Getting to 'i Do'

I'm what you call a serial monogamist. I have always had boyfriends. Some for a year, two years, etc. I have a great social life, I am successful and very attractive. I have never had a problem meeting, dating or having long and honest relationships with men. But, something happened in my late 20's. There I was, 27, single (for a minute), living in New York, working in the fashion industry and my clock went off-I wanted to find a partner for life, I wanted to find my husband. Now, this was very different than having a boyfriend, this was the big leagues. I didn't have any clue how I needed to go about this. "Getting to I Do" catalogued various relationship scenarios, where the authors pointed out what worked and what didn't. I have to be honest, being a self-supportive "modern woman", I at first thought that the simplistic illustrations of male/female dynamics were really old-fashioned and that I might as well just talk it out with my grandmother. But, the book went way beyond just designating roles. For me it helped me to embrace the woman I was and to understand the relationship dynamic I wanted to have. The book is terrific. I read it and applied it to my next relationship-someone I fell in love with and wanted to marry. I went through the "phases" as stated in the book and when it got down to the "negotiation" phase, my boyfriend wanted to move to France, with me. Great! But, not without an engagement. Turns out he was not ready to be married. It was a very painful to think about being without him. To have my dreams of being married to him dissolve. Fortunaltely, I had learned that I would be putting myself through so much more pain and anguish if I had up-rooted my life without any commitment other than being a great boyfriend. So, I let him go. Thanks to "Getting to I Do", painful decisions became easy to navigate because I knew I wanted to find the person who wanted to commit to me, who would not stand to see me go without the emotional commitment I needed. Two years, and couple of boyfriends later, at age 34, I have found the man of my dreams and we are getting married in Septmeber. "Getting to I Do" has tought me to never compromise my feelings and that you don't have to argue in order to communicate. I am really thankful and grateful that I recieved this book, it has been a blessing!!!

Watch out, this is a very deeply provocative book. I wouldn't call it spiritual, but would say that it honors an enduring psychological energy exchange that is very real yet confounds most of us as we bumble along wondering why the things we are doing in our relationships aren't working. This is a very intelligent yet practical treatment of how this energy needs to be exchanged in relationships. I have being reading this book over and over for the last year to get it's principles into my mind. But the payoff has been tremendous. Its provocative content forced me to take a doubletake. I just couldn't believe what she was saying, yet something about it spoke to the part of me that always worked hard to be independent and do the right thing by being an equal in a relationship.The book encouraged me to cherish the feminine side of myself. Those of you out there with low self-esteem know how difficult this is to maintain. Read the hostile reviews and you'll see that some find it impossible to cherish themselves. Applying these principles, although they may seem simple, is not easy. The negotiation strategies, for instance, take practice -there has been an ongoing learning curve in my case. The author shows what to do in painful situations where some of us get reactive and defensive. (See her "5-step clean up" strategy.) The neatest thing is that the responses to this approach are loving and cherishing. The cherishing is what I have always wanted and now know how to get. It's what makes the relationship a romantic love affair instead of a business deal type partnership. And it brings out the best in my boyfriend, a maturity, that he never knew he had. Of course there are times when we switch roles and he shares his feelings and I share my thoughts. In my opinion, any person who says the author does not advocate this role reversal at times just did not sincerely look for the balanced approach that is here in this book, and that's not a fair treatment of her philosophy. If you want to grow up in a relationship, this book will help point the way. In writing this, I am "casting my bread upon the waters," in hopes that it will give someone else a chance read it and to experience what the book has given me.

the title of this book does it a disservice. It categorizes it with all the other silly dating and relationship books which focus on an expectation of GETTING a man. The truth is, that human relationships are hard, and confusing, there are lots of reasons for this. The core reason is that for so many valid reasons, we are scared of being receptive, or taking the lead graciously. Patricia Allen has given the gift of clarity and wisdom to the entire question of what are naturally the needs and inclinations of the masculine and the feminine energies within a relationship. Not a male or female bashing, or manipulation strategy, this book guided me back to the feminine in me that was so brutalized as a child, by showing me how to come from the receptive and this has liberated the masculine in my wonderful husband. I always thougth I had to go out and ask a man to do, be and give. But I have learned that a respected man loves to be, do and give to his feminine woman. I work less, feel cherished and feel less neediness. Today was a great day as I applied a lot of what she explains... I hope you all have the relationship of your dreams. I believe with her help we have a terrific chance of growing old together. Her other book, "staying married and loving it" is even more fun, as she goes into more detail about switching back and forth, allowing real liberty/liberation without destroying the other person. I learned the tender side of the masculine and feel so much more loved by myself and others, this book brought a message of real healing to me. And for those of you who have read "The Rules " and were disheartened by the warning that a marriage that did not start with the rules will never be a rules marriage. This is bunk. Being treated like a special person by your husband or your wife even if your beginning was based on an imbalance of the masculine and feminine energies (i.e. not a rules courtship) is possible. Patricia Allen shows the way. Why the Rules work, is based on mutual respect and self care, Dr. Allen provides the philosophy, the real wisdom of the masculine and feminine dynamism. Don't ignore this book.

This book was the best relationship book I've ever read! One thing I loved about it is that it doesn't take the same "he's no good for you anyway" stance that most of your friends would give you. This book teaches you to look at your relationship more objectively, and then make informed decisions about your next step. I felt empowered after reading it! It gives you the tools to better understand your mate and to help you take your relationship in the direction that suits you! I've recommended it to many friends (don't all of us go through this at some point?) and every single one has come back to me to thank me. A must read for anyone who's in a relationship that has, seemingly, halted. It worked for me! I was married 9 months ago to the man of my dreams :)