Getting to Calm: Cool-Headed Strategies for Parenting Tweens + Teens - Updated and Expanded

This book would have been a powerful resource for me to have been able to recommend to parents when I was a secondary school teacher for thirty years. In the book the authors say that teachers are experts, and yes, they are a good resource, but this book is amazing. They don't just tell you about strategies; they walk you through conversations between teens and their parents showing not only the content, but also the process, analyzing what each participant's responses. They point out mistakes that parents make and explain what parents should avoid, but also show how to be more successful talking with teenagers. The book covers so many issues which come up. The chapter, "When You're Fighting About Grades", is just one of many that could be so helpful to all parents. The section titled "Seven Top Tips for Boosting School Achievement" in that chapter offers excellent guidelines as does "The ABC'S of Family Health" in the chapter about getting stressed out. They also deal with drinking, smoking, dating, and the use of electronic devices all while pointing out what it is like to be a teenager. By the end of the book the reader is shown two scripts where two different fathers take diverse approaches with a daughter who has received a poor progress report. The successful parent shown is "calm, careful and skillful" and as a reader, I felt empowered to use their strategies not only with teenagers, but with any family member. The thought-out careful approach can make all the difference. I would recommend this book to all parents of teenagers. Would anyone want to miss the section about "More Responsibility for Kids"?

Love this book! Finally a straight forward guide to understanding and decoding your teenager. Current research on teen brain development, how good kids can make bad decisions and most importantly how to respond effectively as a calm parent. I particulary liked the real life dialogue between parent and teenager and the decoding provided by Kastner and Wyatt. Priceless advice for any parent who is raising a teenager!

Getting to Calm: Cool-Headed Strategies for Parenting Tweens and Teens This book is quite readable and reasonable. I particularly liked the up-to-the-minute brain information, which explains teen behaviors (and parents', too)in ways that take the moral sting out of negative behaviors. I found the language helpful; for example, "rudeness" is a better description of typical teen behavior than "defiance." And "discipline" is really, at its root, about learning, not punishing. The chapter on entitlement and indulgence is superb. I have no hesitation in recommending this book for all parents, even if they don't yet have teens!

Laura Kastner and Jennifer Wyatt are wonderful hosts into the lives of teens. Whether it's waiting for a girl to call, getting caught cheating on a test, or feeling pressured to have sex, Kastner and Wyatt walk parents through many of the challenges teens are up against. The family stories and parent/child dialogues in Getting to Calm help parents get clear about their own convictions and develop a more neutral posture toward the job of parenting a teen. Kastner and Wyatt support their readers' family leadership by reminding us that emotions are contagious, and that we can help our teens regain their calm by hanging onto our own composure when things get hot. They also give parents concrete, confidence-building options for dealing with the speed bumps and blow-ups that come with adolescence. As a stepparent of former teenagers, I was grateful to the authors for explaining and exploring the difference between teen romance and teen sex. Early relationships set the table for later relationships, and Kastner and Wyatt help us respect the importance of these often dramatic, intense, and all-consuming first loves. As the authors make clear, the work starts with each parent taking responsibility for themselves and their leadership in the family. Getting to Calm tells parents what to expect, and helps us formulate a plan for dealing with most of it while keeping our relationship with our teens intact. Kimberly McKenna [...]

This is a great book that has concrete examples of what to do when your kid (fill in the blank). Whether it's as simple as sassy talk or as serious as substance abuse, Dr. Kastner has creative solutions. What's absolutely ground-breaking about this book, is that it works on your reaction to your child's behaviour - truly, the only thing you can control. When your attitude and response is in check, your tween/teen will react accordingly and set the stage for a much more tolerable adolescence. Most likely, the ride through the teen years won't be bump-free, but with this book, at least you'll survive without too many bruises.