Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma

This is a hard hitting and revealing description of what has occured to the survivor. Many snipett descriptions are revolting for the partners to read. For any partner of a survivor this will help you gain a insight in helping understand just how vile perps are and what the survivor lives with on a daily. The perps are creatures of such evil that society should eradicate them there should be no attempt made to rehabilitae or otherwise allow them to remain in society. After reading this I have a whole different perspective and respect of my mate and the inner strength she has. The life with a survivor is definitely the biggest rollercoaster ride I have ever experienced. I now am able to understand on some level why there have been times of disconnect, distance, and even the separation. It doesn't make the pain go away but it does make it more understandable. After getting through this book and the many tears shed along the way there was a certain amount of peace I was able to gain knowing I wasn't the cause of some of my partners feelings or lack there of. I can't say that a more solid relationship has developed but there are schemas which allow for some level of management of the relationship problems that develop. When working with surviors in a committed relationship it is imparative that a counsilor versed in these issues is consulted. Good luck, I only wish all the best to anyone who has to address this issue and only hope that the outcome is more positive that what I have experienced. Rikk

I purchased this book about 6 months after I'd checked out the older version from the Library of the survivors' group that I attend. I found the overall tone of the book to be hopeful, positive and encouraging, but also challenging. The author's premise is that it's not only possible to have a healthy sexual self after surviving sexual abuse, it can be the most dynamic part of a survivor's healing practice. The author also cautions that it won't be easy, and that it takes courage and self-love to take on this work. I particularly liked the chapters on Dissociation and Intimacy.

This is a phenomenal book, as is Staci Haines' other book The Survivor's Guide to Sex. It has an extensive list of resources at the end. The author speaks with a clear, engaging voice. But you have to be ready for it, as the author is very clear and direct about the subject matter. I have been consciously healing the wounds of child sexual abuse for over 17 years - in the beginning with lots of therapy, both group and individual, and in recent years, through journaling, prayer, yoga. Healing comes in layers. Currently I am celibate because I am too darn afraid. Staci Haines's book gives me a roadmap for what to expect when I finally am able to put myself out there. She assumes the reader is familiar with dissociation, numbing, leaving the body, PTSD reactions, etc., etc. She just picks up from there, and talks about having sex that feels good and safe, even though you have these issues.