Heart Centered Marriage: Fulfilling Our Natural Desire for Sacred Partnership

For me, Heart Centered Marriage represents a user's guide for the heart and soul. Whether male or female, single, in a serious relationship, married, or just trying to meet new friends, this book describes a way of life. Sue managed to take the feelings that I have, which are like the view through an unfocused camera, and "snapped" the focus into a clear and meaningful presentation.

Only a year and half ago, I announced to my partner that I simply did not believe in marriage, and I would not ever consider it under any circumstances. Today, we are happily married!When considering marriage, we had discused the pros and cons. It offered the commitment we wanted, but with that came patriarchal gender roles, impossible promises, and, as he put it, "a passionless existence until we died". Well, that certainly did not sound like something we wanted to do. I was a women's studies major in college, how could I possibly fill the role of the silent wife? I could never promise to obey, and neither could he. We wanted to keep our individuality, our spirit, our love, and our passion for one another. Still, we kept feeling the pull of marriage. We wanted to create a safe place for one another and we wanted to create a family.I was at the brink of giving up. I searched my way through book stores and finally found an autographed copy of & qu! ot;Heart Centered Marriage". I knew that this book offered what I needed. My intuition was right!For the nest few days, I read fervently, only stopping to read the especially wonderful bits to my partner, who was very supportive. We discussed the ways that marrige was suddenly available to us. We could take part in the creation of a new paradigm for marriage. We could find true 'sacred partnership', as Sue called it, through which we could be enriched, rather than stripped of our individuality. We could promise to communicate, live gently, be present, and commit to one another, with out losing our passions or our spirits. Shortly after the discovery of Sue's book, we decided that we really did believe in marriage after all-as long as it was 'heart centered'.At some point after our decision to marry, I noticed that Sue's P. O. Box was in Boulder, CO, where I lived at the time. Because I was not willing to let just anybody marry us, I wrote to Sue asking her t! o officiate at our wedding. I never expected to hear back ! from Sue. Imagine my surprise when I found her voice on my answering machine!Sue Patton Thoele proved to be more than just an author. She became our friend, a witness to our private tears, a supportive force, a gentle guide, and she signed our marriage license, 'Spiritual Mentor'. This is a fitting title, but it could never speak to how much she has meant to us. We are forever grateful for her gentle wit and wisdom. She gave us the courage to redefine our marriage and the strength to use our own voices. I am truly amazed at the new things I learn everyday in my own 'heart centered marriage'.

As a clinical psychologist/psychotherapist I encounter many books related to relationships and I have found one that stands above the crowd.-Heart Centered Marriage: Fulfilling Our Natural Desire for Sacred Partnership by Sue Patton Thoele. First of all, this is not a fix-it book but a book of guidance in relating to one's partner in a relationship/spiritual way. Second, the book is written so that a couple might put these ideas into very practical use; so they might experience one another in a more intimate fashion. Third, the author is quite poetic in her language style and she elicits relating at a depth level.Recently, there was some research about the benefits of insight oriented therapy over and above "behavior" modifying therapies. As well, Consumer Reports found a similar finding. People who can relate in a depth fashion with emotional solidity fare better in life than those who carry weak personas. This is the foundation for emotional intelligence as outlined by Goleman. So, for couples to experience their lives differently, more intimately, I would highly recommend this book as it does contain the ingredients for deep friendship, sexual relating, healthy interdependence, and most importantly, treasuring one another as gifts. I recommend thi¹|