Getting Back Together: How to Reconcile with Your Partner - And Make It Last

As a young, strong and independent woman, this book was perfect for me when I found out about my husbands affair. It didn't make me feel like a victim, and didn't make me feel bad about NOT wanting to get back together. I also bought it for my husband. Since we were not focused on getting back together, rather, bettering ourselves, we were able to decide if we wanted to be together in the long run. It is sooo important to focus on yourself when you are separated. If you focus on "saving" your marriage, you are already doomed. You must start over and if you CHOOSE to be together, you will be successful. If you want a book telling you how to "save" your marriage, look elsewhere. But if you want to regain and redifine who you are, this is the book for you.

I was a little discouraged when I started reading "Getting Back Together". In the early chapters, there were frequent references to partners that aren't speaking or won't accept phone calls. Thinking about reconciling when you can't even have a conversation with your partner seemed rather ridiculous. The other thing I found disconcerting was the implication that when a couple decides to try again, the one that moved out immediately packs their bags and moves home. Don't get me wrong, the book addresses the soul searching and many changes that must take place in each individual prior to even considering a reconciliation, but it is only in the last chapter that a period of "dating" or being a couple without living together is even mentioned. I would have appreciated some practical advice on getting from the point of making the decision to pursue a reconciliation and moving back home. Youngs uses a variety of couples as examples and they represent a broad spectrum of ages, situations and issues. No book is going to have an example that is exactly like your own situation, but I was able to identify with aspects of many of the relationships, and found something of value in almost all of them. Even though I think my husband and I are beyond the first steps in her process, I thought the exercises were very helpful in capturing my thoughts, feelings, values and needs. I have a good understanding of my remaining issues and know the things that I need to discuss with my husband. I'm the type that usually skips the exercises in self-help books, planning to return to them later or figuring that anything of value is gained from just reading the book. Because I have decided to put my marriage first, and I'm committed to making my reconciliation work, I went through each one, even when they began to feel a bit repetitive (probably because I read through it in two days). All in all, I found reading this book and working through the exercises to be well worth the time.

My wife and I are back together. Although struggling, this book was a great help when I need a great deal of help.