Goodbye, I Love You

this book has brought insight and solace and a path where I thought there was none

Pearson's memoir drew me in from the first page, as she relates her initial encounter with her future husband. "Gerald shone. That's the best way I can describe him. He shone." Can't we all relate to that Kismet moment, the first meeting with "the one." When our pheromones come alive and propel us to pursue the OBJECT, the prize, our destiny. The author's Mormon religion has instilled in her, early on, a desire for an "eternal marriage" much like her parents own union, which only ended at her mother's death. Gerald, also a Mormon, and Carol Lynn, joked about Brigham Young's statement that "any young man over the age of twenty-one who is not married is a menace to the community." After Gerald proposes, he decides to share a deep truth with Carol Lynn. Which is that he has had homsexual experiences, but has repented of his sins. He then promises her that she will be enough for him sexually after they are married. She accepts Gerald's promise, as she'd always been taught that when tempted, boy's were weaker than girls. Their ensuing marriage brings challenges beyond the norm, as Gerald loses his battle against his homosexual cravings. Yet Carol Lynn's love for her husband never dies. As an author and a human being, she shines. Her personal integrity, compassion, and capacity for unconditional love, awed me as a reader. I devoured this book in two sittings, fascinated by the true love shared between this husband and wife. She supported Gerald, even when he contracted AIDS, and brought him home to die with she and their children by his side till the end. They both rose to bear witness to their highest selves, in spite of their horrific circumstances. This memoir is full of rare insights into the complexities of a romantic relationship, and to the human condition. It educates, entertains, and inspires. Kudos to Pearson's courage in sharing this extremely personal story. An awesome book by an outstanding writer.

You might not think an account of a couple who divorces due to homosexuality could be a memorable love story, but this one really is. I read this book many years ago, and was so moved by it. Carol Lynn Pearson is a remarkable woman. She writes this book with such transparency of her emotions. The love she had for Gerald Pearson before, during, and after their marriage is so rare. They truly were soulmates, but couldn't be married and both be happy. I started out by reading other books by her, especially about women in traditional church. She is Mormon and I was, at the time, too. I grew up Catholic, and that church and the Mormon church both put limits on what women can do. In in the Catholic church women can't be priests, and in the Mormon church, they can't hold the priesthood. She writes about the bewilderment of that inequity, the same way she wrote about her bewilderment of her husband deciding to live as a gay man, and the struggles he had with that decision. I have felt similar struggles trying to find a place as a woman in traditional Christian churches. When I tried to talk with others about my feelings about feeling less as a woman in the church, I was told I shouldn't feel that way. The way she writes about people who feel disenfranchised by policies and religious tenets made me feel like FINALLY someone gets it. I actually called her on the phone many years ago to tell her to tell her how thankful I was that someone else understood about being a woman in a tradtionally male dominated church, and she was so generous and gracious on the phone to talk with me for a few minutes, so I could tell her thank you. The compassion she has for people who feel like outsiders, and how she treats those people, is what I think of as true Christ-like love. I highly recommmend this book for anyone who ever felt like they don't belong. She went through a very difficult time and showed unfailing love, just like Christ would do.

This is the first book I came across that truly captured what it is like to be gay and married and it was written by the straight spouse. Of course, that was years ago and now I have come out of the closet and have found my voice and know what is in my heart. But back then I was deep in the closet and this book was a godsend. Thank you, Carol Lynn, from the bottom of my heart. It was wonderful to see in words what before I had only felt and not understood. However, I wished I had read your thoughts and feelings about being a straight spouse more carefully. It would have given me so much insight into what was going on with my wife. It took me years to gain that insight on my own. But back then it was all I could do to handle my own pain.

I first encountered "Goodbye, I Love You" when it was originally published. I was a married Mormon, and had trouble understanding how things could have happened the way she told them. Then, I found out my husband was gay, too. I re-read the book, and realized that she had told my story, only more compassionately than I could have. This book tells the other side of the story, the side of those whose lives are turned upside down by married gays who can no longer live a lie. If your life has been touched by this situation, this book will help you see that you are not alone. It is must reading for anyone who has known or been a married gay.

This is not a happy book, but a courageous attempt by the author to express her feelings of frustration, grief, anger, and finally acceptance. I would like to see other reviews of this book by a wife, husband, mother, father, sister, brother, or other relative of a gay person. I certainly felt her anguish as she struggled to understand what was happening. She told her story well.