Getting to Commitment: Overcoming the 8 Greatest Obstacles to Lasting Connection (and Finding the Courage to Love)

I've been in and out of what seemed to be great relationships. I've had 5 men ask me to marry them (I did marry one of them, then divorced him). But, I never could understand why when things were getting good why I always thought that they were so bad. I had been running the whole time and didn't even know it until I read this book. I can't say enough about the insight this provides to a person. If you think that it is because of the other person in you life that you can't settle down or if you know that it may be you. Please read this book. It will begin to make sense.

I am a female in and out of a relationship with a man that has severe anxiety and has bailed out on me several times. This book has given me insight on why he is doing this and what part I may be playing into this scenario. I have identified what I need to work on in myself and can see what he needs to do to face his fears. I believe that counseling is a must but the book can serve a purpose in that it brings to light obstacles that are put in the way of actully connecting in a real way to another person. I found this book enlightening especially since it was written by a man that had the same issues and has overcome them and now is happily married.

This book was given me by a co-worker and it really helped me to understand so much of what I had been doing in previous relationships...and what not to do in the one that I am currently in. I have been seeing this wonderful guy for about 5 months and he wants to build a life together...I refuse to even call him my boyfriend just yet, all because I think that somehow I will ultimately end up hurt or running for fear of committment...this book is an eye-opener for anyone who has had a pattern of loves lost or never found due to our pasts, our parents or those that we call ourselves "in love" with....I highly recommend it....It makes me feel like I am finally looking in the mirror at myself, my soul and my ability to be in a healthy and committed relationship...I know now that I am able and I deserve it...

My first introduction to Steven Carter was his book "He's Scared, She's Scared" which a friend recommended to me upon the dissolution of a relationship. While that book was a great help, it wasn't strong on what to do about it. That is where this book excels. Like many psychological issues, it is not a matter of whether or not we have the condition, it is only a matter of degree. This book has helped me identify my trigger points for commitmentphobia (fear of commitment) and how to manage them. By taking self-responsibility I am able to deepen intimacy in my life. This book would be helpful to anyone seeking to improve or work on relationships.

"Getting to commitment" moves beyond Carter's previous book ("Men Who Can't Love") in two significant ways. First, he recognizes that commitment issues are not just a "guy" problem. Both sexes have them, frequently for the same reasons that are often deeply rooted in our childhood or adolescence.To Carter, these negative experiences hinder development of a mature, whole "Self", and are the basis for insecurities that become barriers to commitment. Second, Carter moves beyond simply identifying symptoms -- the warning signs for potential partners -- and meaningfully addresses proactive steps those with commitment problems can take to overcome the barriers to a fulfilling relationship. Significantly, Carter has traveled this road himself, which lends credibility to his prescriptions. The basis for his solutions is that those with commitment problems must take responsibility to be totally content with themselves and their own lives before they seek a relationship with someone else. A must read for anyone afflicted with commitment issues or involved with someone who is.