Helping Those Who Hurt: A Handbook for Caring and Crisis

When I learned that a co-worker's son had taken his life I turned to Helping Those Who Hurt. Because no announcement was made at my workplace, how do you announce something like that, few of our staff knew, but I wanted to make contact with my co-worker. How could I address the unimaginable, the unthinkable? On p. 85 of Helping Those Who Hurt,`Helpful Information for Those Who Lose Someone to Suicide', I found a list of the normal reactions my coworker, the survivor, might be experiencing: shock, headaches, loss of appetite, inability to sleep, anger, guilt ("If only ____"), the need to tell her story, fear of crying, a need for permission to get professional help, a need to laugh, the realization that the lives of friends and co-workers may return to normal, but this loss was her new and permanent normal. On p. 106 of the book I read: ". . . grief and mourning take as long as they take. The length of the grieving process is as variable as the number of people who experience it. It often depends on the willingness of those grieving to `work' on the grief and the willingness of family members and friends to give each other permission to grieve and to accept that there is no shortcut to working on the process of grief. We probably don't ever `recover' from grief; instead we learn to manage and cope." Also, on p. 106, a few lines that gave me courage to reach out to her: "Many people feel uncomfortable with other people's pain and don't know what to say to those in grief. The more comfortable you are with grief as a natural process, the better able you will be to accept grieving people right where they are and effectively minister to them." The list, `Helpful Things To Say to People Who Are Grieving', on p.107, was very useful, and freeing. I realized I did not have to be eloquent or creative. From this list I understood that simplicity was the best guide to what to say: "I am very sad about your loss." "I don't know what to say, but I do care about you very much." "How are you doing at this moment?" "I understand if I do not hear from you. Please do not feel you have to respond to me anytime soon." "What may I do to help you get through today?" "I've never been where you are, but I can imagine you are in incredible pain right now." "I have not forgotten you." Helping Those Who Hurt is an easy to use, ready guide for a person who wishes to reach out to someone in crisis with understanding and sensitivity.

I have been training Stephen Ministers to care for people in crisis since 1993, and am so grateful for this easy resource to pass on to them as they complete their training. Barbara Roberts' new book, "Helping Those Who Hurt", is a compact referral guide for most every crisis that these lay caregivers may be called to. I have used it as a graduation gift to give them as they complete their training and they are already telling me how helpful this book has been. Barbara's book should be a "must have" for professionals and nonprofessionals who have a desire to walk alongside people who are in pain. For those of us who find ourselves in the difficult place of supporting friends or family in their time of need, you will want to have this book on hand. Every time I have loaned this book out to a pastor or fellow minister it has not been returned, I think it has somehow become part of their own resource library. Callae Dykstra, Englewood, Colorado

If you have ever worried that you might say the wrong thing so you say nothing to the friend in crisis, you need to get this handbook. It's size (easy enough to fit in a jacket pocket or purse) and easy-to-use format make it a must to have handy. So many of us are called on to "be there" for people in crisis whether in ministry or not. A ready tool when those times come will make it easier to respond with the right heart as well as the right words. The author relies strongly on faith and Scripture to direct the reader which makes those of us, who are not professionally trained, realize that God wants to use us to walk along side those who are hurting. Since I am facing the aging of a parent, I relied heavily on the insights offered in this book. You will find situations addressed, I guarantee, that will find you unprepared. I have purchased several copies and given this book to others. In the words of the old song, "Little is much when God is in it," this little book offers much to its reader.

I have a heart for people and selected this book based on this and my education in Social Work. I wasn't prepared for the depth of this book, it is a heavy read and does take some time to work through. While it is done in an easy style it can be hard to digest everything in one reading. I would suggest if you are reading this to minister to others that you read through it once and then as each crisis arises then flip to the section you need. It would be impossible to remember all the great and relevant information by reading it only one time. There are many sections, such as, illness and hospital visitation, crisis, aging, death (within death it includes suicide, SIDS, miscarriage, infertility, violent death, among others), grief, troubled marriages and divorce, addiction (gaming, pornography, chemical addictions, eating, etc), domestic violence, rape, and most important forgiveness. There is also an additional section on resources so that additional books with more information on what is covered in Helping Those Who Hurt can be obtained. I would say this book would be great for someone who has a total heart for helping those in crisis whether on a full time basis or even just for the friend or family member who wants to help out one another. Anyone within a pastoral setting would also benefit from this, I have seen pastors try to help but sometimes fall short or make a situation worse without realizing it and I think this book can be an effective to learn fast how to deal with crises that happen in people's lives.

"Helping Those Who Hurt: A Handbook for Caring and Crisis" is a purse/backpack/satchel-sized treasure trove of practical, biblical information for reaching out in the name of Christ to those in very difficult situations. Barbara Roberts, the author, has more than two decades of experience in crisis ministry and offers readers concise and wise counsel for ministering in a variety of crisis situations, including: hospital visits, death/dying, aging, relationship problems, addiction, and abuse. Potential readers should not let the books small size mislead you--this book is jam-packed with practical information to help you understand what the troubled individuals are going through as well as godly, Christ-centered advice on how to reach out and provide care. In addition to this immediately helpful information, Ms. Roberts provides over twenty pages of bibliography, organized by topic, to give readers additional resources for study and preparation. With the multitude of books out there on counseling and caregiving, it is hard to overestimate how valuable this listing can be. While not familiar with every book in her list, it appears she has given us a fantastic listing of counseling's "Greatest Hits" from a conservative, Evangelical perspective. As one who has counseled in hospital, local church, and military chaplaincy settings, this is one book I highly recommend for vocational and lay counselors alike. Even those who would not consider themselves "counselors" could benefit greatly from "Helping Those Who Hurt," using it to prepare themselves to be used of God to provide words of comfort, encouragement, and hope to those in crisis.