more correct? "A person does not act upon the world, the world acts upon him."

This book was written in the early '70s and, as such, touches tangentially on issues of the day such as homosexuality. With hindsight, we can easily condemn Wheelis' statements on that topic; but I firmly believe that the author himself would think differently today. Criticism of this book on that basis is specious at best and dishonest at worst. Wheelis draws on his own insight to discuss in a wonderfully accessible way what can happen when we make profound change. It is a very small book -- Wheelis does not mince words. He gets to the heart of the matter and stays with it. Most of us shrink from change, we are afraid of the dark. Wheelis shines a light of hope that inspires courage without minimizing the difficulties of change. To a great extent, he demystifies it while keeping its wonder.

I am so glad that I make a habit of paying attention to references from other authors. As I'm reading The Road Less Traveled, I noticed in M. Scott Peck's book, that he quoted Wheelis's book. I don't know if I would have ever heard of this of little gem of a book, so full of powerful words, if I hadn't noticed the title looking at me at the bottom of page 43 in TRLT. As someone who was treated as target practice physically as a child by my mother, but damaged even more so psychologically, it was so soothing to be able to relate to Wheelis's account of his father's treatment of him and how the author's acceptance of his father's opinion as fact, maintained a stronghold on the choices he made through adult life. He so articulately, using some great analogies to really drive in the concepts, demonstrated that it's only your *acceptance* of the verdict brought upon by adults in your childhood life that make your life tough now. Once you can trace your current behaviour to experiences as a youth, you see the freedom you really have in your reactions to life in the present. I'll stop now, because It's obvious I'm not a writer - just very passionate about letting people know how effective this book can really be. Look at it like this guy Wheelis met you in person, took you to lunch, and he let you in on what he found out as a psychoanalyst, about how the guilt brought upon him in childhood, and the value judgements that he accepted as true, truly messed with the actual physiological reactions (steel fingers around the heart when he's put on the spot socially) to social situations he still experiences in his 60's. But this book is way better than that lunch with him in person. There's a lot more material than just an hour of conversation, and it's always there, and you can understand so much by re-reading and re-reading, and that's what I've done, with more understanding each time I re-read it.

This compulsively readable book explores the nature of suffering, freedom, insight,will, action, and change. What elsewhere is elaborated upon in volumes is here explored in less than 120 pages. How you ask? He writes incisivley and "cuts to the quick!" Among the many "things" Wheelis takes on is the question of who and what we are. He, like the behaviorists or existentialists, concludes we are what we do. If actions define a man those which are repetitious become self sustaining and with time's passage, highly resistant to change. Acts or events which in the past shape us, become not just something we know but rather "a rule of mental operation" or what we are. So how do people change? Change may occur within the context of varying circumstances. People may change from within spontaneously and unthinkingly as the result of physiological changes as is the case in adolesence or old age. Likewise, they may change by force of external circumstances as in the case of survivors of POW camps. Finally people may change from within, consciously, deliberately and by design. But deliberative change is a tale of immense difficulty. Why, because no one can do the deed but oneself. At its very best therapy may be "catalytic"and insight illuminating but neither can get the"job" done. According to Wheelis both may mean little or nothing at all. If the "job" of change is to be accomplished it can only be brought about through intention, will, determination and action. To change oneself is a daunting task for which there are no guarantees. In a metaphoric sense, when we attempt to change we become not only the sculptor but the marble to be worked upon as well