How Close We Come

A novel, surely almost completely autobiographical, about women's friendships, but so much more than that - about women bonding. A haunting book, slow to start, but once it catches the flame, it rises steadily to truth, memory, the way we are, and feel. No man could ever - ever - grasp the meaning of this book. Short, really more of a novella, and bittersweet. I do not empathize with Ruth. She did wrong. I cannot understand her. But how I understand Phil and her need of and love for Ruth, and her sheer desolation when Ruth left. No man can understand a woman the way another woman can. And this book very surely grasps this and shows it to us. Some beautiful moments here, so many recognizable ones. Life is about choice, but also truth, and love.

I read this first novel by Susan S. Kelly in about 3 hours. The author lives in Greensboro, NC, where this book takes place. In a nutshell, this is a novel about women's friendships....plain writing that evoked many feelings and memories of the time when my children were younger and friendships with other women were of the utmost importance. Not that such friendships are not important now, but when my children were pre-school, friends were life savers. The mothers' network (my term) kept our bodies and souls together, and our sanity somewhat intact.Some memories this book stirred:* finding a stray Christmas present in March because I had hidden it so well!* the pre-dawn line in the church parking lot for pre-school registration - first come, first served* playing "Beauty Shop" with my daughter - she "fixed me up"-- hair, makeup, nails, etc.! What a hoot that was!* meeting new neighbors and taking them on "orientation" trips around the community* the desperate search for daytime babysitters so one could go to the dentistHere is something from the book that really made an impact:"Details.Psychiatrists and theorists and essayists, and yes, feminists, dissect and analyze and assign universal themes and theories to explain what binds women: the desire to nurture, the experience of childbirth, the constant striving to succeed in a male-dominated world. And surely these are our common causes.But what truly, more accurately, binds women is the incremental collective trivia of hilarities and heartbreaks, humiliation and hum-drum amassed over telephones and fences, over laundry baskets and garden beds, on back stoops and park benches, in driveways and dry cleaners, in checkout lanes and carpool lines. It's the parallel details of their existence which bind and entwine women with one another: the minutae of children and husbands and homes. Bound by the perpetual presence of smudges on windows from children's hands and lips; by fending off dinnertime solicitations; by dust balls the size of mice beneath beds; by sick days and snow days; by the availability of babysitters; by short-lived forays into extra-curricular activities and self-improvement; by periods of sheer maintenance with no forward progression, waiting only for time to pass."Pril and Ruth have been next-door neighbors and best friends for ten years, as have their children. The women are closer than sisters. One day, Ruth leaves to vacation in Colorado with her children, and never returns. She does not call or write to explain why she has left. This book explores the basis of the friendship and some difficult choices Pril must make when Ruth's husband sues for custody of their children.This is a powerful book that will stay with me for a long while.

This book was required reading for a class I took entitled "Politics of Gender". I was also fortunate to have a friend of the author as a classmate, who arranged for Susan to come to class one evening as a guest speaker. This book has meant so much to me, as I have read it twice (and am now reading it for the third time) and have bought several copies to pass onto friends (I am hanging onto my autographed copy like gold!). I first read it at time when I was in mourning over the loss of a close friendship and felt uncomfortable about all the pain I was going through. This book validated that what I felt was normal for a heterosexual female. Two years later, the pain has led me to a better place. Susan told me that pain is necessary for growth and she is 100% accurate. Today I have moved beyond the pain, but still lack a lot of contact with other women. I have a number of long time friends, but our lives have all gone in very different directions, and as a result of that we do not see one another very often. For now I rely on re-reading Susan's book and watching videos of Mary and Rhoda. THANK YOU, Susan, your book has saved my life emotionally!

This book really struck a nerve with me - it has justified my very special relationship I have with my best friend. Sometimes the guys just don't get it, and even I have found it hard to understand how this relationship has developed. For me, this story has answered questions I have had within myself about why women are so important to each other. Read it and weep - I cried through much of the story as I found myself living this story.

This book touched like no other book has touched me before. The plot is perfect, for it could happen in real life to anyone. Not only is Susan my aunt, but a good role model and author. We should credit her with writing a great book.