Hand-Me-Down Dreams: How Families Influence Our Career Paths and How We Can Reclaim Them

I found the concepts of hand-me-down dreams an important one as I looked at issues with my family of origin. However, I suspect that a person might need to work with a counselor to really benefit from the book's ideas--the exercises did not seem enough to me.

Jacobsen, a psychotherapist and career counselor, has written an extensive examination of family dynamics and how one generation affects another in terms of career limits/expectations/success/failure. It's a painful topic, and one which affects us all. Through her questions and exercises, the reader can take a fresh look at the unfulfilled quests of one's parents and grandparents, because these desires are as much your inheritance as the old silver and the family Bible. As a career counselor, I know that clients can become frustrated with probing of family patterns, wondering what that has to do with writing a resume or accepting a new position, but I know that if we don't look for patterns, the client is doomed to continue living out an unsatisfactory legacy. Furthermore, one can find surprising strength and affirmation in the process, so the quest is well worth it. Caution to parents: If you read this little book, you might be overwhelmed at times by ways you have stunted your children's vocational development. Whether you have given specific feedback or all-purpose reinforcement, there's something wrong with it. Before reporting yourself as a career thwarter, turn to the last section called Helping Your Children Follow their Dreams. Jacobsen is to be commended for tackling a difficult and painful subject. This book is useful for those in stuck places as well as those who serve them.

I found this book to be very helpful in working through family dreams in a sense not directly related to career but having to do more with a hand me down dream about a way of life. Growing up in Brooklyn, in a large family always financially challenged, we moved from apartment to apartment under a shared dream that we would someday have the "house in the country." My father, myself and other siblings were also involved in show business for a time, although I did not continue beyond what I needed to do then to be part of this other hand me down family dream: Making it in the big time. Jacobsen's book helped me to clarify this dual aspect of my family's influence (quest for rootedness and finding a voice) on my life course (or "career"), to acknowledge that one was put on hold (voice) while I achieved the other (rootedness), and that I can now reclaim and develop the other on my own terms even if it does not yield a career in the conventional sense. So even if you are not unhappy with your current job or career, read this book for transformational insight on the family dreams animating your life.