God Help Me! These People Are Driving Me Nuts: Making Peace with Difficult People

Despite the fact that I am generally repulsed by the self-help genre, and in particular when they are filled with acronyms that smack of formulaic platitudes, I must admit that this little book was a welcome surprise. There are formulaic acronym chapters but the author does not insult our intelligence with empty promises that make it so simple. He reminds us that changing others is nothing more than manipulation and a losing battle. The only person we can change is ourselves. Mr. Popcak gives us some helpful ways to do just that. And, while giving us those tools, he reminds us how the Christian can fulfill the command to turn the other cheek without turning into a doormat. Many Christian versions of this genre are full of advice for being "nice" without a word on boundaries. Others are so intent on stressing boundaries they have little challenge to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. There seems little available that does not fall into one extreme of self-centeredness and the other of false holiness. When they do attempt to bridge that gap, they seldom provide the tools to determine the difference or when one approach applies more appropriately than another. Mr. Popcak, while leaving much to our own common sense, provides us with the bridge and practical tools for crossing that bridge ourselves. His comments are, at times, profoundly simple and direct. But they have a proven track record for the serious Christian wanting to find the balance between loving their neighbor and being their neighbor's doormat. My repulsion of such books has been lessoned discovering this little gem of common sense.

You can't go wrong when Popcak is the author. I loved this book and it was a great comfort to me.

Excellent advice. The book offers practical, loving help in dealing with difficult people. It's not overly technical or preachy. I've read a lot of good books about this topic, such as Difficult Conversations, How to Make Peace with Anyone and I am a family law attorney and mediator. I am recommending this book to my clients trying to avoid a divorce.

I would have given the book 5 stars if I hadn't read his other book, "parenting With Grace..." There is some overlap in the material which I think could have been avoided. However, I still think this book is a gem. Most of it is devoted to resolving conflict with people whom you would like to continue a relationship with, but are somehow having trouble with at the moment. The author's strategies for dealing with friction in relationships is squarely rooted in Catholic spirituality. He counsels the reader to assume a positive intent behind even the most negative behavior, a loving and affirming approach in line with the treatment philosophies of other great therapists like Virginia Satir. He is also realistic in pointing out situations when the "difficult" person is someone with whom you should sever the relationship completely. Everyone who wants to resolve interpersonal conflicts in a positive way should read this book. It's also an excellent thesis on how to love one's neighbors (and enemies. They may well turn out NOT to be enemies after all, when you take the trouble to find out the positive intent behind the negative behavior and realize that their nastiness really has nothing to do with you personally). Good work, Mr. Popcak. Keep those gems of wisdom coming!