Growing Up Gay in a Dysfunctional Family: A Guide for Gay Men Reclaiming Their Lives

No matter what kind of family you grew up in, you will find yourself in this book. All of our families are dysfunctional to some degree, and as gay men, we have to overcome our own homophobia and resulting shame. Rik Isensee writes in a style that is so readable and relevant, every gay/bi man can take something with him.

On my journey of self discovery, I have read several gay self help books over the years. Whilst they have all had their individual merit, none have touched my life so deeply as 'Reclaiming your life'. This is indeed one very special book.The book basically takes you on a self discovery tour of looking inside yourself to not only understand why and how homophobia has effected your life, it also gives wonderful insights on how to deal with your issues and to eventually heal. Split into 2 parts, the first half of the book describes homophobia and growing up in a homophobic culture and it's effect on you. Absorption of others' homophobia can have such a profound effect on our ability to accept ourselves and lead happy, meaningful lives, so to understand where homophobia comes from and the effect it can have is the first part of the journey.The second half of the book describes the healing process and recovery from self hate and abuse. Learning to deal effectively with your emotions and developing stragies for overcoming self destructive behaviour is extensively detailed.A helpful bonus is the end-of-chapter sections 'Relating these ideas to your own experience' - an exercise encouraging detailed thought about your own experiences and analysing them with the knowledge contained in this book. A hugely successful inclusion and more effective than having practical exercises which may be difficult if they don't relate to your particular circumstances.The book is very detailed and quite a read. With high level of readability the author is very detailed in his writing and I often found my thoughts wondering to my own situation rather than reading what was on the page. However I consider this to be a bonus - immediately I was thinking about my own situation and applying the knowledge within the book. So it seems the book was written to encourage our thought processes and it works brilliantly.As a gay man, I gained the knowledge that I am homophobic. Quite a realisation for a gay man - we spend our entire lives having to deal with it, but I am one of them. Now I can deal with it effectively by considering the influences in my life, looking inside myself and dealing with my emotions.To gain the maximum effect from this book, one must be a dedicated reader and willing to open oneself up to dealing with your emotions, but the results are worth it. I feel as though I have reach a major turning point in my life and from this point on I can only become better.

Implied by its title to be for the gay male, this psychoanalytic self-study by author Rik Osemsee is an important contribution to anyone who grew up as a child in a environment where homosexuality was so villified that the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered adult child continues the private torment of self-loathing and rejection. For a scholarly work, "Reclaiming Your Life" is surprisingly non-clinical and easily understandable in guiding the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered person - and their families - to self-acceptance by identifying and explaining the dysfunctional dynamics that account for the shame and isolation that many still in the closet suffer. At the same time, we also come to understand the pain and self-rejection that homophobia breeds, intentionally or not. With that realization, we also come to an understanding that rejection of any person solely on the basis of sexual orientation cannot be justified, nor can it be tolerated. On a societal, "Reclaiming Your Life" describes the hate crimes of physical violence and institutional prejudice that evolve from societal discrimination. In the end, the important contribution of this book is that it validates the humanity of the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered person and challenges those who seek to demean that humanity to re-evaluate their own value systems. For the gay, et al, person who continues to suffer rejection, shame and isolation, it offers an important understanding of the origins of those dysfunctional dynamics, their baselessness and how to work toward self-acceptance. Achieving that, we have permission to let go of the self-loathing and loneliness inflicted by homophobia.

Rik Isensee strikes a long-forgotten chord with his self-help book, "Reclaiming Your Life," which gives strong psychological advice to gay men who have been through just about every situation imaginable. There are scenarios presented that will ring true for some readers, and Isensee offers his unique and insightful advice on each of them, giving the reader options to overcome overbearing feelings and/or situations that would cause others to commit drastic actions. This is an excellent book in the field of self-help, and onc finished, provides an uplifting light at the end of the tunnel.

I am 28 and thought I was pretty much put together with most areas in my life. However, upon reading this, it has projected me into so many different areas to think about. I can not recommend this book enough. It is a joy to read and both my partner and I have read it. It's amazing how many ways we both benefitted from having read it. I can not recommend this highly enough.