Holiness for Housewives: And Other Working Women

I would recommend this book to every woman, but especially housewives. I think we all have times when we want "out" or when we are avoiding the spiritual life. This book helped me to realize that those feelings are not only normal but an integral part of the path to which we are called as women and mothers, and that through those feelings we can and must find our way to God. I hope you consider reading this book! It's helped me immensely.

I can't count the number of times I've referred back to this little book, especially its discussions on finding holiness in the state of life God has given you (no pining to be a nun, or ballerina, or CEO, or SAHM, if you're not called to be one), offering up your daily frustrations as an act of love & growth in holiness, and the great GK Chesterton quote & discussion: "How can it be broad to be one thing to everyone, yet narrow to be everything to one person?" So many words of wisdom for women of all vocations.

I've always hated those guilt-tripping "holiness" books that are geared toward some imaginary type of person that the author thinks should exist but I've never encountered. You know, the kind of mom that has endless quiet hours for Scripture reading and daily prayer. If you don't read your Bible for 30 minutes a day and have daily formal devotions, you aren't living up to your calling. Even if your calling includes waking every three hours at night and changing endless diapers and making endless meals and cleaning endless messes. (Don't you know you're supposed to get up at 4:00 am to do it, if the kids are too noisy during the day?!) With a wave of the hand and a "pfft!" I have always dismissed these books or sermons as completely impractical and a burden on the faithful. "God knows what my calling is and I will not feel guilty for not having devotions every single day!" Well, this book isn't anything like that. Dom Zeller writes as though he has lived in my brain at some point. Every excuse, every rationalization, every resolve, he somehow knows. And yet he writes with such understanding and love, with encouragement and practical advice, that rather than instill guilt, it inspires me to cultivate my interior life. What he does is he explains the inherent dignity that is motherhood and housewifery, and shows practical ways that I can actually USE the "drudgery" and constant interruptions as occasions for submitting my will to God's. He goes against these false notions of theoretical "holiness" that require one to resemble a hermit, and teaches how to "pray without ceasing" in a way that is actually doable. Best of all he does not impose any one method on all, but gives principles to easily apply to my particular situation. Whereas other authors merely make you feel like giving up before you even start, this book makes you think "Hey, I can do that. I'll start now!"

I admit that this book wasn't what I was expecting when I first came across it. But it has turned out to be the richest and wisest book on the vocation of wife and mother that I have read. A mere 63 pages of text, it is not written in a light, chatty style with "dust jacket sound bites" but rather as an experienced spiritual director speaks to a soul, with directness, depth, and understanding. And it's not to be read in one sitting, but each section taken a little at a time to meditate upon and internalize. It is divided into three sections: 1) Your special vocation as a housewife 2) How to pray amidst your daily duties 3) How to grow holier day by day and each are further divided into subsections such as "Don't be misled by a false notion of holiness," "Learn the two ways to pray and work," and "Beware of the temptation to run away." Though there are no personal stories such as one might find in a woman's or parenting magazine to chuckle over and say "Oh, yeah I've been in that situation," each topic goes to the deepest parts of what marriage is - a vocation, one's personal way to holiness - and how to let this vocation be one's means of sanctification in a practical way (such as how to respond to the constant interruptions and ruined plans). It helps to give a picture of what holiness truly is instead of some false image of praying in a quiet chapel all day, and practically how to advance in this particular path of sanctification. I think a some misunderstandings in a previous review do need a response briefly. First, when speaking of religion as consolation, he is warning not to let that be the sole substance of what religion is to a soul. He warns that it not fall into the trap of being either an contrived emotional experience to just along in life, or the other side which is just a dry, routine practice without spiritual depth. Second, a more careful reading would show that after saying one must obey a superior, only two sentences later he states that, "No superior, no husband, can command you to do what is wrong." He certainly isn't advocating blind obedience to go along with something immoral (clear if one reads the text), but rather how obedience, even when it seems unreasonable (NOT immoral) to us, to God, His Church, and even our husbands on occasion (!), can be acts of love and even liberty. I wish every parish had a spiritual director with as much wisdom as van Zeller.

Wow! Holiness for Housewives offers genuine, understandable, and practical guidance for mothers! This is a helpful--and hopeful-- book for women who wish to grow their spirituality within the context of their daily routine. Van Zeller truly edifies the day-to-day tasks of stay-at-home moms and offers very specific ways that these tasks can lead one to a deeper relationship with God. Rather than trying to deepen one's spirituality IN SPITE OF the daily chores and child-care duties, he discuses how one might offer the busyness of the day as a prayer in and of itself. He calls this "practicing the presence of God." This process places incredibe value on both one's personal realtionship with God and on mothering. I've often thought of these two endeavors as somewhat mutually exclusive--or at least as competitors. But Van Zeller provides a method in which they can fit together in a way which enriches them both.