Going Home Without Going Crazy: How to Get Along with Your Parents & Family (Even When They Push Your Buttons)

If you're thinking of buying this book because you're looking for practical ways you can avoid or manage conflict in your family, from your immediate family to uncles and grandparents, this is the book for you! Let me say it agin: if you're looking for things YOU can do, you won't find better than this. If you're looking for a book that will tell you how much others in your family need to change, go somewhere else... and don't expect any change in your family's conflict patterns anytime soon. (After all, if they're reading books about how awful you are and how you need to change, and you're reading books about how awful they are and how they need to change, it doesn't take a genius to see that no change is going to be coming down the pike.) Author Andra Medea sums up the purpose of the book nicely on page two: "...The primary focus will be on what you can do now to solve conflicts that are happening now. There isn't much you can do to change the past. But you can do quite a bit to change what happens now and when you visit your folks next week. ...To keep the odds in your favor, stick with matters YOU control." (Emphasis is mine) Medea's book goes on to define four levels of conflict, starting with the healthy and ending with the predatory, and offers fantastic, practical tips from the effective use of new body language to how to contol an unwanted adrenaline rush in yourself and others to the more whimsical and delightful, such as this gem: when you're in the car and your kids are driving you crazy with their squabbling or complaining, have them sing their complaints. You and they will quickly find it's impossible to do so without laughing. One of my favorite tips follows this all too true-to-life introduction: "You walk through the door at the annual family gathering. Instead of hearing, 'Hey, great to see you!' you hear, 'Idiot! Don't track that mess in here!'" Medea suggests saying, "I left something back in the car" and walking right back out the door. This gives the offender the chance to realize what s/he just said, and change... though I have to admit my temptation would be to walk out the door and drive away, period. Another of Medea's many examples will probably ring a bell with parents: the grandparents' great idea to take the grandkids to Disneyland---presented to the kids in front of you, without any warning,even though you don't think it's a good idea. How are you going to handle that without looking like a villain to both your kids and your parents? Find out in this book; Medea spends a good amount of time on this scenario, and as usual, her advice is filled with things any human can do once they control the adrenaline surge, using her earlier tips on the subject. The only thing I might differ from Medea on is this: "Your job is not to change [the thief, rageholic, drunk, tyrant]; they're adults and can change themselves. Your job is to protect yourself and those who depend on you." She goes on to say that if a family member