Home-Alone America: The Hidden Toll of Day Care, Behavioral Drugs, and Other Parent Substitutes

Contrary to popular belief, not even a "village" can substitute for a mother. Unlike many "committed" treatments of this subject, this author adopts a scientific approach, citing studies and reasoning in a clear and cogent way. The problem: (p. 20) In 1975, 33 percent of children under six had employed mothers. In 1993, 55 percent of children under six had employed mothers. In 2000, 70 percent of children under six had employed mothers. The ideological battles are exactly what you would expect. Militant feminists regard these numbers as good news: more women are employed. Family people regard these numbers as bad news: children are growing up without their mothers (or fathers or grandmothers, as it turns out). But there is more bad news: enraged children, fat children, drug-addicted children (not yesterday's drugs like marijuana but prescribed drugs, legal drugs), rage-driven pop-music-addicted children. With a younger generation like this on the way, who needs terrorists, Reconquistadores and the like? We've got them anyway, of course, and nothing is being done about them. To see how the problem of alienated children fits into these other problems, read While America Sleeps: How Islam, Immigration and Indoctrination Are Destroying America From Within. America is one "village" that is bent on self-destruction.

Parents need to pay attention to the consequences of allowing caregivers other than parents to play a major role in raising our children. Our kids are in trouble- from obesity to suicide to emotional and behavioral problems requiring medication. No one can deny this. I would challenge parents to look at themselves and their values as they watch the decline of childhood around us. This is not an easy task- we all want to be comfortable and challenging the notions of our selfish or materialistic motives is not easy. I should know. Not only was I a psychiatrist who worked with troubled families, but I have had to make tough decisions about my own professional career, money and family. It is easy for this book to be dismissed as a conservative diatribe against modern feminism but it is so much more. It is a plea for our children and our future and it deserves to be read. There are so many options available to families now. I work from home and encourage other moms to do the same. We can save our children, one family at a time.

There is a lot of noise in our society about our troubled young. And that is well because it is true. There are also an almost infinite number of suggestions on how to "manage" these problems: counseling, more counseling, medication, raising daycare standards, yet more counseling and more medication, and on and on it goes. This powerful book asks a somewhat different question. What if the problem isn't the kids? What if their reactions are reasonable responses to a toxic environment of outsourced childrearing (to daycare and medication), of absent fathers, of transient relationships in their relationship role models, and in consistently bad advice given them on sex, careers, and marriage? She points out the current themes in popular music are abandonment, hurt from missing parents, rage against parental neglect, and the need for oblivion to escape the pain of loneliness. It isn't rebelling against mom and pop anymore. It is more like where are mom and dad and why don't they care about me. This is sad and painful on all fronts. Mary Eberstadt is clear and honest in her facts and analysis. She admits there is neither simple panacea nor even a complex solution. She advocates beginning with a new consensus that it would be better for both children and adults if more American parents were with their kids more of the time. I know that sounds simplistic, but it is not simple. Given the financial burdens most families have taken on, it is very hard to make something like this happen. However, if we decide we believe we need our kids and they need us and that time together is important, we can make adjustments in our lives to make that happen. I hope this book is widely read and widely discussed in thoughtful ways rather than just the normal political yelling at the other side. The topic affects us all. We all have an important stake in this and we all shoulder some of the blame. So, let's get at it.

If you think our schools are bad today - read this book. If you think throwing more money at our schools will help, read this book. If you think everyone else is at fault except the parents with regards to today's children, read this book. This is by far the most profound book of the century. Mary Eberstadt is a genious! The problem with our schools, our children, our society is THE PARENTS! I take responsibility for my kids, for their actions, for their grades, for their troubles because I am at home raising them to be good sound citizens and human beings. I do not blame the schools, the government and mother earth...it is me! I wish every teacher, every mom and dad, every person even thinking of becoming a mom or dad would read this book. It's the best book I've read in my entire 30 years of studying and taking care of children. Mary Eberstadt is telling the truth - it is about parents taking responsibility. I would give this book the highest mark available. I would recommend this book to everyone that has any dealings with, or contact with, children... Basically this book is about how no one is watching the children, referencing them as ferel kids. Children of today are raising themselves then we expect the schools to do all the disciplinary duties when in actuality it should have been done already at home. Teachers of today can't possibly teach a room full of children that are totally unable to sit still in their chairs, that lack respect, and that are either too tired or too hung-over to learn and pay attention. Looking at children from the 50's and today's children, there is a very strong and common thread of unsupervised kids...everyone wants to go to work, pursue their careers while leaving the children for some stranger to raise, or worse yet, locked up in their own homes alone after school. Do people today even know why babies cry when mommy leaves the room - why? It's a built in safety-valve that tells mom to stay close, to be there, to love and nurture. It wasn't there just to push mom's buttons! It's there to tell mom and dad that they NEED them! Nothing more, nothing less. Ms. Eberstadt's other most astounding fact is the importance of the music of today. Everyone blames the music - read her chapter on this matter and you'll see that the kids themselves have written the music because this is what they live, this is what they see, this is how they FEEL and this is how they are poorly parented, if at all! Songs of yesterday were about beaches, hot cars, relationships, love, the Beatles and the Beachboys...today's songs are about being alone, witnessing abuse, neglect, drugs, and about dad's leaving and especially about divorce. Wow! It's not what the music's doing to the kids - it's what we parents are doing to our children! They are sending a very profound message to us all. We just don't get it! I hope that Mary Eberstadt will write more on this very basic and forgotten art...being a plugged-in mom and dad.