How Do We Tell the Children?: A Step-By-Step Guide for Helping Children Two to Teen Cope When Someone Dies

With a terminally ill grandparent, we wanted to prepare our 6-year-old son for his first loss of a loved one. This book is very helpful. It includes anecdotes & conversations as experienced by a funeral director. You learn what can work & what doesn't work. Another reviewer commented that it doesn't address religious aspect of death, and that is true. However, it emphasizes laying the groundwork on the physical & literal nature of death: a body that stops working. Since young children are so literal, they need to know what happens to the body when it dies. The book is very clear on explaining things that concern children, such as the body being in a box, where it won't get dirt on it when it's buried. Things that might seem obvious to an adult are not to a child. The author also stresses giving children choices on their involvement and preparing them very well if they choose to attend the funeral home, etc. A lot of what is covered is to ensure the respect and inclusion of children in the family support system and grieving process. Now that I've read this book, I am much more comfortable having these conversations with my son. I don't want to lie to him. I want to continue with explanations that make sense to him, and that include him in our family's grief. Once he understands what death is, literally, I am comfortable explaining Heaven and the spiritual aspect that goes along with death, for our family. I don't want him to think that the funeral home is Heaven (as was the case with a family the author worked with). I definitely recommend this book.

ISBN 155704015x - Obviously, this is something you never want to HAVE to tell a child, but it is a fact of life: people die and someone has to tell the children something. For the masses, as opposed to the Masses, How Do We Tell the Children is not slanted toward any particular set of religious beliefs, which is a very big plus. Although the authors recognize the role religion may play in a family, the book is simply about the dispensing of realistic information in a way that will cause the least possible stress or fear. Further, it doesn't go into hard-to-read psycho-babble. Straight-forward, with little nonsense, this book is a really well-written tool for parents and adults who deal with children. Probably the only negative is that when you need this advice, you're not going to have time to sit down and read 114 pages - but you don't have to. The authors have done an excellent job of breaking the book into particular types of situations (the death of a close relative, a classmate, by suicide, etc) and repeating information where it is relevant. There is also a quick reference section in the back for crisis situations. Talking about death can be difficult, talking to a child about death can be harder than that - this book does a superb job of explaining how to approach it, and why you really HAVE to have those conversations. Not every parent will need guidance on this, but if you feel like you do, this is an excellent resource. - AnnaLovesBooks

This book is excellent for Pastors, counselors, and family members couping with death. Children need to be prepared when a grandparent, friend, neighbor, classmate, pet, and even the national news. Good source of information.

This is a clearly written book by a funeral director and psychologist. It provides helpful suggestions to parents and caregivers on how to inform children of death in many different situations. It respects the child's need to know what has happened in a way that is appropriate for his or her age. It discusses listening to children's thoughts and feelings and addressing common misperceptions. There is an excellent quick reference crisis section at the end of the book that clearly outlines various kinds of deaths, suggestions as to how to explain them to children in different age groups, and how to prepare them for what comes next. This is an excellent book to guide parents whose own grief may be interfering with their thinking about how to help their children. As a grief counselor at the Barr-Harris Children's Grief Center, I highly recommend it.